I don't know how it feels to have a family who loved you dearly, cared for you, and supported you through your hard times. I don't know how it felt to lose one's parents in the blink of an eye and be orphaned for the rest of their life. Liza did.
It is strange how you come to understand the value of things only when it is snatched away from you. It is cruel, but maybe it was always the same. I admire Liza and how strong she is, but sometimes her strength falters, and she crumbles down. Maybe she is not strong but insecure to let her true feelings out. She has her fears and to cover them up she puts on the mask of strength. I think this is a defensive mechanism, one that I have mastered in the long term of events. Instead of strength, I chose isolation.
Isolation from everyone except Liza.
The fumes of heat rose from the coffee mug in my hands. I looked up at Liza as she finished reading the letter she received from her grandfather. Well, it
Life becomes very hard when you don't have anyone to share your feelings with. You feel like you are caged in a claustrophobic room with no doors and windows. It's strange how there are so many people living in this world, yet there are only a few people whom we call our friends. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if everyone on this planet knew each other and were mutual friends. Would it have decreased the number of suicides or the number of people in depression? Would it have made all of us happy or too self-conscious? It's not possible to mentally connect with everyone and be friends with them at the same time. You can not keep everyone happy because either way someone somehow always gets hurt. So I would rather have a best friend and share everything with her than be friends with everyone while being lonely inside the whole time. I would rather have Liza by my side than a bunch of popular girls who don't even care if you die. The snow-crus
I stared at the neat strokes of green which shined in the faint light emitted from the TV in front of me. I am supposed to be scared of the Evil Dead playing on the screen, but I am too occupied in the deep shade of mesmerizing colour blinding me in an impenetrable spell. It shined with a new vigor as I let myself drift into the long-ago yet not forgotten memories. The screams and shouts slowly faded into the background as my vision blurred at the recollection of the heart-aching past. I clutched the blanket with all my might, trying to stop the erratic beating of my heart. I remember the first time I saw green. It is not one of those neon-ish colours which stings your eyes, nor is it too dull to make you feel depressed. I don't know what others feel when they see it, but the warm feeling I get is because of more than the colour itself. It holds some cherished moments which makes we want to go back to the time when I didn't know what depression meant when I didn't know how t
The small pieces of snow drifted from the night sky, sparkling in the dark like stars. The view outside the window looked so peaceful and calm with only the faint swish of leaves blowing in the chilly wind, humming in the background. The crescent moon looked upon the night, with its aurora fighting off the darkness. I wanted to go outside and take a scrunch of ice in my hands and feel the numbness that would come after the feeling of the chilled needles have subsided. The cold wind would have blown my raven hair as I stood with my eyes closed, as the emptiness around me settles my mind. This would have been my per
Claustrophobic. A morbid fear of being confined in a closed space. Your breath gets stuck in the throat and the crazy spinning of your head doesn't stop. You feel that the walls are closing upon you and there is no air to breathe no matter how much you try to breathe in. The puffing of your chest increases as an invisible hand chokes your neck. The heavyweight all over your body crumbles you down. The pain in your head which was initially like a small needle pierces your head into two splits. The gruesome nauseous feeling in your stomach buries itself there, six inches deep. The endless screams which come out of the lips don't stop but keepon ringing in your ears, and you wonder why no one can hear you. The black spots in your vision make you blind, and the only thing you feel is pain and panic. You are not dead. You wish you were. Maybe that was what exactly I was feeling when I closed myself in my room, trying to run away from th
Someone was trying to break the wall. I don't know what they were using, but it seemed like a sledgehammer was being pounded from the inside, trying to pierce its way to the outside of the wall. The deep and loud beating of my heart threatened to escape from the cage of muscles as the pounding continued inside my heart. A drop of cold sweat trickled down my spine as my eyes tried to scan through the darkness. The painful squeaks of the wooden floor stopped in front of my closed bedroom door. Seconds ticked by as I laid under the bed, hiding from the unknown monster standing on the other side, waiting for me to make any mistakes. I already did make a mistake. By trusting all of them. The doorknob jingled once, too slowly and quietly to make any audible crack in the thick atmosphere but when the knob didn't turn around to satisfactorily unlock the door, a rage fuelled uproar came from the other side as the person started ramming his body on the
It hurts so much to feel hurt. The slow thudding of her heart threatened to stop forever, while the unshed tears got clogged up where it shouldn't. It felt like a big hole has been punched through her chest, while breathing became impossibly difficult. She wanted to do so many things and by things, she meant possible ways to hurt herself so that the pain she felt inside could be subdued by the pain outside. A million thoughts raced through her head and a million feelings coursed through her blood, making her delirious. Nothing felt right, not even breathing. No matter how much she tried to hold herself together, she always seemed to fall apart like the water slipping through fisted hands. She screamed, she shouted, yet her lips were sealed shut. The darkness around her and the unending agony in her heart blurred her vision until she fell and fell into the bottomless depths of nothingness. ******* My ears
The tiny freckles on my wall never bothered me. I felt that they belonged there. Like a part of a puzzle that doesn't belong there, but it still somehow fits in. It always served as a sweet distraction, whenever my solitude mind and I wanted to stay alone. Sometimes distracting the mind helps you in the long run. I wished I had one now. The shiny, fresh painted wall stared back at me, sporting none of those tiny freckles, I truly felt for. The absence of these tiny things made me realize my perilously wicked fate and this distorted situation. The huge lump of dread smothered down my neck as I stood frozen, under a death hold. My body was drugged into a deep limbo, with my mindset lose like the monster from its cage. The warm breath fanning my neck didn't help defrost the thick layer of dismay and panic off of me, rather it made me recognize my long-forgotten past. They say that time heals everything, but what about scars? They never get away. They never dissolve, and
The dark sky gurgled a huge clash of thunder, while the angry clouds seethed and drowned the whole world in its rage fuelled stream of downpour. There was no ground, only the muddy substitute, which threatened to swallow in anything that steps on it. I wondered how the thorny, leafless trees were holding themselves upright through this damnation. Strong gusts of wind blew all over the surface of the earth and swayed the thorns and spiky bushes as if they were possessed by something evil. This was hell incarnate. Another clash of thunder raged throughout the sky and deafened my ears. The blue sundress I was wearing was torn and tattered, with my skin sporting uncountable scars. The wrathful rain blurred my vision to nothingness as I gasped for the very existence of my life. My raven hair was pitch dark with tiny droplets of water falling off from the ends. I stood there, watching those droplets, while my mind tried to decode this impossible puzzle. How d