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last update Last Updated: 2025-12-30 01:11:26

Theodore

I got another room at first. 

But after having an ugly cry, curled up on the bed and throwing up several times, I got up and asked the hotel to arrange for a water plane to get me back to the next airport. 

Like the peasant that I am, and am supposed to be, I booked an economy seat on the next flight and passed the next hours waiting to board it with red and swollen eyes. 

I can’t remember ever having felt sick while traveling, but by the time I arrive back in New York, I feel like I was put into a washing machine in the highest spinning cycle. 

My head is turning, my throat burning, and I can’t wait to crash. 

“Fuck,” I breathe out, halting in

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  • Suck Me Dry   94

    TheodoreI got another room at first.But after having an ugly cry, curled up on the bed and throwing up several times, I got up and asked the hotel to arrange for a water plane to get me back to the next airport.Like the peasant that I am, and am supposed to be, I booked an economy seat on the next flight and passed the next hours waiting to board it with red and swollen eyes.I can’t remember ever having felt sick while traveling, but by the time I arrive back in New York, I feel like I was put into a washing machine in the highest spinning cycle.My head is turning, my throat burning, and I can’t wait to crash.“Fuck,” I breathe out, halting in

  • Suck Me Dry   93

    TheodoreHe scrunches up his face, obviously offended by my exaggerated comment about his age. “Theo, I…”“Just shut it. I’ll take a small hotel room, and you can call me up when you need your dose. Otherwise, you don’t have to do anything with me. I’ll stay out of your way.”His lips twitch, his face falling, seeming more and more desperate.And I hate it.“That’s not what I want…”“I don’t fucking care what you want, you jerk,” I shout at him.“Theodore, I can’t…”

  • Suck Me Dry   92

    Theodore“Whynot?”Angerbubblesupmythroat,mywordsjustburstingoutofme.Helowershisgaze,scratchingthebackofhisneck.“Ican’tdecideitalone.Youhavetounderstandthatitiscomplicated.”“Youkeeprepeatingthat.”Isitupwhilehestepsbacktotheendofthebed.Heremainssilent,causingmetogetmoreandmoreanxious,feelingbilerisinginmythroat.“Whatdoyoumeanby‘youcan’tdecideitalone’?”Ifinallydare&

  • Suck Me Dry   91

    TheodoreI don’t even know how I survived it. It felt like a nightmare, and I must have dissociated big time. But the moment I wake up to the sun shining into the room and the singing of birds, I feel incredibly light. Due to my distressed state of mind, I don’t remember much of what happened, but I keep having flashbacks. Luckily, the most recurring one is Nathanael screaming at me that he loves me through the drizzle. Where were we anyway? Did that really happen? Pushing out a sigh, I snuggle closer against Nathanael’s chest. His fingers continue to caress my back, causing tingles to roll up and down my spine. Despite managing to hold him back from making a blood bath, I got him to bring me to the Maldives, and I can honestly say that I’m in paradise. “Did you sleep well?” he asks me, his tone making the question seem awfully distant. I yawn, nodding, and he chuckles. “I’m glad. You lost a lot of sleep because of your family. I was starting to get worried.” “Says the man w

  • Suck Me Dry   90

    Nathanael“Where have you been?” I’m met with big puppy eyes as soon as I get back to our hotel room. “Out. How are you feeling?” “Out? Out where?” He asks, agitated, shifting on the bed to crawl to the edge of it. I shrug, standing next to the bed to put my index beneath his chin and grab it with my thumb. “How are you feeling?” I ask again, tilting my head. “I’m fine.” He pouts, sliding out of my hold to get back under the bedsheets. Watching him, I close my eyes, searching for our connection and finding his walls still up. “Doesn’t seem like it.” “I can’t help it. It has always been bad,” he sighs, passing his hands through his hair. “But having you with me…Witnessing it…Must be the worst.” He crosses his arms, avoiding my gaze as he sits against the headboard, and I get onto the bed, caging him in by putting my hands next to his thighs. “Do you regret that I came here with you?” “No.” Shaking his head, he flashes me a sad smile before turning his head away from me once aga

  • Suck Me Dry   89

    NathanaelIt didn’t take him long to fall asleep after I had carried him back to the hotel. He kept whimpering in my arms, and he felt so fragile in my hold that I was happy when I got him in the warm bath. He was shivering all over when he let me undress him while staring into the room apathetically. Finally, I felt him relax when I got him into the warm water. I kept talking to him about random things, but he continued to be unresponsive, and I was afraid of where his mind might have spiraled to since I couldn’t hear his thoughts anymore. I had scrubbed the cold away from his frame while his eyes kept falling closed. Suddenly, there was a shift in his demeanor, causing my chest to clench repeatedly as he said how sorry he was over and over again. As soon as I had put him under the cozy covers, he was out like a light. But he was still clinging to me, not letting go. So, I stayed for a bit, holding him close before moving to watch him sleep from a chair standing next to the bed. I

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