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79: Soon-to-be a Daddy

Author: aratrash
last update Last Updated: 2025-04-02 12:04:35

Matthias

I wouldn’t ever be a father.

That was what I thought before.

I never knew what a good father was—never had one since the start. He just existed, distant and cold, a figure in my life rather than a presence. A name rather than a man I could turn to. A concept rather than a reality.

He was a man who built walls instead of bridges. A man whose presence could fill a room, not with warmth, but with the kind of silence that made you wish you weren’t there at all. He wasn’t cruel—not in an obvious way. He simply didn’t care enough to be.

I wasn’t the type to wallow in self-pity. I had better things to do than dwell on something I couldn’t change. But I was self-aware enough to understand what that meant.

I knew what it was like to grow up looking at someone who was supposed to teach you what it meant to be a man and instead learning what it meant to be alone.

The thought that I had no real example—no blueprint, no guiding hand—led me to one simple conclusion: I would never be a fath
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