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CHAPTER SIXTY THREE
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2026-02-23 21:59:04
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TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY EIGHT
ADDISONI looked at him.He was looking straight ahead, at the path, his profile lit from the side by the warm lights. He said it the way he said things that mattered. He looked so gorgeous tonight, at this point I couldn’t even blame myself for not knowing what he was, he could easily fool anyone with a face like that. "You've said that before," I said."I know." He glanced at me. "I'll probably keep saying it.""You don't have to keep—""I want to," he said simply. "Every time I think about what I could have lost because I was too afraid to just tell you the truth, I want to say it again." He looked back at the path. "So I'm going to keep saying it until it stops feeling necessary."I looked at him for a moment. At the side of his face and the set of his jaw and the very slight tension in his shoulders that was the only sign of how much he meant what he'd just said."Okay," I said softly. "You're welcome."The first drop hit my nose about ten seconds later.I looked up.The sky, wh
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY SEVEN
ADDISON"Axel.""It's a good surprise. I've had feedback on my previous approaches and I've adjusted."I looked at him. "Have you been taking notes?""Kind of" "Give me ten minutes to change," I said."Take twenty.""I don't need twenty.""Take them anyway." The corner of his mouth. "You look like you've had a day.""I've had a day," I confirmed, and went inside.I took fifteen minutes, which felt like a reasonable compromise, and came back down in jeans and a camel coat and flat boots because if this surprise involved heels I was going to need advance warning.He looked at me when I came through the door and did that thing he did sometimes — that barely-there pause, that fraction of a second where something moved in his face and then settled, and I had stopped trying to be unaffected by it approximately two and a half weeks ago."Better?" I asked."You always look—" He stopped. Started again in a way that was slightly less intense. "Yes. Ready?"We took his car to a part of the city
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY SIX
ADDISONMy mother called at six. I didn’t expect it, we hadn’t spoken at all since the big fight and I didn’t tell her anything about what happened. A part of me still couldn't imagine what her reaction could be, whether she would actually comfort me or she would just take Feign’s side like always and say that I provoked him, that’s why he did that. That was the thing about her, I could never know what she might think or do and it scared me for the longest part of my life and honestly, it still scared me so much now. I was in the car on the way home, the city moving past the windows in the early evening, the particular golden-grey light of autumn in New York turning everything slightly cinematic. I looked at the name on the screen for a full five seconds before I answered."Mum.""Addison." Her voice was exactly what it always was — composed and measured and carrying within its composure the complete blueprint of every expectation she had ever had of me. "You've been difficult to rea
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY FIVE
ADDISONI was at my desk eating lunch at approximately two in the afternoon, which meant it was technically not lunch but a snack, when my phone lit up with devin’s name. I picked it up immediately, wedging it between my ear and shoulder and continuing to eat because I had a fitting in forty minutes and this was genuinely the only window."Dev.""You sound like you're eating.""I'm always eating when you call. You call at lunch.""It's two o'clock.""It's a late lunch.""Addie." His voice had that particular quality it got when he was checking on me — warm but careful, taking the temperature of things. "How are you actually doing?""I'm actually doing well," I said, and meant it. "I'm back at work. I have a fitting in forty minutes. My life is remarkably ordinary right now and I am choosing to enjoy that.""Good." A pause. "I heard about Feign."I set my fork down. "What did you hear?""That he's gone," Devin said carefully. "Disappeared. His company is in chaos, nobody knows where he
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY FOUR
ADDISONThree weeks.It had been three weeks since the whole kidnapping incident and I was back at work, which was either a sign of impressive resilience or deeply questionable decision making, depending on who you asked. Jules thought it was the second one. My therapist, who I had finally, after years of resistance, agreed to see twice a week, had a more measured opinion about it that I was choosing to interpret as agreement with me.The work helped. That was the honest truth of it. .I was okay. Better than okay, on most days.The fear hadn't disappeared entirely. I wasn't going to pretend it had. There were still moments, usually at night, usually when I was tired and my guard was down, where something would flash across my memory and my chest would tighten and I would have to sit with it for a minute before it passed. I was working on that. That was what twice-a-week therapy was for, even if I was being somewhat creative with the details I shared.My ex has a complicated past a
TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA) CHAPTER NINETY THREE
ADDISONSomething moved in his face."I want to," I said honestly. "I have been trying to, actually. It would be so much simpler if I just hated you and was done with it." I looked at him. "But I can't. I've tried and I can't and that is extremely inconvenient and I'd like you to know I'm somewhat annoyed about it.""I'm tired," I said. "I am exhausted and I hurt and I'm a bit scared and I think it's going to take me a while to — get used to this, That's just honest." I met his eyes. "But some part of me says you wouldn't hurt me. It has been saying that since the elevator and everything that has happened since hasn't managed to change it." I held his gaze. "Don't make me regret that.""I won't," he said. Low and absolute."Would you—" he stopped. Breathed. "Would you give me another chance? To actually start this properly. Not a deal, not a setup, a chance for me to fix this — to fix us?" looked at me for a second like he wasn't certain he'd heard correctly.Then: "You're asking me—
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