TABOO (A DEAL WITH THE SHADOW ALPHA)

ADDISON

The polished marble floor of my parents' dining room felt like ice under my feet. I pushed a piece of meat around my fancy plate, the quiet so thick you could hear the clock ticking in the hallway. I had to tell them, and I had to do it now. There was never a good time, but with the whole family here for Sunday dinner, it felt like now or never.

I put my fork down. The sound was too loud and I knew with the next words I was about to cause a massive explosion, but I was hear to bare it that live in torture with that bastard. "Mom, Dad... I broke up with Feign."

The clinking of silverware stopped dead, I swallowed down, not just the food but my fear of what their reaction would be. I swayed my legs beneath the table anxiously, thinking of what mom might say next. My mother's head snapped up. Her eyes, the same color as mine but always so much colder, turned narrow. "You broke up with Feign?" she asked, her voice too calm. Mom’s voice was always calm; she never raised her voice, not under any circumstance. It was always what she taught me and my siblings to keep calm and collected no matter what, showing any other emotion was a sign of weakness and vulnerability. Even as kids we weren’t allowed to get scared, whether of spiders or even the darkness we had to face everything head on regardless. Children of the Amber-white’s family were never afraid of anything but beneath the cold exterior we all had one fear, Our Mother. 

My heart was pounding. "Yes. It... we just weren't working out. He was too controlling, Mom." My voice pitched higher than I expected it to be, cutting through the silence, causing the heads of everyone to turn in my direction, including the servants.

"Don't you dare raise your voice at my wife, Addison," my dad grumbled from the other end of the long table, not even looking up from his steak. Same as always. Jumping to her defense, never listening to me. He only truly cared about one person his wife, their love was something I could never still understand in my 27 years of living, dad never said much to us, he only scolded us when ever we said or did something that could potentially hurt our mother, as much as some of us thought it was cute, it was also really annoying.

My mother placed her fork down perfectly. "Who gave you permission to do that?" she asked.

The question was so crazy it almost made me laugh. Almost. "Permission? Ma, it's my life! We weren't happy! He was suffocating me!"

"You will get back with him," my mother said, like I was a child who'd said no to broccoli. She took another slow bite, her face not showing even a glint of emotion. "Do you have any idea what your relationship with him does for this family? Our business has more outlets, more connections, because of his name. And Addison, you're twenty-seven. Still single. What kind of example is that for your sisters? Don't you argue with me about this."

I felt that old, familiar panic, like the walls were closing in. It was suffocating me, again as usual, I was 27 and still had absolutely no control over my life, what I wanted or even how I lived,  I was just a thing to them. A business deal. I looked right at Devin, my older brother. My only real friend in this house. Help me, my eyes begged.

He gave me a tiny nod. "Mother," he started, his voice easy.

My mom put a hand up, stopping him, cold. "Don't you start, Devin. You always make excuses for her. You're her brother, not her best friend. You're the heir to this company. Start acting like it, and not her personal lapdog. Focus on your food."

Devin's jaw tightened. He swallowed, then tried again. "I'm not defending her. I'm making a business proposal."

My heart did a weird flip. What is he doing?

"Give Addison one week," he said, looking right at our mom. "One week to find someone better than Feign. Richer. More powerful.More Influential. If she can't do it, then she gets back together with him, no complaining. It's simple."

My mouth fell open. I stared at him. Are you insane? my eyes screamed at him. Where am I supposed to find a millionaire boyfriend in a week?

Before I could find my voice, my mother tilted her head. "Okay," she said, like she was agreeing to a price on a piece of furniture. "Fine. If she can find someone better, then fine. But you have one week, Addison. One week. After that, this discussion is over. You do what you're told."

She picked up her fork again. The conversation was over. Just like that. No more talks and no arguments.

The rest of the dinner was the most silent, awful car ride of a meal. You could only hear people chewing. Every second that passed was another tick of the clock in my head. One week. I was so mad at Devin I could have kicked him under the table. He didn't save me. He just gave me a longer rope to hang myself with. Even the food turned tasteless in my mouth after I heard what he said.

The second my mother said we could be excused, I beelined for Devin. I followed him down the long hallway to his old study, the one place in this museum like home that still felt like a real room.

I shut the door so hard that only a deaf person wouldn’t hear the sound of it slamming against the wall. "What was that?" I whisper-yelled, I didn’t fully yell, because in the Amber whites house you don’t raise your voice at all. My hands, shaking. "I was handling it!"

Devin turned around, a tired smile on his face as he pulled his tie off swiftly. "Handling it? Addy, you were about to either cry or throw a plate. And we both know how that ends with Mom."

"So your big plan was to tell me to go find a millionaire boyfriend in seven days? How is that better?"

He actually laughed a little, I couldn’t believe he was chuckling at my predicament, what an asshole. "Look. It's a chance. It's an out. It's the only one I could get you. I'll text you some numbers—guys I know from the club, guys whose families make the Paxtons look small-time. And you live in that fancy building, Castino. I know for a fact that the famous Axel Rex has a penthouse there. Look it up. Use that famous Addison Amber smile.Woo them, Get one of them to like you enough to show up to a party with you. You've got a week baby sis. Make it work."

Baby sis? He was only three years older than me and still called me baby sis?

He came over and put his hands on my shoulders. "I won't be able to help you after this, Addy. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I can't... I can't always be the one to take the fall. I wanted to punch Feign's lights out for how he talked to you, and how he has been such a terrible boyfriend but I can’t Addison. I love you. I want you to be happy. But I can't keep standing between you and Mom's temper. Just... try this. Please."

He kissed the top of my head and walked out, closing the door softly behind him.

All the anger just drained out of me. He was right.

I sat down heavily in his big leather chair. I remembered being small, maybe seven years old. I'd been running in the hallway and knocked over one of my mom's expensive white vases. It shattered into a million pieces on the marble. I was crying so hard I could barely breathe. Devin, who was only ten, heard the crash. He ran in, saw me, saw the mess. He didn't say a word. He just took the biggest pieces from my hands and told the nanny, "I did it. I was playing ball inside." He got grounded for a whole month. He took the punishment so I wouldn't have to see the look on our mother's face.

For years, it was just us. Me and Devin against the world of this big, cold house. Then our other siblings came along—five of them—and the house got more crowded, but we all got more distant. They were like people I saw in pictures. They sometimes saw me and Devin as competition, as much as I wanted to be close to the rest of my siblings, I just couldn't because they all were too blinded by mother and her rules.  Devin was the only one who felt real. And now he was telling me he couldn't be my shield anymore. I had to fight my own battles.

I got up and looked out the big window at the perfect green lawn outside. My whole life felt like a list of rules. Wear this. Smile like that. Be friends with her, not her. My accounting degree? They called it my "little hobby." My fashion line was only good because it made money.

And now my heart, the one thing that was supposed to be mine... that was just another deal to be made.

I took a deep, shaky breath and looked at my reflection in the dark glass. The blonde hair, the careful makeup, the clothes that cost more than most people's rent. It was my armor and my cage.

I pulled out my phone, my hands still not quite steady.

I had to find a boyfriend.