Forsaken grace

Lucia's pov

The smell of burnt coffee beans and crisp onions stuck to me like Regret as I scrubbed a sticky table top with the same desperation I used to polish my ballet slippers, only now there was zero music,no cheering or applause - just flickering lights about to die and the irritating voice of my wretched manager spitting out orders as usual.

“Table seven's been patient for long enough Lucia, move your ass!”

I didn't respond.I stopped responding quite a long time ago.words used to flow out of me like a symphony - smooth, unfiltered and captivating. Now they remained stuck somewhere behind clenched teeth and my forced smile.

I managed to balance two plates as I glided towards a table, my posture straight despite my sore joints.

A toddler screamed as she flung food across a table.My fingers twitched on instinct like I was about to perform a pirouette but I stopped myself.

That part of me was lost.

I chuckled bitterly as I mocked myself:

Lucia Moretti, you've fallen so far from a prodigy to a mere waitress in a faded uniform, pouring lukewarm coffee for strangers who can't even look you in the eye.

I brushed aside the thought as I spoke to the man at table seven.“Can I get you anything else sir?” my voice devoid of emotion.

Yeah,” the man at the table replied,his eyes never leaving his phone.

“get me someone who actually knows how to serve a proper meal because clearly you don't.”

I ignored his comment as I took the plate, turned and walked back to the kitchen without saying a word.I also didn't flinch when the ceramic plate shattered in the sink though my coworker was startled.

“My God,Lucy….”

“I'll cover the damages;I murmured and kept my feet moving.

It wasn't the plate.it wasn't even the insult either.it was the unfortunate date. Six months. Six months since that fire. Six months since everything that had meaning in my life was taken from me in the blink of an orange-glowing haze.

“Well not everything. I thankfully still had Sophia,my sister”, I corrected myself mentally.

By noon,my feet felt like burning coal and my spine groaned with every step.

My shift finally ended and I dashed out of there without saying goodbye,I didn't really care about anyone but Sophia right now.

I crumpled my tips tightly in my fists - barely enough for the house rent,let alone medicine for Sophia.

Outside, the rain drizzled from the grey sky as I walked on the cracked pavement to the bus stop, hugging my jacket tighter for warmth. A little girl twirled around in circles in the corner nearby,humming off-key and careless in her joy. I froze.

That used to be Me.

Every spin she took was like a punch to my stomach.I smiled bitterly as I watched her pretend the sidewalk was her stage and the rain, her spotlight.

I saw my fifteen year old self again as I remembered being full of dreams and dancing in the snow because practice couldn't wait.

My first costume was a silky tutu that I couldn't wait to wear and my mother used to cry with pride as she saw me, the smell of roses on her fingertips.

My pleasant memories were interrupted by my ex husband's voice as my mind took a wrong turn:“you’re losing it Lucy. You can barely take care of yourself,let alone a demanding career like ballet. You're unstable.”

My fists tightened.

He had stolen everything - My name, platform,ballet.And when I disappeared from the spotlight,the world believed the headlines:“Ballet’s brightest star burns out in public meltdown.”

I'd begged him to stop truthfully.But Matt Richards knew just how to control the media and in the end everyone went with his version of my fall.

My apartment was run down and it was on the ground floor with peeling paint and overall barely holding together but it was the best I could manage after the fire.

The one person I still cared about was inside so at least there was hope.

I pushed open the door,then she ran to me.

“Cece!”Sophia beamed as she ran towards me, wrapped in a worn blanket.The bandages on her limbs had been replaced, but her scars peeked through - raw and angry.

I ignored the pain in my chest at her condition as I dropped my bag and knelt beside her.“Did you stay in your blanket all day?”

“Noo…,”she replied proudly as she held up a painting.It was blurry stick figures - one tall,one short- holding hands in front of a house surrounded by flames.

My breath caught in my throat.

“sophia…

“I saw them Cece…” she said in a whisper.

“There was a very loud sound.And they were….there..” she trailed off.

I grew stiff.“You went through a terrible experience soso, I think it's very normal for you to hallucinate.”

“No.I saw them...shadows.”

I wanted to hug her, to dismiss it as fear and imagination.But there was a part of me that blamed myself.The fire was so sudden…maybe I left the heater on or something because it doesn't make sense.

And even now, the official cause was left as“unknown electrical failure”.

“You're ok now,” I whispered, hugging Sophia tighter.“Nothing is going to hurt you again.”

I stayed awake to watch her sleep after dinner, listening to her steady breathing as I stared at the ceiling.My mind replayed the flames,the smoke, Sophia's screams,the door that wouldn't open….

Until Sophia's muffled whimper snapped me out of my thoughts. I hurried to her room and found her struggling under the covers,sweat covering her forehead.

“Stop,Stop! Don't come in!” Sophia cried in her sleep.“The woman! She's in the fire!”

I shook her awake firmly.“ It's okay. It's okay soso.”

Sophia looked up at me with wide terrified eyes that made my heart bleed.“Was it just a dream Cece? or something else?”

I didn't know how to answer.

My throat tightened.

I cuddled with her in bed for a long time.

Later,she managed to sleep but I didn't.

I couldn't.

I have to do whatever it takes to help my sister.