Chapter 3

"You'll put a hole in your father's heart. He will be aware that his tiny baby has been sleeping around and has become pregnant as a result. That you lied to sleep with a local baseball player in order to have an affair with him. Are you able to do it to him after the loss of your mother? Because you are trying to catch me in your trap, everyone else will despise you. Are you sure you want that? Do you want it to be public knowledge that you're a slut? ”

I yank my arm away from him and cover my lips with the shaking palm that was previously protecting it. That is correct. I am certain that he is correct. You may expect everyone to despise you. Have I not suffered enough already?

It will come down to my word vs his.

Noel... I adore him, but he's never shown any interest in me. How will I tell my dad? How am I going to become a mother?

"Don't be an idiot, Emily. I solemnly pledge to the deity that you should employ some common sense and get rid of it. ”

I pay no attention to what he has to say and quickly leave the house. I don't remember driving home. I have no recollection of lighting the fire in the woodstove or of tossing in that ridiculous red frock. The only thing that stays with me are his words. He doesn't love me. Never loved me. Because he thought I was immature and young, he took advantage of me. He demands that I put the infant to death.

I am well aware that I cannot, but despite this, I never have the opportunity. In the middle of the night, you will first start to experience cramping. The sudden gush of blood that followed shortly after.

My father can hear me sobbing.

He drives me to the medical facility.

The following day, he became furious. The screaming, the sense of disillusionment.

Since then, I've seen a change in the way he looks at me. Nobody has done it.

Noel was right.

Before

"So, you and your mother had a good relationship?" " Noel puts his hand in mine, and we begin to lock our fingers together. My emotions are all over the place right now because he brought up my mother, and I can't decide if I should be overjoyed at the touch or completely devastated by it. Two months have passed, but it seems like both two decades and two seconds have passed all at the same time. How could she have been absent for such a long time? Time feels like it's never-ending.

There are so many competing emotions, but none of them are ones that I want to concentrate on, so I turn my focus to Noel instead.

I just can't bring myself to say the word "gone" after saying "Yeah... she's." It's unethical, terrible, and the absolute worst thing she could be. "We were quite close to one another. ” Ugh. How did the word "were" get a bad rap all of a sudden? "She was the closest friend I've ever had. She was cherished by all. " It's a marvel that I can feel myself smiling at this very moment. Since it took place, I have not smiled when thinking of Mom's reaction to it. Even if my father weren't in his own world, I'm not sure I'd be able to join him there. He just lives in his own little bubble.

Darren, my ex-boyfriend, doesn’t understand. He doesn't have time to care about much because he's too busy playing sports and having fun.

Even if Alyson and Lillian make an effort, they are unable to comprehend the situation. It's easy to pretend you understand something when you haven't actually experienced it, but that doesn't mean you do. It's challenging dealing with them because they had such a deep understanding of her.

They had so much love for her. Not even close to as much as I do, but about as much as one mom can love another mom when they are best friends. However, she possessed such a level of strength. My other pals couldn't believe that she was indeed my mother.

She was the one thing I had that they didn't, and in the blink of an eye, she was snatched away from me. Maybe that's why I can't talk to them about it; maybe that's why I can't talk to them about it.

The pain in my chest begins to return.

"I truly apologize. "Noel uses his other hand to pull a strand of hair behind my ear, and he does so with his other hand. "It is extremely difficult when you lose someone who was close to you. My grandmother passed away. When I was a kid, I used to feel like I needed to be at her house because it was so peaceful there.

It is possible for me to experience joy. I loved her more than anyone else because she reminded me more of a mother than mine does. Since she has been gone, nothing has returned to its previous state. Just one more thing that the two of us share in common. " He exerts a light pressure on my hand.

"Just one more thing," I state again and again. Noel has experienced the pain of losing someone he cares about, therefore he understands what I am going through right now. Even though he had to say goodbye to his grandmother, he manages to make it so that I don't feel as though I'm the only one in the world.

"If you'd want, we may discuss her here if you like. Or there is no necessity for that. It is up to you to decide. I don't want to be pushy, but I also want to let you know that I'm here for you. ”

That is the very solution I was looking for. Everyone else tells me how to feel. But Noel allows me to proceed at my own rate. Do what I do and talk when I want to say. Feel what I feel. It's as though he's been able to fill a gap within me that I never imagined could ever be satisfied again. It makes me feel things that I had given up hope of ever wanting to feel again.

I tuck myself in next to him as he relaxes against the crooked trunk of the old tree. We have arrived at our usual hangout, a tranquil and secluded corner of paradise that Noel enjoys bringing me to. Nobody bothers us in this location. Nobody ever comes over here. It does not belong to anyone else but us.

I tell him, "You are magnificent," and I genuinely believe it. There are moments when I still can't believe I managed to track him down right when I required his assistance. Perhaps my mother sent him to me as a means of assisting me in coping with her absence. She has an uncanny ability to act morally, and I can't imagine her making a mistake in this situation. I am confident that if she were unable to be here for me, she would figure out a way to get someone else to help me out.

"No, you are. Emily, I truly do not know what I would do in your absence. I can't function without you. " His remarks are so easy to understand and so flawless that I used to have trouble believing them. On the other hand, I could have imagined my father acting in this manner with my mother. She often reflected on the fact that he was able to say exactly what was needed to be spoken.

When I turn to face him, Noel's lips come down on mine, and they are so very soft and delicate. He continues to intensify the kiss by inserting his tongue further into my mouth. It immediately goes to the top of my head. He has a way of going straight to my head, which causes my heart to do a little tap dancing and my stomach to flutter.

When his hand brushes against the front of my shirt, it causes me to quiver. My stomach is being tickled by his fingertips. My heart races even faster, but for a completely different cause than before. This wonderful moment between us is being disrupted by nerves that are making their way through.

Emily, take it easy. Do not panic.

His fingers start low and work their way up, higher and higher, until they reach the edge of my bra and begin to tickle it. It gives me the impression of an electric jolt and causes me to recoil in response. It's a strange transition to go from thinking about mom to feeling emotional about something.

When Noel lets out a deep breath, I immediately have a bad feeling about myself. "I'm sorry," I mumble to myself. Since he is here to help me, I ought to be able to assist him in this matter. It's not like this is some great crisis or something.

After muttering an expletive under his breath, he glances at me with a smug smirk on his face. "It's okay. It is not my intention to force you. Emily, I will never intentionally put pressure on you. You are aware that I adore you. ”

The words wrap themselves about me like a warm blanket, and in doing so, they fill additional spaces and gaps within me. It's possible that he'll get me back to normal in no time.

"I love you, too. ”

He stands and extends his hand to me in a kind gesture. I let him help me up. "Are you interested in participating in something? ” I ask. "Why don't we go to the movies or a nice restaurant for dinner?" ”

He gives a light head shake. "I approached Edward and inquired about the possibility of seeing his home. Today, he has plans to be absent for a while. Simply being in your company is all I desire right now. ”

I feel like I'm floating. It makes my heart happy that Noel wants to keep me all to himself. that he places such a high value on me that he enjoys being alone with me for long periods of time. He couldn't be any better in my eyes.