I was going to get myself killed. I could barely see what was in front of me as the tears streamed down my face but I couldn’t afford to stop the car and take a break. I had to get out of here!
Fuck Duke and fuck the mating bond. I had offered myself to him so many years ago and it hadn’t been good enough for him then. I refused to be accepted by him because of some feeling that a Goddess I had never met had forced upon me.
I tried not to think of that night. I tried not to let the memories wash over me but it was no good. The floodgates were open and they rushed to the front of my mind like a tsunami, allowing me to relive every painful, heartwrenching moment in stunning clarity. Of course I had never forgotten a moment of it...
****************************
5 years earlier
Grace's POV
I was hiding in the kitchens again, the only place I seemed to be able to find refuge lately. I wanted desperately to go to Duke, as I had so many times in the past, but I was too embarrassed to do it.
I had been an idiot, spent too much time idolizing him, staring at him as he jogged past our window, his skin glistening with sweat. I hadn't been able to take my eyes off him during training, had almost swooned at the small, gentle, patient smile he threw my way every now and then.
I shouldn't have been so obvious. Shouldn't have let my guard down as if I wasn't aware of the type of wolves I had to unfortunate privilege to call my parents.
My dad had taken special delight in going to the Alpha and informing him of my little crush on Duke. Of course, a fat, besotted teenager like myself, who was also a null to boot, wasn't appropriate for the future Alpha Luke. "Silly girl" had been one of the comments made, "handle it appropriately" had been another.
Handle appropriately my ass. The pair had ransacked my room and found any evidence they could of my "obsession" and taken delight in confronting Duke with it. They had found everything, from the napkin that Duke had written on telling me I did a great job during training, to the water bottle he had snatched out of my hands and taken a drink out of. There was a T-Shirt that he had left in the guest room that I often slept in (As my parents were the current betas, it made sense that the Alphas would stay at their house if they returned from hunting or patrol early morning).
The final straw was the diary. Oh Goddess, the diary. I knew what that contained and knew that I would never be able to face Duke again. Maybe I had gotten carried away, maybe I had read too much into his sweet gestures and kind words. Maybe he really was just showing sympathy to the mutt that no one really wanted. Was that such a crime? Was I not allowed to find a shred of happiness in my miserable life?
I had seen Duke once since that day and he had barely been able to stomach looking at me. His cheeks had burned with embarrassment as he turned away and left me standing on the pavement, my vision blurred with unshed tears. He had made it clear that he didn't want to be around me
"Move, girlie" the new chef told me, barking her words at me as she bumped me with her hip to shove me out of the way. She had heard about Pricilla and what happened when people allowed themselves to grow too close to me. She wouldn't allow me in the kitchens, wouldn't allow herself to be friends with me lest she end up in a similar position.
I shuffled out of the kitchen quarters without another word. There wasn't a place for me anywhere. The only place I could go was home, although I visibly recoiled at the thought. My mother was on one again. Time was running short for her to submit her replacement and all this was doing was bringing forward my shortcomings once more.
I had no idea how other packs worked, but in this one, our position was usually passed down through the family and so it was expected that I would replace my parents as betas alongside my mate, whoever they were. Each replacement was announced before the current holder gave up their role so that we got in at least a decade of training, although the more the better. Unless there was a tragic accident, in which case the heir would automatically inherit the position until they either proved themselves unworthy and were banished or they were challenged.
My mother knew that she couldn't submit me and my wolf (or lack of) as replacement. A Beta was supposed to protect the Alpha and since I couldn't shift, what use was I against an enemy wolf ambush? As well as the fact that my crush was being used against me, how could I protect the Alpha and his mate and children when I was so in love with him? I would be bitter, make stupid decisions, be intentionally cruel to the new Luna.
I didnt care, I had never wanted to be a Beta anyway. My parents were right in that regard - they should have had a boy,m at least he would have had more fight in him. Male wolves seemed obsessed with position and status more than she-wolves. I was happy to just be me, to find something that brought me comfort and peace. I knew I wouldn't find it in this pack.
I made a decision there and then. I was going to leave. I would go home, allow my parents to say what they needed to say and hope that this time their words didn't turn physical and then I would wait until they fell asleep and I would go. I could bribe the guards to let me out of the border gates, I doubt they would need much persuasion anyway. Noone wanted me here and I was okay with that. I didn't want to be here.
*********************
As soon as I entered the front door, I knew something was wrong. My parents were sitting on the sofa facing the entrance, apparently waiting for my return.
"What's happened?" I asked nervously, wringing my hands in front of me as I waited for the inevitable explosion
"Duke is here" my mother said tightly. "He was wounded during a rogue attack and wouldn't have made it home." I hoped and prayed that neither of them would pick up on how my heart began to race. Please don't let them notice how much electricity seemed to bounce through my body at the mere mention of Duke being in the same house as me.
"Grace," my mother continued, her nose in the air as she looked down at me, "I'm sure it goes without saying that you are to stay away from him. Do not bring any further shame upon this family or I swear I will rip the hair from your scalp and peal the skin from your back. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, mother" I whispered back, horrified at her words but not at all surprised. I had chunks of my hair torn out before, what did another display of her dominance over me matter? I was utterly defeated.
"We're warning you, child" my dad boomed forcefully, "you are to go straight to your room and stay there. When Duke has left we will come and get you and permit you to leave, not a moment sooner. You will miss dinner this evening, maybe even breakfast and lunch tomorrow. You have enough weight on you to tide you over anyway, you'll be fine"
I looked down at the floor, shuffling my feet as I focused on anything other than the hurt that his words inflicted. "May I please be excused? I'll go straight to my room, I promise."
They both gave small noises of confirmation and I slowly walked away, knowing how much my mum hated my "thunder thighs" jiggling if I walked fast or the heavy pads of my shoes as though I deliberately put all my weight behind my steps.
I had to pass the guest room on the way to my bedroom and as soon as I heard Duke's soft snores through the door, an idea came to mind.
Surely just once wouldn't hurt? I promised myself that I would be gone long before he woke. From what I knew about wolves, they slept like the dead whilst they were healing. He would never know that I was there until it was too late. He would smell me as soon as he woke up, but by that time I planned to be far, far away from this pace. What harm could I possibly cause by sharing a bed with him?
I closed the door to my room softly, tiptoeing across the carpet and sitting on the edge of my bed. Did I dare do this? How could I not? Did I really want to spend the rest of my life wondering what if? I would give myself this one memory of being close to him, of being able to feel his skin under my hands. I would permit myself this one thing. Nothing bad could happen.
I stayed sat on the edge of my bed, chewing on my bottom lip as all my doubts and anxieties came to the forefront of my mind - do I have the courage to see this through? What if Duke wakes up? Is there a possibility that my parents are going to catch me?It was only when I tasted blood in my mouth that I jumped up, heading straight for the door and pressing my ear against it, straining to hear any signs of life that would indicate my parents were still awake. When I was met with the sweet sound of silence, I took a deep breath and ripped the door open, marching straight to the guest room before I had the chance to lose my nerve.Without knocking, I pushed open the door, slipping inside silently like a thief in the night and closing it softly behind me. I took a moment, resting my back against the wood as I took in the sight in front of meDuke was laid on his stomach, his arm wrapped around the pillow above him. The sheets had slipped down and were tangled aroun
You need to start talking, Grace, and do it fucking quickly before I lose what little patience I have left” I growled, shoving her hand away from me.I thought I had been dreaming when I first felt the soft body press against mine, it was only when my wolf roared at me over and over that I needed to wake up that I tuned into my senses and inhaled the scent of the last person who should be climbing into my bed in the middle of the nightAs soon as my eyes had opened and bored into hers, I saw the sheer terror, the rapid pulse throbbing at the base of her neck. She knew she shouldn’t be here, so why the fuck had she cuddled close to me, wearing nothing but underwear that was far too old for her? Where had she even got that lacy piece of nothing? I hadn’t looked for more than a second but it was enough.“Grace...” all she could do was open and close her mouth as she struggled to find the words. “I need you to tell me what the fuc
I stood in front of the mirror, staring at my body that was still tingling from being so close to Duke and trying to see myself through his eyes, to see what it was he saw me. Goddess knew I couldn't see a thing about myself that would appeal to any male, let alone one who was as chiselled and hard as Duke.I suppose my skin was quite creamy. I ran the back of my fingers along my ribcage and over to the top of my lace panties. It felt quite soft. Is this what Duke felt when I pressed myself against him?I brought my hands up and cupped my tits, feeling an unfamiliar but altogether appealing sensation shoot through me. My hands could barely hold them, they were definitely more than enough for Duke's huge palms.I had heard the girls giggling at school in so many conversations that I had never been invited to join. Some of them had said that their boyfriends had placed their face against their chest, almost smothering themselves in their girlfriend's tits. Would D
I had to pull over as the memories overwhelmed me. It was all I could do to catch my breath, remembering all the techniques I had learned over the years to slow down my breathing and concentrate on letting go of the anger and resentment.It wasn’t easy though. All I could think about was the way that I had been betrayed, the way that I had felt when Duke had looked at me with such disgust, anger and worst of all, disappointment.I had pinned so many of my hopes on him, had seen him as a lifeline, a way out of a shitty household that had wished nothing but pain and misery on me and in my darkest hour, Duke had abandoned me, leaving me as a shell of my former myself.I had left that night, not thinking about what I was throwing into a suitcase, I just grabbed the things that were closest and I walked out. No one tried to stop me. Noone came looking for me. I think that’s what hurt the most.I had genuinely thought that when the anger died down a
Duke grabbed hold of my ass, pulling me tight against him, letting me know exactly what effect I had on him and that this time, unlike all those years ago, he wasn’t going to hold back. As he began to walk backwards, I wrapped my arms around his neck, caught up in the moment, unable to make sense of what was happening. All I knew was that I didn't want this to stop. After all this time, I needed more. So much more"What are you waiting for?" I whispered against his lips, running my tongue along them and placing kisses along his jaw, loving the way his stubble felt so rough under my mouth.He backed me up some more until I felt the cool wall against my back. "You should know better than to play with the big, bad wolf, Grace" he teased, his hands slipping under my top, softly stroking against my stomach as they made their way further up my body.My head dropped back, thrusting my chest forward in delight, desperate to feel his hands on me"You don't s
I sensed the change in Grace the minute I saw her enter the kitchen. Gone was the playful look in her eye that had been so full of lust and wonder at what we had just done and what remained was so cold and full of ice that it was almost like a slap in the face. She had shut down on me, closed the shutters so that I couldn't enter any further.I don't know why, but it pissed me off. I had thought we had been making progress, I had felt the way her wolf had been reaching out to mine the entire time and yet she had slammed the door shut for any further progress.A feeling of shame and guilt washed over me as soon as I thought that. I was being unfair. I had also felt the way she had reacted to me. The sheer amazement and innocence that revealed far more than any of her words could have done. It didn't take a genius to work out that she hadn't been touched like that before. I didn't know whether or not she was a virgin or just had a string of bad lovers but something told
Alone in this house, I had the chance to reflect. I had been a prized bitch to Duke. He hadn’t deserved what I had screamed at him and I hadn’t done myself any favours.I looked at the sofa and saw the telltale signs that it had been used as a bed - the way the cushions had been propped up against the arm, the dint in the middle from the body that was too large to comfortably fit on there. It seemed Duke wasn’t able to face the upstairs bedrooms where so much had happened either.It left me with no choice. I couldn’t stay in my room, not after what came to mind earlier so it left me with one other choice. I would stay in the guest room where it had all began, where the memories were happier, if not just as painful.As soon as I climbed into the soft bed, the memories washed over me, as I knew they would. This time I welcomed them, my own personal punishment. A reminder to myself of why this would never have worked.****************
There she was, curled up in a tiny ball of golden fluff, sleeping without a care in the world. My hand reached out to touch her but stopped short, hovering over her shiny fur.She was magnificent. I knew Grace had struggled growing up not knowing her wolf, feeling rejected but just this small look at her told me she was worth the wait.The power radiated off her, emitting a warning of death and destruction to all those who crossed her.She whinnied softly in her sleep and I placed my hand under her snout, letting her catch on to my scent to assure her I was still around and watched with amazement as she settled back to sleep immediately.She was a wolf that would do any Alpha proud. She may be small but she was solid muscle. Just like Grace had become. Why was she so determined to hide her from me? Was she scared of my rejection? Or worse, did her wolf now hate me? Had I ruined our chances of bonding?Her wolf had only appeared once mine was around