SLOWLY MINE

Chapter 2

The computer turned on with soft hum that sounded deafening to Leon’s ears. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, his nails digging crescent moon shapes into his skin as he braced for impact. He was expecting his father’s voice to thunder in the room. He expected scriptures to tear from his throat.

He expected the kind of fury that would engulf him like he was burning in flames.

But the shouting never came. Instead, there was a heavy silence that pressed down against him so hard, it felt like a boulder was placed on his shoulders. The more the silence dragged on, the excruciating it felt. His lungs burned from holding his breath in for too long.

Finally, Leon slid his eyes open and what was on the screen knocked the breath out of his lungs. On his computer screen was nothing more than arranged study notes, a few essays on theology and a research paper from school.

The evidence of his lustful writing was nowhere in sight.

Leon’s mind was a blank sheet. He was certain he hadn’t closed the document, there hadn’t been time to do that. Yet the screen displayed his innocence. The sudden disappearance of his secret didn’t feel relieving at all. It felt more like something supernatural had happened.

“Hm, that is good my son.”

His father’s words of approval settled in the air heavily. The pastor closed the laptop and then rested a hand on Leon’s shoulder.

“I want you to always remember that desire is a trap of the enemy,” he said quietly. “The enemy issues it to enslaves the minds of the weak.Now, follow me. Let God wash away your filth.”

Leon nodded, his body feeling mechanical as he rose up from the floor. Relief flooded him and his body began to tremble as the adrenaline wore off. He began to walk down the stairs, and his legs felt boneless. Each step made his legs threaten to give out on him.

Despite that, his groin was still very much active. Fear had not killed his lust in any way.He felt a surge of self-loathing—his own body was betraying him, putting him in grave danger.

He arrived at the kitchen and his mother stood by the counter pouring bags of ice into a wide tub that has been placed on the tiles floor. The clinking of the ice against each other echoed through the entire room. She glanced at Leon, a hint of sorrow and sympathy in her eyes, one she had never dared to voice out.

The moment the pastor entered behind Leon, her gaze dropped to the ice, her posture going rigid. In this house she existed as nothing more than a decorative statue that was positioned at the corners of sermons.

Leon sometimes thought of himself as someone similar, something smaller. He was like a small bonsai tree, being pruned and trimmed by strict, relentless hands. The clinking sound came to a halt as the last bucket of ice cubes were dumped into the tub.

His father nudged him, and Leon stepped in front of the tub. He stripped off every piece of clothing, revealing the scars that lined his skin. Despite the tremble in his fingers, he folded each item neatly, just as his father had taught him, before stepping into the large tub.

“The ritual of ice will purify your impure, lustful thoughts,” his father said, his voice booming across the room.

Leon lowered himself into the water and the shock knocked the breath out of his lungs as he gasped violently. The cold hit his abdomen like a punch, biting and spreading across his skin. The pain that followed was unbearable. It was so suffocating, his muscles contracted.

Leon gripped the rim of the tub until his knuckles turned white. His teeth clattered as the cold seeped into his core. His breath came out as shallow huffs and fogged the air in front of him. He stared at the ceiling, trying not to cry out from the pain.

The sound of his father quoting scriptures blurred as the cold sharp pain took over his mind.

Despite the pain, his mind betrayed him. He imagined Damian pressing against his back in the tub, his cock plunging deep inside of him. The thought made heat curl beneath his stomach despite the cold. In that moment, his father’s sharp eyes were fixed on him as he said scriptures like a ritual chant.

“Get out of the tub,” his father said sharply after reciting the last verse. “I hope this will teach you not to give into such carnal desires anymore?”

Leon couldn’t respond. He nodded slowly, lips and skin as pale as a ghost. His father studied him for a few more seconds, before turning away. When he finally exited the kitchen, Leon remained curled in the tub for a few more seconds. When he could finally move again, he climbed out of the tub with unsteady legs and wrapped himself in a towel.

As he dressed, anger spread through his chest, replacing the cold with heat. He hated his father for treating him like this, but his anger couldn’t be directed anywhere. Instead, harsh words spilled out of his lips.

“Go to hell, you old geezer,” he hissed underneath his breath. His words were barely audible, but carried the weight of everything he couldn’t express out loud.

His mother walked up to him and they made eye contact for a few long seconds, before she lowered her gaze and spoke.

“Come and join us at the dinner table when you’re fully dressed,” she said, her voice as low as a whisper. 

After that, she disappeared out of the kitchen. Leon sighed, reluctantly trudging out of the kitchen and joining them at the dining table.

The night stretched on endlessly. Dinner passed in an uncomfortable silence. His father discussed about scriptures and upcoming sermons, while his mother just nodded like a robot that was only programmed to agree to his words. Every moment felt like Leon was walking on eggshells.

He played around with his food, mind drifting far away. Leon couldn’t help but think about how his novel was not on the screen when the laptop turned on.

Why had the document disappeared?

He replayed the moment over and over again. He was sure the document was open. Unless he had closed it quickly, but he knew there was no time for that. The panic had overwhelmed him.

 “Stop picking at your food like a child and eat,” his father’s voice echoed through the entire room.

Those words knocked Leon back to reality and he nodded, shoving a spoonful into his mouth. His father went back to his incessant chatter while Leon forced himself to gulp down his food even though his appetite was none existent.

Once he plate was empty, he left the table without saying a word. Leon hurriedly made his way back into his room and climbed into bed. He immediately threw the sheets over himself as his body shivered slightly.

When the house finally fell into silence and the clock ticked past midnight, Leon slipped from his bed and sat in front of his computer. He pressed the power button and the screen flicked to life, showing the smut that was there originally.

Confusion flooded his mind, and then he saw it.

At the very top of the pay was a new sentence that had been inserted there in a bold font 

I helped you

Leon’s eyes grew wide, his breath catching in his throat. He didn’t remember typing those words. Had someone accessed his file?

His fingers hovered over the keyboard as they trembled. The thought that someone had traced his anonymous account made his stomach sink.

Swallowing hard, he typed slowly...who are you?

The blinking cursor paused at the end of his question and he pressed enter. For a moment, nothing happened. Before his feet eyes, the sentence vanished entirely, like it was never there.