Chapter 4

Susan’s pov

First things first. I needed a plan— one without flaws. There was no room for mistakes this time.

I paced back and forth inside my room, from one end to the another, my mind racing. I listed everything I had done in my past life, every mistake I had made. The list was long— too long. And still, despite everything, I was never enough.

Those words echoed in my brain like a curse. Never enough. Rage surged inside of me, I am human and I had emotions. A tear drop slipped from my right eye. I let it fall. I didn’t wipe it away because this was the last time.

I sat down at my desk, reaching for a pen. I needed to write down my plan. I pulled my drawer open, my eyes caught it and my hand froze — a journal.

Not just any journal— the journal. Jamie had given to me when we got married seven years ago. One of the many gifts he had given me before I realized he was nothing but a liar.

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“Ohhh… my wife, I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you” jamie had whispered, his voice filled with adoration as he stepped towards me. I had been sitting at the edge of the bed, and when I looked up, his eyes were filled with nothing but love for me.

He sat down beside me, his hands gently wrapping around my waist as he placed gentle kisses along my skin, his touch sent shivers down my spine.

He pulled something from behind him—a journal. This journal. It was yellow, my initials carved into the cover and then a writing beneath it, it read

“my love, write down your thoughts. The things you want to do, your goals and achieve them”.

He had placed it in my hands and smiled as he read the words aloud.

“i made it specially for you, and I want you to do exactly what it says. Don’t just write your dreams— achieve them. You are an incredible woman, and I will always love you”— always love me? , that was a lie from the pit of hell.

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Reality slammed back into me, this man had lied to me, manipulated me, played me like a fool. And now, The very journal he had made specially for me, the one meant to hold my dreams will be the one used to plan his downfall.

Just then a sudden sharp pain cut through my stomach and then it hit me— I am pregnant. In my past life I had been four months along and on this very day, I had lost my baby.

Lily had been unusually kind to me, she had come to take me out for a drink, I had trusted her. And then hours later I had collapsed, waking up at the hospital, to a news that the baby was gone. I had broken down that day but I was too blind to see what was boldly written in front of me.

Then another wave of realization hit me, she had done it on purpose. Killed my baby because she wanted Jamie, she knew that as long as I carried his baby, she’d never get a chance with Jamie and so she did what she had to do.

A knock at the door snapped me out of my spiraling thoughts. Lily. She came in, smiling—typical Lily. But this time I knew, I saw past her fake smile, the hatred that was hidden behind that perfectly rehearsed expression.

“Hey Susan, let’s have some sister time together, let’s grab a drink, I’d be waiting for you downstairs” she said cheerfully

I forced a small smile, “Oh… okay. I’d be down in ten” I stammered. Then she left.

Should I go?, I had a strong debate within me. I knew what was going to happen and this time, I was going to make things different.