ZADEThe white patterned ceiling is my view.I wonder how long I can stay like this, stay in silence before the man seated on the couch in my hospital private wing starts speaking. I can feel his disappointment in me. I figured that he would have avoided me, banished me even, or locked me up before accepting to see me, but here we are.I wonder if he is waiting for me to break the since then, he will bring the hammer down, crushing me.I sigh, taking responsibility. It's going to happen anyway, so let me get it over with.“grandpa … I …” I what? I am sorry. I don’t feel apologetic towards that man called my father. I would do it again. “I am sorry I ruined your party.” That I am apologetic and ashamed of.“it would take more than a few drunk outbursts to ruin my party,” Grandpa sighs, snapping the papers he was reading shut.I sit up on the bed and look at him. The room is big; there is a bed area and a visitor's area, where there is a couch, coffee table, and a large window beside th
ZADEMy parents didn’t pretend to act like they got mated because of love. They are both from powerful families, and allegiance through mating and marriage is the best way to go. The fact that the goddess chose them as true mates was luck, too.I never saw them be in love or act like they adored each other. Mother loved being a Luna, and she was content in her side of the world. Father had expanded the pack and was stronger, a strong Luna too by his side, and he was content in his world.But through all that, they respected each other. They were cordial and loyal towards each other. It was a family that was good enough despite the lack of warmth that only love brings to a home.They never fought. Ever.I took that as a sign that they were both happy. But all in all, I knew that I would change, I would be mated to someone I love because I had seen how mates who loved each other acted and behaved. They weren’t detached, almost cold like it was in my home, no.They were lively, and I cou
ZADEDead leaves crunch under my boots as I walk the narrow, overgrown trail.It's so quiet here, even the birds are not singing. Only a gentle sway of the trees and the rustling of the leaves.I reach my destination and look at the trimmed and well-kept tombstone. The flowers I brought last time are still here but dead now, just like everything else in this cemetery. Crouching down, I pick them up and replace them with fresh ones I have brought.“hi, mom.” I sigh, looking at the stone, the name scribbled, and the short message. Right beside it, there is another smaller one, my baby brother.Coming here today, especially after the conversation I had with my grandfather, was tough. It has felt like I have been the only one fighting for my mom even long after she left. I feel like I have been alone all this time.Things are changing. Everything seems to be falling apart, shifting and reshaping itself, and I don’t know what to do with myself. I am the one person that changing will never
ZADEEveryone tells me that Grandpa is the scariest man to ever exist in this world. I do agree with them because I feel the same way. But I also have a different relationship with him, one that’s not known by anyone and who he is inside his home.Grandpa is a family man. He loves and cherishes his family and protects them, too. He is the only man I have ever seen love and protect unconditionally.People see him as the ruthless, cold, hearted alpha, a powerhouse, and he is. he is the spine of this family. But he is also my grandfather. He is warm caring, and he loves me. He treats me like his grandson and probably still sees me as the ten-year-old who broke the precious bowl that Grandma made for him on the first date they went to.Grandma died a long time ago. She was the nurturer and a very tong woman. Grandpa still holds on, but he misses her, it's evident when you come into this house. Everything remains as it was when she decorated it, how she did things around the house.Coming
ARII have been bleeding.I haven’t left my room ever since the party, afraid that the outside world is going to be unbearable. I have been having nightmares, too. From dreaming about Olivia circulating the video of Zade and I making out, but it's not just making out this time, it's more to me being beaten up because I am a slut.How did I end up getting here? From being uninterested in boys to having my first kiss stolen to now dreaming about being shamed about my sexual endeavors?It's not like there are any sexual endeavors, but it's there. It's implied, and it's all because of Zade. He is the root of all my problems.Classes are going to resume tomorrow; the long weekend is over, and I am terrified.My phone has been off for a reason.Groaning, I curl up in a ball and pull the duvet over my head, sinking deeper into bed. If I don’t have to deal with it today, then maybe sleeping until I have to is the remedy. I just wish I could disappear or be told I don’t have to go here anymore
ARI“let's bond. But I will have one wish that I will ask of you in the future. Se it like a business deal. You get what you want, and I will collect my wish whenever. You must do it, though.”He looks at me, probably trying to see if I am tricking him or if I am telling the truth. Whatever he sees makes him nod once. “deal.”“if you break it-““it’s a promise formed under the completion of the bond, sort of like a blood covenant. I can't break it. Have a little faith in me.”“That’s something I will not do, but sure. Let's do it then,” I clap, sit on the couch, and pat the space on my left.He looks confused. “what?”Rolling my eyes, “I don’t need eyes on me as you sink your teeth into my neck, so let's do it now.”He walks over in quick steps, eyebrows raised, looking at me incredulously. “we need to have a ceremony for this. You do know I am the next king alpha, don’t you?”“And I know you don’t want your sweet girlfriend seeing you claiming and marking another woman in front of ev
ARII am going to burst into flames, and yet, I can't move.I am weak, my body, not my own, as I feel myself falling, but strong arms catch me before I slump on the floor.Zade finally retracts his fangs and looks at me, his eyes like the snow of my Alps… my home. I feel like I am in a fever dream the longer I stare into those pale eyes, no longer silver.There is blood trickling down his chin, mouth slightly open.“Ari.”My eyes shut close as the feeling finally starts coming back to my body, but the fire in my blood isn't ceasing.Zade doesn’t utter another word but tilts his head to the side, baring his neck open for me. It feels like I am moving in slow motion as I kneel and lean forward, getting closer and closer to his neck.I can't call in my wolf; I can't extend my sharp fangs out, either. My feverish brain is registering all of this, but I still clamp down on his neck. His soft grunt is the only indication I get that, yes, I have bitten him.Not enough to sink deeper, but I d
ZADEShe is everywhere.I can feel her in my blood, in my bones, under my skin. She envelops me, traveling through every neuron from my head to my toes.But then it's gone too soon.She slumps down, my neck tingling where she has bitten me. All I want is for her to bite me again, for me to feel that closeness that I have never known existed. It's heavenly to be close, to be one with her … her blood still in my mouth, her scent intertwined with mine.But she is twitching on the floor. She is in pain, and I want to help her. But I am weak; my body doesn’t feel like mine. Something is making me immobile, this heavy=iness over my body.I can't breathe as I watch her from where I am kneeling on the floor.But then she exhales, as if she has been released, just as the feeling of being repressed fades away, and I am back to myself.My head is feeling hazy still, in a good way. I feel high. I am high on her …She is shifting. Her wolf seems to be awakening …She is beautiful. She is so beauti
ARIZade is letting me take what I need from him, this time letting me have my way on my terms.It has been that way from the very beginning, but tonight, it's like he wants me to take care of myself using him and, in a way, take care of himself too, by using him.So when I guide him and press him on my opening, we both freeze, breathing heavily before I urge him with a pull of his hips to push inside me.And heavens, it feels delicious. The stretch, the feeling of him opening me up as my walls accommodate him until he is fully seated inside me …I contract, squeezing him, feeling the girth inside me and I want to swallow more of him, suck him in and keep him there … it’s a heady, good feeling.“Why won't you love me?” The hoarse whisper makes me open my eyes just as Zade looks at me. He is …crying?“What?” I ask, eyes wide.“Why did you say you can't love me?”“Because,” I shift, and we both groan. His hips jerk in response, and he starts moving slowly. He has forgotten about the que
ARIWhen the body is exposed to extreme cold, at some point, it stops supplying the less important parts with blood in order to save the vital organs.It has been quite similar to me. I have spent most of my life just functioning, and apparently it has been necessary for my body to cut off supplies to some of the things anyone my age would deem normal to have.There hasn’t been a case where I could feel anything other than flight and flight. But eventually, here I am.My body is thawing, slowly coming to life, and it feels so good.Zade’s tongue is slicking inside my mouth, seeking and touching every crevice inside. His body is pressed to mine to keep me up, one thigh pressed between my legs, one hand grabbing my butt, hips flushed.I am weak at my knees. I want him, I can feel him, and I am floating. I know I am kissing him, but I am also falling and falling, feeling safe that he will catch me.It’s a dam that has been let loose.He is mine. I shouldn’t feel this way. I should feel g
ZADE“But then it will be another, then another… if you can be swayed so easily, then is it even worth it?”“I wasn’t swayed easily. You and I know that there is more to us than a bond between mates.”“Hard to believe that when all that connects us is that.”“Our parents do connect us, too. Do you think we wouldn’t have crossed paths if we hadn’t been mates?”“We could have, but you would be intent on killing me or destroying my life like you did at the beginning.”“That’s true. But you can just chalk up my feelings and invalidate them, simplify them to one variable.”“It’s the only thing that is making sense. I mean, here I am, sitting in your love sanctuary, surrounded by your memories with her, and yet you are telling me it's me you want. What about her? Why was it so easy for you to just leave her?”“If you hadn't shown up, I already knew it would rather be her that I pretended with, cosplayed my inner wishful thinking even though it wasn’t true.”I close my eyes briefly before lo
ZADEThere is something dark, alluring, and compelling about Ari Silvers that I have never been able to fully comprehend.Her beauty and magnetism are not the traditional kind. It's raw, demands that you see her, revere her, and ache to be close to her, so you can bathe in it.She is beautiful in the traditional sense as well, but then you look again. And again, and again. You are drawn in, wanting, needing, desiring, and even wanting to corrupt.She is pure, she is dark, she is innocent, but also twisted. She is all that you wish you could hold and covet to yourself, but you cannot. For it is not to be held by others and coveted, stolen, but to be looked at, worshiped, and if you are good, to be bathed in.But never yours.She is sitting on the rooftop.I followed the feeling of our bond, and I am surprised, a little unsure why she would be here. This is where she fell, almost to her death after all.Her knees are pressed against her chest as she looks at the far distance, lost in wh
ZADEI stop behind one balding man, I think he is here because he is a legacy. Not the official family but still as important. I can see the sweat trickling down his neck into the stiff, tight suit he is wearing.If I wasn’t so sure before, now standing behind him as he reeks of fear … it's solid. My hand goes through his back, and I touch the organ that’s beating and warm in my palm.Gasps echo around, but no one says a word, as they look at me with horrified expressions, save for my father, of course.“This man,” I turn to Jude, “you missed this man.” My fingers close around the beating organ and pull my hand back. The body shakes, twitching before his head thumps on the table like a log. The scent of blood permeates the air, thickening it with the tension and fear pulsing in the room.I walk over to Jude and let the organ fall on his file, and he looks at it, eyes wide. I am sure he isn't breathing. After all, I just killed a legacy, and he has a lot of mess to clean up.And also,
ZADEWe are back to ignoring each other.Or to be more precise, Ari has gone back to hating my guts and ignoring my existence. And when she sees me, when our eyes meet, those first two seconds, time seems to slow down, and it's only us. The world fades away, and it's us, and I usually get this feeling in my chest, this heavy thing that is threatening to drown me, but in a sweet way.It's only us, as if we know something, just the two of us, and then the moment is snapped and broken, and she is back to scowling at me, rolling her eyes.But I know, those few seconds, where it is only us, when time stops and we only see each other, feel each other… that is the truth of us.She told me she wanted devotion and then proceeded to lock herself in the bedroom before she left early in the morning, even though we did spend the night together.I didn’t sleep, not when she was in the next room and I knew she wasn’t asleep either. I listened to her breathing, every turn and twist in the bed.I list
ARI“What's going on inside this little mind?” his voice is so close to me, nose brushing my temple.I should feel something. A tingle, but I am so damn tired. All I want is to sleep, forget that I exist for a few hours before I start going back to my life. I can't escape it anymore, now can I?“Nothing,” I sigh. “I am just a little sleepy.”Is he expecting more from me tonight?I wish I had the girls with me. They would allow me to be in your space. Maybe I should call them, text them, but I don't have my phone. I remember crashing it in the hotel suite before I walked out into the traffic.Maybe I am not as okay as I think. But getting a grip is important.If I am going to avenge and face the people who ruined me to begin with, I can't let go of the reality. I need to be focused and work hard to make sure they don’t destroy me before I destroy them.I know I am not going to come out of it. The plans I made to go study law as further studies, get out of the pack and live my life as a
ARIMy life is a mess.It’s a fucked life, painful, dry, bland, void of colour.I am ugly too, rotting slowly inside, underserving of anything good because that’s just what is set in stone for me.Despite it all, despite feeling all of that, as Zade looks at me like I mean something, like I matter … I can't help but want to be under that gaze for a longer time.He is looking at me how he used to look at Olivia, like he might love me, like I mean something. He wants to know if I am okay, taking care of me, a gentle, caring touch on my cold, withering soul.I don’t deserve it, and yet.I yearn for it. Crave it. I can't not shudder under it.“Do you want me to ask you?”Yes. I want him to ask me. I want him to push for me to tell him what's going on in my head. For him to fight for me. I am selfish like that. Mother didn’t say anything untrue, because here I am, asking and taking what doesn’t belong to me.I came into this life, took Olivia’s man under fate’s guidance, and yes. It hurt.
ARII don’t think I have ever truly let myself think deeply about Zade, who is becoming, and his birthright. I am not one to attach my identity to the boy I am seeing or crushing on, and in this case, the boy I am mated to.But it's still heavy. I find it … sexy that he is already so mature, powerful too, and it's only going to get even better.Yes, I think I am crushing on Zade, and I can't control choking on my water once that fully hits me.“Are you okay?” he asks me as he rushes to my side, rubbing my back.“Yeah,” I wheeze out. “Guess I am a little surprised.”“Why?” he chuckles as he gets back to cooking.“The first thing someone sees when they see you is how spoiled you are.” That’s not true.The first thing I saw and felt when I first laid my eyes on him was just how magnetic and powerful he was. Yes, you could tell from miles away that he is wealthy, but it wasn’t the kind I got from the rest of the students.No, his was the quiet, generational wealth that just didn’t come fr