6. THE DEVIL HAS SHARP TEETH

All my life I had danced with the devil and each time he took charge and stirred me to every direction he wanted me at.

You ask me where hell was and I would point to the very life we were living in, going through life as if we were in control when we were far from it. All my life even breathing had come with consequences, everything coming at a price with hell to pay after it.

You think you know pain, thinking you had hit its rock bottom with life stubborn to prove to you that you could never understand the cruelty of the world and I understood just that night that my pain, my suffering had no bounds.

That night I knew that no matter how much you try, if you are not anointed from birth then there was nothing for you. I learned when I was young that if someone hated you, nothing you could do or say would change their perspective of you. You could never make someone love you, you could never make someone care.

And I could never beg enough for the heavens to forgive me for whatever crime I had committed.

I felt as the hands gripped me. They were cold, thin and long as my naked body was placed in one’s arms, twisted and turned around, probing every part of me.

I could feel the anger, I could feel the hate even in my unconscious state.

How could someone hate you so much when they did not even know you?

I swam in and out of darkness, begging death to take me away, crying with everything I had to him but he spat me away and told me I was not his child to claim.

In and out I drifted, back and forth tossed between hands knowing what had fallen on me, what cruelty I would face again.

The wind was cold, my body bare with hands touching every part they wanted.

A little part of me drifted away with each step they took with me knowing I was bound by the God of torture.

My head was light, not sure if I wanted to be alive or not for what was to come but as we all know at this point, luck was never on my side. It was an enemy of mine, looking for ways to make me suffer more than I had. I stirred into consciousness, my eyes fluttering open to close as my head lolled back and forth seeing a bloodied t-shirt.

It took a second for me to realize that the blood was mine, that it was dripping from me, down in beads and wetting the t-shirt along with the pants the man was wearing.

Dread washed over me, my quick and smart mouth no where to help me as I tried to think but hitting a wall with each turn my thoughts took. I could see many more feet behind the man who was carrying me. It was a whole army, more than seven of them with them chatting and laughing out loud because life was peachy for them.

The tears burned hard, my nose burning as the tears slipped.

I was hung over a shoulder, my ass up with my feet bound along with my hands, bound so tight my shoulders were as if to snap away, leaving my arms on the floor.

The pain, unimaginable as I blinked over and over but it never left me.

My stomach turned over and over again with the bile rising up and burning its way all through until I gagged it out, something green with saliva coming out. The pain left me groaning, my stomach as if folding itself into a twist, gagging even more and coughing from the vomit.

My body flew in the air so fast, hitting hard with my eyes closing and taking the pain as it washed over me and left me paralyzed, my lips trembling.

Kicks came from every direction, the man shouting about his clothes. I folded myself into a ball, my brain seeming to shrink into the size of a ball as I just pushed everything out.

Little one, little one. Mommy is here, mommy is watching, mommy is loving you forever.

Little one, little one. Mommy is here, mommy is caring, mommy is loving you forever.

Little one, little one. Mommy is here,  mommy is happy, mommy is loving you forever.

I don’t know why that song came into mind but I found myself singing it over and over again, chatting it with nothing else heard as my arms came over my head, just drowning everything away.

A five-year-old me had walked to the market, tired, hungry and in pain from the beating I had just received from Wendy. I had been carrying a duel coin which could barely buy an apple but I was supposed to come back home with  three bath soaps and the bucket I had broke while cleaning the house. My feet were bruised from walking all through the snow barefooted and the sound had come over and over again with my head turning.

A mother, one of the women who had a vegetable stall in the market sat with her baby wrapped in so many blankets. The woman herself had been wearing just an old t-shirt that was torn here and there, seeing that she had patched it up many times before. She was as cold and as blue as I had been with my torn shirt that was acting as a dress. Yet, the smile on her face had been something else. Her happiness shone through her eyes. The love for her baby had kept her warm and happy. I had longed, had felt the tears shimmer in my eyes but I had shook my little head and walked away from that scene to never think about it until that very moment as more and more hits came with blood sipping from my mouth.

My foot was wrapped by a hand, pulling me with it. I wanted to scream but I held it in, teeth biting down my tongue as I was dragged through grass, stones and sand that tore my skin apart. I held my head even tighter, singing the song even louder in my head with no tears pouring from me.

The scene played over and over again in my head, that woman singing, her smile. Even if it was not directed to me, it warmed my heart in a way it had never been warmed. It gave me hope that everything would be over soon, that I would drift away.

My foot was let go, my body flipped.

“ We are close to the station. If you want to test how it feels with a dog, this is your chance.” One said.

“ I feel like it would taint my blood. The vampire God will punish me for dirtying myself in that way.” Another commented as my arms fell away from my face with the song let go. My eyes stared from face to face, blood thirsty vampires.

“ Don’t be stupid, I am doing it. It was our luck they sent us to get her on our own, all those they catch, they take them straight to the royal prison, I am doing it.”  Another bickered with me shifting where I was. I did not have to be smart to know what they were talking about. In my head I was screaming, screaming for my body to move but I could barely move a hand. It was all numb, blue-black as my head tipped up to see.

“ Okay, I will go after.” Another said and I felt the bile rise again.

Hands gripped my shoulders, pressing me down and over my dead body would they shame me in such a way.

My body sprung out, my feet kicking, hands moving about and screaming insults they never even thought they would ever hear.

I screamed so loud, cursing them and their pathetic lives.

“ I will mess you up you incompetent idiot, keep your filthy hands off me or I will cut them all off.

I fought as much as I could, seeing that I was not winning. They laughed, staring at each other, more joining, wanting a piece.

More hands grabbed me and I screamed bloody murder but what would that help.

I had no chance, no chance of escape as I cried out inside, breaking apart with my soul chirping away.

My eyes closed, willing my wolf up. She was my last option. She was hurt , tired and near death  but she could not leave me like that. Please, not this, not this.

I fought hard, fighting and screaming for my wolf just to get up. Just one last time, just this one time please.

I shook, feeling it coming as the man spread my legs and hoped I was fast enough.

One second I was lying there with my worst night mare coming to play and the next my wolf lay there, groaning and snapping teeth.

The hands gripping me let go. I heard the shouts of anger before they hit me over and over again.

My wolf tried getting on her feet but she was too weak, my legs shaking and shaping back down.

“ Shift you Dog!” They screamed, their anger felt as they hit my wolf over and over again.

The pain, blood dripping.

The anger hit the roof, taking whatever they could; stones thrown at me, large stone, telling me to shift or they would kill me but I would rather die.

No matter the hits my wolf took, she still groaned, we snapping our teeth over and over, fighting.

A part of me was fighting for them to kill us, a part of me kept biting their hands just so they could snap and kill us. We were hit until my wolf lay down, heaving and breathing as if breathing through a wound. I begged her, begged her to not let go, to hold on. She wanted to shift back, my body starting the shifting process only for me to close my eyes and fight so hard for it to stop.

“ We can’t kill her and we have taken long enough, the commander will kill us, we need to go.” One said.

“ No, let’s kill her, tell them she died.” Another pitched in.

“ We have already sent word that we found her alive.”

Silence spread as my eyes opened to close. I was not sure which I preferred, being killed like an animal out in the wild or being dragged into more hell. My head moved but not even having the strength to keep it up as it lay on the cold grass, letting everything fall on the hands of these monsters with unconsciousness taking me again.