Chapter 2

CARL

I found myself in a spot where I could see her when she passed by. This was her usual path, the one she took every day on her way to the coffee shop where she worked part-time.

It had been weeks since we’d last spoken. She was good at avoiding me, but not this time.

And then I saw her, walking with purpose down the familiar street, taming her dark brown hair into a bun. A small smile stretched my lips. She didn’t like how thick her hair was and always complained about how time-consuming to dry it, but for me, she was a beauty.

I called out her name. She turned, her eyes widening in surprise, and for a moment, I feared that she would turn and walk away.

But then her expression softened, a hesitant smile playing at the corners of her lips as she stepped closer. “Carl, hi,” she swallowed lightly, her hand moving to tuck a strand of hair that escaped behind her ear, a clear sign that she was nervous. Since that day we confessed to her, she easily blushed.

“Can I talk to you for a bit?”

She fidgeted under my gaze. “Carl, sorry, but I’m going to be late. I have to clock in in ten minutes, and if I’m late again, I’ll get in trouble.”

“Just a few minutes,”

She shifted uncomfortably, her soft hazel eyes darting nervously. “I really can’t—”

“—I’m leaving.” She stopped. That somehow got her attention. “My father needs my help on the farm, so I’ll be away for the whole three months.”

“Oh,” her hazel eyes blinked faster before casting them down to the ground.

“Yeah,” I replied, trying to keep my tone casual. “I’m telling you this so you won’t have to trouble yourself hiding from me, from us. Caleb will probably be around somewhere. He said he wouldn’t bother you anymore.” I added, a faint edge of bitterness creeping into my words.

Her lips pursed into a thin line, her expression so sad I wanted to reach and hug her, but I couldn’t. She’d run away again. “I’m not hiding. I wasn’t avoiding you or Caleb—”

“—You are, and it’s our fault.”

“Carl,”

“I understand that you don’t feel the same way, Sasha, but I’m still your friend. Caleb will be there if you need his help. I’ll be there when you need me. I hope you give us a chance to keep our friendship.”

With that, I turned around and started to walk away. “Maybe this time without us, you’ll have more time to consider it,” I said over my shoulder, my tone resigned.

I didn’t turn around to see her reaction. Somehow, I knew that the ball was in her court now, and all I could do was hope that she would find her way back to us in her own time.

SASHA

Minutes slipped away unnoticed. I only realized that my shift at the coffee shop had already finished when I saw the clock. Despite the hustle and bustle around me, my thoughts were consumed by them.

And, even as I gathered my things and made my way out of the coffee shop, my mind was elsewhere, thinking about them despite my effort to shake them off my mind.

It was clear that our friendship was on shaky ground, and I couldn’t help but wonder if there was any way to repair the damage that had been done.

Could we really be friends again?

The question was like a stubborn echo in my mind. It refused to be ignored.

As I made my way back to my apartment, I felt exhausted and sad at the same time. I should be glad, shouldn’t I? After all, I no longer had to look over my shoulder or hide away like a criminal, avoiding their eyes at all costs.

But instead of relief, all I felt was a deep sense of emptiness. It wasn’t just the awkwardness or the discomfort that bothered me, but the fear that things might never be the same again.

Entering my apartment made me feel more dejected. We had memories here. We had shared so many moments here, laughing and joking as friends, our Friday nights were splendid.

But when I closed my eyes, our intimate memories flashed back, Caleb kissing my neck and Carl kissing my lips. I was so shocked I couldn’t even move. It was one intimate Friday. I blamed it on the alcohol, but they said they liked me, and I was even more shocked. Cassie was right. Since then, I was so confused that I started to avoid them.

However, I did try. We tried. But it was more confusing. I couldn’t understand the whole thing. It was such a taboo. They were fine with it, and I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. Caleb seemed to change as well. I believe we all changed.

So, I gave myself time to process who I should be with, but choosing one would hurt the other, and I couldn’t do that. So, I rejected both and chose to stay friends. But even so, it was just so awkward.

As I sank onto the couch, feeling its softness on my back. The ceiling was so boring. I wished it changed its color. Yeah, I had to think about the ceiling otherwise, their faces would start to invade my mind. Ugh! Stop it! My heart felt so weird when I started to think about them. Something was happening inside me, and I didn’t like it.

Defeated, I sighed. Okay. Let it be. For once, I would allow myself to think about them. I would allow my heart to feel these strange feelings.

Carl... Caleb...

Carl was tall and lean, with dark, tousled hair. His tan skin proved his love for sports and his job at their family farm. His eyes were so dark, but they held softness and sweetness. He was only 21 years old just like Caleb, and it always amazed me that a man as big as him could be so gentle. He had a way with words, a charm that could disarm even the most guarded of souls, and his quick wit and infectious laughter could change my mood so fast.

However, Caleb, in contrast to Carl’s easy charm, was more rugged and stern. He had lighter skin. I believed he was two inches taller than Carl. His features were indeed as hard as Carl’s. There was a rawness to him. Sometimes, he was rough with his words towards others, but not to me or Cassie. There was something in him that I couldn’t understand though. It was mysterious, but when I tried to ask him, he’d just dismiss it like it was unimportant.

They both enjoyed rugby together. Both men looked dazzling and dangerously handsome. And that was a red flag for me. Women would be swarming around them like bees to honey, and I wouldn’t be able to compete. But as friends, I didn’t mind. We were just friends. They were kind, funny, and genuinely good people to be around. We were already friends before Cassie joined the group. And with Cassie, I felt more at ease hanging out with them.

I had to be honest though that I couldn’t deny the attraction I felt towards both of them. Each had their unique charm that drew me in, and I found myself torn between them, unable to choose.

And yet, despite the mess we found ourselves in, a part of me couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, there was a way to save our friendship. If I couldn’t have them, I still wanted to see them as friends.

Ugh! I am so confused.

In the morning, when I was about to go out for a morning run, I found Carl’s hand hovering in mid-air as if he was about to knock on my door, while Caleb was slightly more relaxed.

But me? I almost choked on my saliva. What did they mean by staying away from me then?

“I brought food,” Carl said, smiling.

I swallowed hard, feeling a knot form in my stomach. This was it—the conversation I had been dreading yet secretly longing for. Of course, we would talk. That food was just an alibi. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“Will be our last breakfast together,” Caleb said, his face stern.

Last breakfast...

Didn’t that sound too serious?

Taking a deep breath, I stepped aside, silently inviting them into my apartment.

They entered cautiously, their eyes scanning the space. Once inside, they exchanged a quick glance, seemingly communicating silently before turning their attention back to me.

“I’ll make some coffee,” Caleb announced, moving towards the kitchen without waiting for my response.

Yeah. Feel at home, my jogging forgotten.

I was silent as I watched them prepare the food they brought and start to brew the coffee. The room’s air was thick with unspoken words, tension buzzing as we tried to deal with the awkwardness hanging over us like a dense fog. Or perhaps it was only me who was feeling like this.

They looked calm like there was nothing to be awkward about. I wanted to speak, to break the suffocating silence that enveloped me, but the words seemed to escape me.

Caleb emerged from the kitchen, a tray laden with steaming mugs of coffee balanced precariously in his hands. He set it down on the table with a soft clatter. “You know you can sit, right? This is your place, Sasha. You look more like our guest standing by the door.”

I couldn’t really tell if he was teasing this time, except that his head was cocked to the side. Taking his suggestion, I made my way to the table and took a seat, feeling a bit timid. “Thanks,” I replied. “I was just about to head out for a jog when you both showed up.”

Carl took the seat opposite me. Caleb sat next to him. “I know.”

They knew? I have just been jogging for a week now.

Carl flicked his hand. “Let’s eat before this gets colder than a dog’s muzzle.”

“Thanks,” I muttered and took a bite. Hmmm. Tasted great. Since when did I have a proper meal? I couldn’t remember. If it wasn’t fast food, bread was enough, and a yogurt. The pancake was still warm. I always loved the smell of coffee. It woke my senses alive, and before I even knew it, I was enjoying the food so much that I forgot my discomfort around them.

“When was the last time you’ve eaten?” Carl’s gruff voice made me look at him.

Two pairs of eyes bored into me with a scrutiny that made my skin slightly crawl. I felt exposed and vulnerable under their penetrating gaze, as if they could see straight through the facade I had shielded myself from their scrutiny.

“You’ve lost weight,” Caleb’s eyes narrowed.

With a sigh, I sipped from my coffee and leaned against the chair. “I’ve been eating fine.” I rolled my eyes with another sigh. “And I’m happy with the weight I lost. As if I’m dying.” I saw how their jaws clenched. It displeased them when I used that tone, so I smiled widely and put my coffee down dismissively. “Alright, people. Stop glaring at me.”

Carl sighed, his expression serious. “We’re here to talk. Let’s end this hiding once and for all. We can’t keep dancing around the issue forever.”

Caleb reached for his coffee, taking a sip before looking at me, his amber eyes not giving away any emotions. “Where do we start?”

Clearing my throat, I squared my shoulders. This was it. We were having this talk. “I guess we should start by addressing what happened,” I replied, my voice steady despite the nervous fluttering in my chest.

“Yeah, about that...” Carl began, trailing off as he searched for the right words.

“It was a mistake,” I interjected, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. “All of it—the kisses, the relationship, the confusion—it was all a mistake.”

They looked quite taken aback. But Carl was first to recover. “We know,” he said, his voice gentle yet firm. “And we’re sorry for making things awkward.”

Caleb looked at his mug, his lips tight, and when he looked at me, I felt something strange in my heart. “It shouldn’t have happened in the first place, Sasha. I’m sorry. You’re right. It was all a mistake.” He smiled, and that smile didn’t reach his eyes. “But we’re still friends, right?”

I nodded, confused at my own emotions. “It’s okay. Yeah, we’re still friends.” I replied, the words feeling foreign on my tongue.

“I’ll be out of the country next week,” Caleb said.

“I’ll leave in two days,” Carl stated. “You can call us if you need something. Don’t hesitate.”

“Why do I feel like both of you are the ones hiding from me?” I asked them, my eyes tearing up. I’d miss them.