I stare into the tree-lined edge of our property as I balance on the swing I have perched my ass on. I’m not swaying but focused on the sunny parts in the distance even though I am in the concealed shade to get some thinking time. It’s been here as long as I can remember and used to be the spot Dane and I would come to when we had something to say to one another. Secluded and pretty, with no direct view from our house. Not that it’s why I am here today. I just needed head space and have no idea where he is. My mood is weird, and coming home from the few days I spent with Elisa to do schoolwork before we go back on Monday didn’t help me focus.I sigh and rest my temple against the cold chain to my left, tucking one leg under me and leaving the other to dangle while I pick at the cuff of my sweater. Lost in a nothing trance of not thinking but feeling deflated and depressed with a foggy mind. I had a lot of time the last few days to mull my entire life over, and I am so done with this
“Because I couldn’t.” Dane's words are breathy, and he pushes off the bar and paces forward, so his back faces me. He stops a little away at the opposite leg and sags. “When my mom told me we were going to the UK, I thought this was it…. I could end this, whatever this is, and we could forget each other. Put the mess of our parents, all that shit, and my feelings for you aside. A lot of space and time between us, and it would fade away. We could move on, and I would have an excuse not to come back anymore.”I pause, staring at his tall, muscular form, watching him tense up, and listen intently to the hoarseness developing in his words with every sentence. Killing me with his presence and the topic of this conversation as though we’re merely chatting about the weather. And not our hearts.“But she made you stay….” thus further ruining his life. Making him push harder and colder so I would stop bothering him. Progressively getting wilder and dating more girls as he went. I wonder if tha
“I’m tired.” I sigh and slump down into my seat in English class. Our first lesson on the first day back from break, but my usual energy for school is absent. It feels like I haven’t slept in days. I don’t want to be here for once, and I have a growing dread and subtle anxiety about seeing Jordan and his friends again. It's been quiet for a few days, but I know it will be awkward when he arrives.“You spent the last two days of the break at the animal shelter working like a slave and then still staying up to cram in extra study time. You need to take more downtime, Koala. It’s not good for you to occupy your waking hours with constant work.” Elisa pats me on the shoulder before sliding out her books and pencil case, and I stretch my arms up over my head, yawning and trying to loosen my stiff body. Closing my eyes to savor the exquisite sensation of relaxing all my muscles.“You sound like my mom…. I know, okay. It’s hard to relax when downtime gives you too much thinking space.” I kno
“Coming. Practicing his apology speech in the bathroom mirror for the fiftieth time.” Dane smirks when I glance back his way, and he subtly nods at the back of Elisa’s skull.“Ahh.” I haven’t said a word to her since I talked to Tyler because I want it to come from him before I figure out how to console her. Not screw up whatever it is he ends up saying by telling her too much. I turn back and go back to flicking through the papers.“You two look cozy.” Charmaine's bitchy tone in front of me makes me bristle all over and lift my chin in time to see her slamming by. Obvious hostile bad mood as she glares at Dane in passing and then throws her hair extensions over her shoulder before hobbling to a seat further back. All seduction and kissing up to him are gone now she’s on his dumped list.I flicker another glance back at him, but he’s looking down at the notes I handed him and seems oblivious to her. Disinterested in her attitude, and it gives me a weird sense of calm.I get a slight s
“I’ll see you in biology, don’t be late.” I remind Elisa as we part ways at the break bell. Walking out of our shared economics class and see Tyler hovering near the hallway as he waits for her. He seems nervous and is shifting from one foot to the other and throws me a half smile as we lock gazes. I frown, give him the ‘you better not fuck this up’ glare, and quickly remove it before Elisa turns to me.“What should I say to him?” Elisa flashes me a panicked, wide-eyed look. She is already second-guessing agreeing to see him, and I pat her head as though she’s the cutest puppy. She wouldn’t be her if she were not crippled by anxiety at every point in life.“Nothing. The whole point is he has something to say, and even if you stand and stare like a mute, that’s fine. Don’t cave to him. Listen, nod, and leave… let him suffer. He was the one acting like a moron, not you.” I urge her onwards with a little push to her butt and watch her cautiously walk towards him at a snail's pace. She ke
“How many high school girls grow up still in love with their boyfriend from age seventeen? The statistics speak for themself. So if we’re not doing this because of some noble idea that you can’t give me a future, then stop. We might not even last a month. We’ve never done this before. There’s no guarantee we would ever last, so thinking of the future is stupid.”I know how lame it sounds, but I can’t think of how else to convince him to give me a chance.Do I really believe we have no future? I don’t even know, but I don’t care. I understand why Romeo and Juliet threw caution to the wind to steal the moments they had before it all came crashing down. This longing for him won’t subside until I have him in the way my heart is screaming for. I want the now and screw what will happen later.“What are you doing?” Dane leans in with accusation, eyes narrowed and irritation evident. There is a static buzz about him that a storm is brewing, yet he doesn’t intimidate me. A hint of the more ag
“I’m going to bed, mom. Goodnight.” I pick up my glass of milk and the copy of Romeo and Juliet I am reading and head for our lounge door. It’s late evening, and we just sat through hours of my mom’s favorite series in a binge session. She had a rare afternoon off when I came home from school, and wanted to do something together.“Is there still no response from him?” My mom is fluffing the couch cushions before heading to bed. It was just the two of us tonight, as Brian had a work dinner, and Dane never came home.“No. His cell is ringing out, and he isn’t replying to my texts.”Dane is doing what Dane does. After our talk, he dodged me all afternoon at school and blanked me at leaving time. Acting like a cold, ignorant jerk when we crossed paths in class. He went off with Tyler and hasn’t been seen since. Reverting to behaviors of before, and I don’t know why I'm letting it upset me. I should never let him get to me when he starts acting like a prize asshole.My mum checks her watc
“What’s it to you? … I was out. Busy.” He shrugs, leaning back on the rail behind him casually, and sits a little, looking exactly like Dane of the last ten years. His ‘I do not care persona’ is back intact. The air thickens around us with tension, and it only further dents my courage.“Where did you go? Tyler said you left an hour ago?” I stammer it out, hating myself for mentioning it because I don’t think I genuinely want an answer to that.“Where do you think I was?” He sneers, pushing me away, freezing me out like so many times before, and I lose all bravado completely. I tell myself to turn around and walk away, but my feet are glued to the spot, and I can’t tear myself away. I can sense that staying here will be awful, that he’s in a fighting frame of mind.“I don’t know if you don’t tell me.” My voice gets quieter with every word, and my legs tremble because my sixth sense tells me he aims to hurt me. I can feel it in him. Reverting to the Dane who uses my emotions against me