Chapter 7: When the Past Haunted

We spent a few hours later talking, making love again, speaking, and making love many times. I showed him his favorite position, but it didn’t ring a bell. Besides the glimpse of vision he had, Constantine still didn’t remember me. It hurt me significantly, but I guessed it was not what Constantine could choose. 

I told him many things about our past, including about Helena. I still remember our last day, the same day I got bleeding. Helena cured me with her magic, but when I thought about it now, I was sure my baby was gone forever. I couldn’t feel anything in the past, but it hit me hard now. Then, without being able to stop myself, I wept. 

“Victoria, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” His eyes showed he was worried about me. 

I shook my head, trying to stop crying, but I couldn’t stop myself. It hurt me so much since I loved children. It was my longing to give birth to Constantine’s children. Losing them in the past was unbearable. Yet, it was weird that I needed a second life to realize it, to mourn my unborn baby. 

“Victoria? Please, don’t scare me. Tell me, what’s wrong?” Constantine pulled me into his embrace and kissed my forehead, nose, lips, and cheeks, but his sweet gestures made me want to cry more. 

“I … I lost our baby. Though Helena cured me of bleeding, I think I lost our baby. I’m sorry, Constantine. It was the last day of my life, and I lost our baby on the same day.”

Suddenly Constantine grabbed his head. He screamed while clenching my waist. His grip hurt me. It might leave bruises tomorrow, but I said nothing. 

“Stop it! Stop it!” He shook his head. Then, after screaming a few times, he was quiet. 

“Constantine?”

He said nothing at first. Then, he raised his head to gaze at me after a while. His eyes were full of terror. “I saw my death. We died on the same day. I held you in my arms. You died first, then I followed. Who killed us?”

I shook my head. “It has been a century. It’s not Ethan’s nor Helena’s fault.”

“Ethan? Helena?”

“Let me tell you who they were.” 

So, I told Constantine about Ethan, his half-brother, whom he hated. However, Ethan had done nothing that deserved to be hated by Constantine. Then, I also told him about Helena. She was Ethan’s mate, whom Constantine wanted because she was the daughter of a powerful witch. Helena herself later found her power as a witch. I carefully told Constantine that he had tried to rape Helena before. 

He shook his head. “I’m a bad guy, but I have never thought I would stoop so low by trying to rape a woman.”

“It’s your past. You’re not the same man anymore.” I kissed his chin. “A century may change you into a better man.”

“I doubt it. I could marry Lisa though I don’t love her.”

I hesitated to ask, but I was curious. After thinking about it, finally, I asked, “Will you marry me?”

“Though I haven’t remembered most parts, I think you are my mate after hearing about our past. But I can’t marry you.”

Don’t ask if you don’t want to hear the answer. Yes, I wondered if Constantine might still need to marry Lisa. But with all the visions he had, also from what I told him, wouldn’t it change anything? Maybe I wished too much. I bit my lower lip as I couldn’t imagine that I could see Constantine marry someone else. 

The touch of his hand on my face stopped my wandering mind, but it couldn’t erase the ache in my heart. He might see it as he caressed my cheeks tenderly. 

“What did you think? You look so sad.”

“We have already had a second life. But is happily ever after only a myth? I only have a simple wish: to live a happy life with you. Now, after a century passed, to think that I may spend it alone without you is unbearable.” 

I hid my head on his chest since I didn’t want him to pity me. Yet, he kissed my head and then my hair.

Later, he whispered, “You won’t be alone as you are mine.”

“Have you remembered anything else of your past?”

Constantine shook his head. “No, but I will discover it slowly. But, meanwhile, I won’t let you go. I want you to be my mistress so I can protect you.”

I let out a disappointed sigh. Being a mistress was the only option I got in the past. It was not because I went after his wealth, yet because I loved him. Should I have the same life as before in my second life? Should I accept the status that I hated? 

“Can I choose not to be your mistress?”

He raised my chin so that I couldn’t hide anymore. His black eyes searched for my eyes. “Don’t you want me anymore?”

I truly wanted to weep again. Why did Constantine ask a silly question? If I said something, I might burst into tears again. So, I was silent. 

“Victoria?”

“If I don’t want you anymore, do you think I will stop your marking ceremony?” Then I touched his face. My eyes started to blur because of tears. “Do you think I would let you touch me? To have me again?” My voice was broken. “I became your mistress because it was my only way to be with you. Now, should I be your mistress again?”

My burst of tears may startle him as he hugged me immediately. “I’m sorry. I only said that since it was the easiest thing to say. As my mistress, we can stay together, no matter what happens. I can protect you, as you are mine.”

But he could choose to make me his mate, not his mistress. So, why couldn’t he choose me as his mate? Even after a century passed, even after being given a second chance, the second life, did I not deserve him?