ONE LAST TIME

Elaris’s POV

I stood up from the cot and the child shifted beneath my hands.

The soft movement reminded me to steady myself before turning to meet Averic’s gaze.

The council observer remained just beside the waiting doorway.

He said nothing because there was no need to.

He was there because this conversation was officially occurring behind closed doors.

Averic had crossed the threshold of the room, but stopped short of coming closer.

There was the space between us for another person to stand comfortably.

I noted the distance without thinking.

He would have crossed it before, if he chose to.

And now he has stopped, perhaps for the first time in his life.

I met his eyes.

“You wanted to hear me.”

He kept his expression carefully guarded.

“I did.”

“Then ask.”

Averic studied me for several seconds.

The tired lines around his mouth made me feel almost sorry for him.

Almost.

I was tired too.

I was so very tired of justifying myself to people who already knew what they wanted me to be.

I would not waste this last confrontation pretending to have control over someone else’s perceptions.

I answered the unspoken question.

“I did not kill Maevra.”

The words came out steady.

“I did not touch her final dose.”

Averic said nothing.

“I was already under council guard at the shrine when she collapsed. There were witnesses. You are aware of this.”

I forced my voice to remain even.

“All the things you heard in the hall are true.”

A breath left my lungs.

“I never tampered with her medicine. I never gave the orders. I never asked anyone to harm her.”

The accusation lingered in Averic’s eyes.

I knew what he wanted me to say.

I knew what he wanted me to do for him.

Give him an explanation that the events leading up to Maevra’s death were not so closely linked to me.

Tell him that what happened in those last few days was not as easily defined as murder and treason.

But the truth is what it is, no matter how inconvenient.

“I loved your mother,” I said, barely above a whisper.

This, finally, stirred something in Averic’s expression.

“I would never have harmed her.”

He turned his head slightly, then let his gaze return to my eyes.

I waited as long as I could bear to.

Averic did not interrupt me.

It should have been a comfort that he did not.

Instead it felt like another knife in my ribs, knowing what the observation meant.

I could hear the council observer’s breathing just outside the room.

Somewhere, a bell tolled.

Averic stared at the stone floor.

When he finally looked up at me, he had the wounded expression of a man whose grief had changed something fundamental inside him.

I remembered the arguments at the palace gates, the long conversations in the hallways, the nights spent on narrow beds.

I remembered the look in Caedmon’s eyes when he first told me that my wolf would no longer sustain me.

I remembered the man who stood by my bed as his soldiers held me down and drew blood from my body.

He had once been so sure of how he wanted me to understand the pain.

Now he seemed to have forgotten that every word had to be filtered through the image of his mother’s final moments.

When he finally spoke, Averic’s voice was rough with emotion.

“I want to believe you.”

The words were a comfort.

No, they should have been.

But they did not come with any promise of affection or absolution.

Only the knowledge that no matter what I said or did, he still wanted this to be some kind of ending that required nothing more from either of us.

I lowered my eyelids for a fraction of a second.

Wanting to believe was not the same thing as believing.

I had learned that a long time ago.

“Why did she ask for you?”

His question was quieter this time.

I turned my head to regard him.

“Because she trusted me.”

“That isn’t enough.”

“I know.”

“Then tell me what she said.”

I hesitated.

Not because I was afraid of the answer.

Because Maevra’s trust in me was never meant to be a weapon.

“She affirmed the child.”

Averic’s gaze went to my stomach.

“She told you the child was mine?”

“Yes.”

“And what else?”

I hesitated again before answering.

“She gave me a private charge.”

“What charge?”

Averic’s mouth tightened.

“To protect the child.”

“To protect it from what?”

“From anything that threatened it.”

He studied me closely.

I did not elaborate, though part of me wanted to share what Maevra’s final instruction had really meant.

That protecting the child might require very difficult choices and sacrifices in the name of truth.

That guarding my life in any way was no longer an acceptable reason to demand his forgiveness.

Maevra’s trust in me was not a burden to be used against another.

Averic turned away from me.

For a moment, he did not speak or move at all.

Then he said, “The council’s findings place the prior tampering and the final dose in a continuum.”

I remained standing in one place as he spoke, though it took a conscious effort to keep my posture from shifting.

“The attacks took place while you were responsible for her care.”

“I was responsible for keeping her alive.”

“I understand.”

His reply was instant.

It might have surprised me, except for the way he followed with, “But you were there.”

“Neryss, too.”

His body stiffened.

“Yes.”

“The attendant is familiar with the prior incidents.”

His mouth set into a firm line.

“I know.”

“You understand why the council would hold you responsible for her death.”

Again, he responded without hesitation.

“Yes.

“I know.

“Then why are you standing here, as though it is I alone who must prove my innocence?”

Averic turned his head so he could look directly at me.

“Because my mother is dead.”

I opened my mouth to reply.

But there was no defense to be had.

Averic let his statement hang where it was for a moment, then continued.

“I can list the inconsistencies for you. I can make a case based on circumstantial evidence and conveniently placed witnesses. I can keep telling myself that the information is incomplete and that every thread leads to the real perpetrator.”

His voice grew hoarse.

“But every time I close my eyes, I see her.”

I said nothing.

“I cannot ignore what is right in front of my nose.”

Averic was hurting.

That much was evident.

The realization did little to inspire my sympathy.

I have spent enough of my life learning new ways to convince myself that what is happening is fair.

That everyone gets exactly what they deserve.

That even when tragedy strikes, it is usually the fault of the one who suffers the most.

Still, I had believed that if anyone understood suffering and loss, it was Averic.

I had hoped that the man who could see into the deepest parts of my soul would recognize what had happened when Caedmon’s men took me to the stone room beneath the palace.

I wanted him to understand what it meant to be humiliated over and over again in ways that left visible marks on skin, but also in ways that no one could see.

I wanted him to know that I did not feel guilt over the death of my unborn child.

Not because I had not grieved or mourned, but because there were so many other deaths and so much pain that would never have happened if the council had not chosen Caedmon to be emperor instead of me from the very beginning.

In every argument I made to myself when Averic told me I might continue living with his household if I agreed to undergo testing, I told myself that Caedmon wanted my body to implicate me for treason and then to produce an heir for him.

No longer.

Averic was no longer looking at me as if I were the woman who showed up at his door covered in blood to deliver his own child to the council or the wolf who walked into his territory without being summoned and claimed her life belonged to him.

He was looking at me as if I was the reason for his mother’s death, period.

I did not reach out for him to comfort me.

I did not attempt to soothe the raw pain in his voice.

I have been tossed out of a home for a child I lost by asking too many questions and expecting an answer.

I would not debase myself further by pleading for the mercy of the man whose life had been changed so drastically that he had forgotten his own name.

I placed my hand over my stomach.

The child reacted instinctively, pressing itself tighter against my palm.

It was a strange sensation.

As close to happiness as a pregnant woman could feel, I supposed.

I had one life nestled safely within me that depended on me.

I would not destroy myself trying to win the approval of a man who was too busy grieving to realize that I had survived the loss of three people so important to him.

“Do you believe I killed her?”

Averic’s mouth twisted into a grim smile.

The council observer straightened slightly as though bracing himself for the answer.

“Do you believe I killed your mother?”

“I believe the findings.”

His voice betrayed him by being barely above a whisper.

“I believe my mother is dead.

And I can no longer allow you to stay under my roof while the council investigates your activities.”

I absorbed each carefully worded sentence.

There really was nothing he said which could be twisted into an accusation.

There was nothing which stated clearly that I was guilty of taking Maevra’s life.

Averic simply did not want me in his home.

And so he removed me, gently but firmly, as if I really was a burden he wished to be entirely rid of.

“So you don’t believe me.”Do you still believe I killed your mother?”

“Elaris…”

I shook my head.

“No.

Do you believe it?”

He closed his eyes briefly and when he opened them, it was as if everything between us was incredibly fragile and he did not want to break it by speaking the condemning words.

“I believe the findings.

I believe my mother is dead.

And I can no longer keep you in my home while the council finishes investigating you.”

The words did not change the facts.

But Averic did not hold me accountable for taking someone else’s life any more directly than he had to.

That was a subtle relief, though it should not have been.

Averic turned from me to speak with the council observer.

“My charges will be recorded and distributed.”

The man looked slightly taken aback, but he stood and began preparing his recording device.

Effective immediately, Elaris Veyne will be required to vacate the palace and surrounding premises.

She has been granted leave until nightfall to complete her packing.

Elaris, he said, will be escorted to the boundary when she is ready to depart.

The silence stretched between us for a long moment.

The look in Averic’s eyes reminded me painfully of another man.

Caedmon came to mind, actually.

“I understand,” I said.

Perhaps it was better this way.

If the council did not keep me under constant surveillance, I would be free to travel where I wished after leaving the palace grounds.

I would be free to find someone who could help me care for my child without demanding that I undergo any painful procedures.

Actually, no.

I would still have to take whatever pain the child brought me unless I wanted to kill myself and the baby within the first week.

I turned away from Averic toward the small barred opening in the far end of the room.

The morning light streamed through the narrow rectangle in thin slices of pale gold.

I had no illusions that I would survive in this country without the protection of the man who had promised to keep me safe.

He wanted me gone.

I had no doubt about this.

If I had believed there was a single reason left for me to stay in the palace, I would have stayed.

But there was nothing left for me in this house.

Nothing for me in this city or this pack or this empire.

My hand came to rest over my stomach.

The child shifted beneath my palm, curious about my emotions.

I felt myself pulling away from the panic rising in my chest and thought, Not yet.

Averic had given me an ultimatum and I intended to respond to it in due time.

“Good.”

I looked up at him.

“If I am leaving, I am leaving with my dignity.”

Averic said, I am not formally charging you with my mother’s murder.

The council observer turned and started walking toward the door.

No, I said, looking up at Averic.

Not yet.

“But I am being expelled.”Yes” he said before the council observer. “Before the council completes its investigation”

Yes, I said

Then this isn’t a condemnation.

His brow furrowed. “It is my judgement regarding your presence in this household.”

There was no subtlety in his accusation, only the blunt reality of his words and my own knowledge that he was separating us because he wanted me to go.

A part of me was grateful that he no longer saw me as something that could belong in his life.

But another part of me mourned that part of me which believed him capable of true forgiveness.

“I understand,” I said softly.

Averic turned away from me.

For the first time since I was brought into this chamber, I allowed myself to think about the things in my possession that I would need to take with me.

Clothing.

Documents.

Personal items Maevra had purchased for me.

Whatever belongings I would need to care for my child.

Nothing of Averic’s.

Nothing that would remind me that I had once been willing to do anything for the man currently dismissing me from his life.

Averic turned to the doorway.

I watched him leave.

And, for no particular reason, I was preparing myself for disappointment when he did not turn around.

Not even when his voice reached me from across the room.

Neryss Vale will be able to assist you in gathering your possessions.

I closed my eyes.

Neryss

he said

Vale will have access to you until nightfall.

A small escort will accompany you to the boundary

The words grew more distant with each syllable.

The other thing,

he added

is that you are no longer under my protection.

The door shut with a sigh.

The lock clicked.

I stood alone in the centre of the stone room.

One hand rested over my stomach, the other hanging loosely at my side.

The child moved beneath my fingers.

Alive.

Harmless.

Waiting.

I looked up at the barred opening and then at the closed door.

There had been times where I thought I would never survive the loss of a child.

There had been other times where I thought I would never escape slavery or find a place where I truly belonged.

There had been other reasons why I had to keep living through the endless cycle of betrayals and failures.

This was not one of those times.

I was pregnant with the child of a man who had just sent me away.

I did not have the luxury of being as sentimental as I wanted to be about the circumstances of my departure from his home.

The woman standing in the middle of the stone chamber had no illusions that I would survive this experience unscathed.

I had allowed the words of a council representative to convince me to accept Caedmon’s hospitality.

I had let another council member’s words convince me that the death of a child in Averic’s care was not an excuse to condemn me with no regard for the evidence.

I would never again be deceived or controlled by the opinions of those who only wanted me dead.

If Averic would not protect me, I would have to protect us both somehow.

My fingers curled around the metal ring at my throat and I pulled down, tearing the delicate fabric and revealing the skin beneath.

I pressed my thumb to the angry red line there and closed my eyes.

Nothing mattered as much as the child growing inside of me.

Not the man who had just ordered me out of his home.

Not my reputation.

Not the council and their rules.

If Averic would not protect me, I would make certain he learned the dangers of keeping strangers in his home.