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37TH HEARTBEAT
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 38TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSWhen I finally walked out of school, I was more than surprised to see a very familiar car stop by right in front of me. The windows subsequently rolled down and there was this hot boy looking like a Herculean god with his biceps unwittingly flexed. It was Zacheus Riley and he was wearing his pearly white matinee idol smile. A lot of girls chiefly admire this handsome guy, including me obviously but I just don’t understand what’s going on.“Hi.” Zach greeted waving his hand.“Zach?”“Hop in, Jordi. I’m going to give you a ride home.” Zach intoned vocally. He’s clearly not asking me about it, he’s clearly giving me an order that I may not be able to refuse.In my head, I’m sure I didn’t want to add anything more to what I’m currently going through. However, there’s a huge part of me that wants to be distracted and this was a perfect distraction.“Just so you know, I’m not going to just hop inside a stranger’s car.” I leaned over and thought of playing. “My grandma always sa
The Badboy's Heartbeat 39TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIt’s been over a week ever since the last time I encountered Xavier Rockwell and that’s basically a record for me and him, I guess. So far, I’ve been having a great week and my life’s not been intentionally bothered by anyone. Xavier has not tried to push me in one corner or confront me Xavier style or shove me into the janitor’s closet. He never even attempted to show up at my house unannounced. We are both basically together in a lot of classes and so far, he’s pretty much back to his old habits. If he’s not sketching something at the back of his notebook, he’s always taking a careless nap and at some points, I could see him stealing glances over me but every single time that happens, I basically act as if I never caught him.I don’t want to admit it to myself but a small part within me still feels like it wants Xavier to be up in my ass. Not in a literal way but I’m still hoping he’d try to approach me even though the biggest part of me wants nothing to do with him. Wh
The Badboy's Heartbeat 40TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have never been so overwhelmed with guilt in my life ever since Jordi arrived crashing right in front of the doorstep of my heart. Even when I just robbed a store for some food a few days ago, I’m still not guilty about that. I’m rather thinking about what could I do in order to bring Jordi back in my life. Losing the person who showed enough attention towards me felt like I’ve lost a huge part of me.I’m not going to lie; I’ve been missing Jordi and it’s making me feel less than a person. The thought of him hating me for life was just killing me from the inside out. I just want to hold him by the arms and kiss his tender lips and hug him as tight as I could. I just want to see his face and tell him how much he meant to me. I have a lot of things that I wanted to say and do but I don’t know if I deserve it. I don’t know if I deserve Jordi.When I got to school, I was still visibly frightened of approaching the guy who deserved every single speech of apology from me.
The Badboy's Heartbeat 41ST HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI made my way to sex ed. in a visible daze. I haven’t had any good night sleep in over a week mostly because my mom had been very disrespectful to me. We sort of swapped places; she was the fucked up teenager who’s trying to figure out life while I became the grown person who’s been trying to understand her shitty actions. After taking home that young man named Jackson, my mom hooked up with two other men and it was as if she’s just using them to wash away her thirst. One of them was just about her age which was fine for me and the other one was basically an old man in his late fifty’s.“Thank you for joining us Mr. Rockwell.” Mrs. Harding said in a disparaging tone. The funny thing was, there’s a picture of an anus flashed right in front.I didn’t even realize when I first walked in that the class had already started. I hurried to my seat realizing that fact that my head’s not in a right place.“Now, as I was saying earlier, the anus or as some of the gays out there c
The Badboy's Heartbeat 42ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLMr. Huang entered the office tightly clutching his walking cane. There was an intense moment of silence as Principal Sanders and I awkwardly watched the old man slowly brought himself to the chair adjacent to me. The assistant would’ve helped him walk faster but he insisted that he could walk on his own. It took him almost a while and by the time he settled down, Principal Sanders cleared her to throat to reestablish the flow of conversation.“Hi, Mr. Huang, how are you doing?” Principal Sanders greeted, her tone seemed to have drastically changed from her usual professional vibrato.“I’m doing very well madam. T-this was the longest walk I’ve had since the last time I walked my deceased dog.” Mr. Huang spoke unhurriedly. You could clearly determine how time has aged him pretty well with the fine wrinkles in his skin and how his hair had turned from that jet black Asian hair to grey. I could also see a pair of reading glasses hanging on the pocket of his dirty white sh
The Badboy's Heartbeat 43RD HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSIn my dream, I was clad in an expensive looking suit embellished with thousands of shining and shimmering stones. I was standing right in the middle of the school gymnasium with a bright spotlight shining on me. There was some sort of music playing loud in the background but I couldn’t quite figure out what the song was because I could hear the loud beating in my chest. I felt like the hopeless romantic main character of a certain romantic film. And then there was a guy clad in a black suit standing five feet right in front of me. He was holding a single white rose in his hand. For some unknown reason, his face was a complete blur and as he slowly waltzed towards me, he put the rose in his mouth. He got on his knees and he reached out for me. Before I could even accept his request for a dance, the sound of another spotlight boomed and then there showed up another guy from a certain distance. He was wearing a full white suit and had a single red rose in his hand. Just like
The Badboy's Heartbeat 44TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSTime seemed to have stopped for both Xavier and I. As soon as he caught sight of me, he paused and just stared at me with such dramatic intensity like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen in a long time. I immediately noticed a patch right on his nose and I wondered what happened to him. It’s obvious that he got into a fight.I wanted to just get on my knees and rush towards him and give him the tightest hug that I could possibly muster. However, I have to put the urge aside because I’m still hurt by the fact that he can’t be with me, that he’s not ready to be part of my world and I don’t know if he’ll ever be ready. This is not me forcing him out but I just want him to be true to himself.I definitely know now that I missed Xavier so much but I just can’t stop myself from hating him. While there’s a lot of him to love and there are points to make in order to bestow him with forgiveness, I can’t deny the fact that there are also qualities to hate. The duality of my
The Badboy's Heartbeat 45TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLStaring idly at the ceiling, I can’t even begin to grasp the whole situation that I was unprecedentedly thrown in right now. The four walls of this tiny little apartment seemed like they’ve been watching all of these tragic event pan out leaving me in absolute shambles. I’m not even surprised if the last people who lived here had the same shit.Am I even allowed to live a happy life in this lifetime? It very clear as a crystal to me that I’m being shunned and treated like shit by the stars above. My dad just left us and now my mom just checked into rehab without even telling me like I’m nothing to her. I know it’s a good thing for her and her health and I’m sure Principal Sanders had a very good influence about it but I’m her son and I deserve to know what’s going on at least.There are a lot of things that’s running mad through my mind and I don’t where to freaking start about it. In this unsolicited turn of events, I’m very much exhausted mentally and also emotionall
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