XAVIER ROCKWELLNo one ever told me wanting that something could this be detrimental. Definitely, it was not easy to be in my current situation no matter how I try to look at the bright side. Even though I wasn’t fully ready to go with it, I truly wanted to get introduced to my dad’s family because I want to know who my half siblings are. However, I wasn’t given any sort of hints that my asshole of a dad would introduce me to an entire clan. I thought that’s the only thing that’s dreadful and appalling but it turned out it was just the tip of the iceberg.I’m not even going to deny my true feelings about it. That was the worst thanksgiving dinner that I had attended in my entire seventeen years of existence. It’s even far worse than having dinner with Hector and my mom.I thought I’m going to get something positive in this dinner but yeah, my dad wasn’t really thinking about me, my welfare and my feelings. Getting to know the members of his family was just an exhausting process. My da
XAVIER ROCKWELLMy heartbeat was rising almost steadily as I keep on staring at the message. I could feel my heart going berserk on my chest and it’s not even on a positive note. I’ve been playing this video that was sent to me by an unknown person and I’m slowly getting convinced that the person I was watching was Jordi. He said he was in drag last time and I’m definitely seeing him under this wig and this gorgeous head-turning make up. He looked absolutely snatched and painted for the gods and instead of feeling rather excited to see him in this full on regalia, I was more than disappointed to watch what happened. What I was watching was truly world shattering, heartbreaking, tear jerking and many more.Jordi just kissed Zach Riley. If it was just a simple kiss I would’ve probably be fine with it since I know Zach’s the hottest guy that I know and also, Jordi’s probably had a cup of alcohol or two. But when I started to notice it wasn’t just a kiss, I felt hurt. Jordi kissed Zach so
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe next morning was definitely the worst. Yes, I may have drowned all of the rotten thoughts and the anguishing emotions that I have been feeling last night on that unprecedented drinking spree. Yes, I may have forgotten about the predicament that my dad’s fucked up family announcement has given me. Yes, I may have drowned the agonizing feeling that I obtained from watching my boyfriend Jordi kiss another guy. But all of those are only just spent in a fleeting moment.I woke up on the doorway where I unconsciously fell asleep last night. I don’t know how the fuck did I not crawl my way towards the bed but I guess I may have cried myself to sleep. Just as expected, I have a banging hangover and I feel like I’ve been tortured by the FBI because my muscles felt sore. As soon as I opened my eyes, the brightness coming from the sun rising towards the horizon just slit through my eyes adding such intensity to my already existing headache. Whoever designed this condominium,
JORDI ADKINSThe bathroom floor became my ground for solace once again. I thought I have already moved past this era of my life but this day proved I haven’t and I don’t think I will. High school is without a doubt, an extra messy era in everyone’s life. On one end, it could be the happiest years of your life and could be filled with wild and ecstatic adventures. But for most people, it could be the shittiest rollercoaster of a lifetime. One day, you could be giggling and erupting with love bubbles of rainbows and butterflies and then when you wake up the next day, you are shedding tears and wishing the world was a better place. This day was just another one of those shitty days that I have to live through. I feel really cheated by the universe.The cold water trickling from the shower wasn’t enough to equalize whatever anguish I was feeling on the inside and surely, it wasn’t enough to alleviate it. And as I emerged from the shower forty-five minutes later, I was still panicking abou
JORDI ADKINSI feel miserable but as I locked my eyes on my target, I became even more determined to iron this rift. I created this mess myself and I don’t expect anyone to fix it for me because that’s not how life goes. Besides, I don’t want Michiko to have the last laugh. She may have outed me to my mother, I still had the last laugh with that. I’m going to make sure she’s not going to win with ruining my life.Xavier walked out of the school premises and as he continued to walk on foot, I imagined those times we used to meet in clandestine. Those were the times when loves flourishing that even when we are hiding from the world, we were still feeling the heat and passion and the giddy moments all at once. Sadly, for me, someone decided to take that away like they have the right to bring chaos into my life. I know I’m part of that reason but I could easily have avoided this mess if it’s only on me.Xavier eventually got to the stop and took the bus going home. I had enough pinch of b
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have been under absolute distraught all freaking day. One part of me is feeling rather guilty that I ignored Jordi yesterday even though he appeared desperate and was covered in sauce. But then the other part of me, the part that’s heartless seemed to have won the battle and ended up choosing to ignore Jordi. I don’t know why that part of me won maybe because I don’t want to feel sorry for myself.When I got home from that day, I was unpleasantly surprised to have received more text message from that very same anonymous person who sent me the video. I guess now, I know who this person was mostly because I know where the video was taken. But what she said in her texts made perfect sense when I tried to connect the dots. She just told me Jordi’s been some sort of a player and initially, I wasn’t even convinced but that’s until she sent me proof. I am eventually convinced that Jordi’s been playing both Zach and I. Aside from the video, she also sent me pictures of Jordi
XAVIER ROCKWELL“I know you’ve already watched the video.” Jordi’s voice reverberated from behind as I was pulling a clean shirt to wear. He finally decided to start the topic.I closed my eyes, paused and took a quick breath before eventually agreeing to what he just uttered. “Yes, I did.”“I was drunk that night, Xavier. A-and I don’t know what I was doing.” Jordi went on pulling the I’m-drunk-and-I-didn’t-know-what-I-was-doing card on me. “I gave in to the temptation and I am very... very... very sorry for what I did.”I turned around looked at him in the eye with a straight face and it’s as if I wasn’t affected by what he was confessing to me. I started slipping on my shirt. “Of course I know you were drunk. You’re at a party. You should be drunk.”Jordi was staring at me and I don’t what was going through his head because I’m not giving him any sort of emotion. “You sound like you’re...”“Like what?” I immediately cut him off knowing he’s about to describe my current situation. I
JORDI ADKINSI don’t how things are going to be better after this or if things are even going to get better. It’s just how or if. That is the hovering question.Am I going to be okay right after this?I asked the question to myself obviously not having any idea for an answer. It was surely a difficult thing to accept the lingering reality that Xavier Rockwell just ended our relationship over what I did. It was a short-lived one per se and I guess that’s part of the reason why I’m having a hard time to let his words sink in.“We’re done. Get over it.”I was still on the bus trying to calm myself down from crying but Xavier’s words kept on bouncing back and forth inside my head. This was the very first time that I have fallen in love with someone and it’s the kind of love that I’ve been dreaming of. The tight hugs and warm kisses, the stolen glances every time we are in class together, the aggressively unbridled display of affection every time we are alone. All of those things, I’m goin