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78TH HEARTBEAT
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The Badboy's Heartbeat 79TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLThe next morning was definitely the worst. Yes, I may have drowned all of the rotten thoughts and the anguishing emotions that I have been feeling last night on that unprecedented drinking spree. Yes, I may have forgotten about the predicament that my dad’s fucked up family announcement has given me. Yes, I may have drowned the agonizing feeling that I obtained from watching my boyfriend Jordi kiss another guy. But all of those are only just spent in a fleeting moment.I woke up on the doorway where I unconsciously fell asleep last night. I don’t know how the fuck did I not crawl my way towards the bed but I guess I may have cried myself to sleep. Just as expected, I have a banging hangover and I feel like I’ve been tortured by the FBI because my muscles felt sore. As soon as I opened my eyes, the brightness coming from the sun rising towards the horizon just slit through my eyes adding such intensity to my already existing headache. Whoever designed this condominium,
The Badboy's Heartbeat 80TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSThe bathroom floor became my ground for solace once again. I thought I have already moved past this era of my life but this day proved I haven’t and I don’t think I will. High school is without a doubt, an extra messy era in everyone’s life. On one end, it could be the happiest years of your life and could be filled with wild and ecstatic adventures. But for most people, it could be the shittiest rollercoaster of a lifetime. One day, you could be giggling and erupting with love bubbles of rainbows and butterflies and then when you wake up the next day, you are shedding tears and wishing the world was a better place. This day was just another one of those shitty days that I have to live through. I feel really cheated by the universe.The cold water trickling from the shower wasn’t enough to equalize whatever anguish I was feeling on the inside and surely, it wasn’t enough to alleviate it. And as I emerged from the shower forty-five minutes later, I was still panicking abou
The Badboy's Heartbeat 81ST HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI feel miserable but as I locked my eyes on my target, I became even more determined to iron this rift. I created this mess myself and I don’t expect anyone to fix it for me because that’s not how life goes. Besides, I don’t want Michiko to have the last laugh. She may have outed me to my mother, I still had the last laugh with that. I’m going to make sure she’s not going to win with ruining my life.Xavier walked out of the school premises and as he continued to walk on foot, I imagined those times we used to meet in clandestine. Those were the times when loves flourishing that even when we are hiding from the world, we were still feeling the heat and passion and the giddy moments all at once. Sadly, for me, someone decided to take that away like they have the right to bring chaos into my life. I know I’m part of that reason but I could easily have avoided this mess if it’s only on me.Xavier eventually got to the stop and took the bus going home. I had enough pinch of b
The Badboy's Heartbeat 82ND HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLI have been under absolute distraught all freaking day. One part of me is feeling rather guilty that I ignored Jordi yesterday even though he appeared desperate and was covered in sauce. But then the other part of me, the part that’s heartless seemed to have won the battle and ended up choosing to ignore Jordi. I don’t know why that part of me won maybe because I don’t want to feel sorry for myself.When I got home from that day, I was unpleasantly surprised to have received more text message from that very same anonymous person who sent me the video. I guess now, I know who this person was mostly because I know where the video was taken. But what she said in her texts made perfect sense when I tried to connect the dots. She just told me Jordi’s been some sort of a player and initially, I wasn’t even convinced but that’s until she sent me proof. I am eventually convinced that Jordi’s been playing both Zach and I. Aside from the video, she also sent me pictures of Jordi
The Badboy's Heartbeat 83RD HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELL“I know you’ve already watched the video.” Jordi’s voice reverberated from behind as I was pulling a clean shirt to wear. He finally decided to start the topic.I closed my eyes, paused and took a quick breath before eventually agreeing to what he just uttered. “Yes, I did.”“I was drunk that night, Xavier. A-and I don’t know what I was doing.” Jordi went on pulling the I’m-drunk-and-I-didn’t-know-what-I-was-doing card on me. “I gave in to the temptation and I am very... very... very sorry for what I did.”I turned around looked at him in the eye with a straight face and it’s as if I wasn’t affected by what he was confessing to me. I started slipping on my shirt. “Of course I know you were drunk. You’re at a party. You should be drunk.”Jordi was staring at me and I don’t what was going through his head because I’m not giving him any sort of emotion. “You sound like you’re...”“Like what?” I immediately cut him off knowing he’s about to describe my current situation. I
The Badboy's Heartbeat 84TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI don’t how things are going to be better after this or if things are even going to get better. It’s just how or if. That is the hovering question.Am I going to be okay right after this?I asked the question to myself obviously not having any idea for an answer. It was surely a difficult thing to accept the lingering reality that Xavier Rockwell just ended our relationship over what I did. It was a short-lived one per se and I guess that’s part of the reason why I’m having a hard time to let his words sink in.“We’re done. Get over it.”I was still on the bus trying to calm myself down from crying but Xavier’s words kept on bouncing back and forth inside my head. This was the very first time that I have fallen in love with someone and it’s the kind of love that I’ve been dreaming of. The tight hugs and warm kisses, the stolen glances every time we are in class together, the aggressively unbridled display of affection every time we are alone. All of those things, I’m goin
The Badboy's Heartbeat 85TH HEARTBEAT
JORDI ADKINSI think it was the popular Disney star who turned into a popstar Miley Cyrus who sang such quote “misery loves company”. I don’t remember exactly what song was that but she put it out there and it was a hit. It hit me right through the core. Looking at my current situation right now, I might have to agree with her. It’s been over a week since I was joined by the unpleasant company of misery and so far, I’m still breathing though my head still feels like it’s submerged underwater.I never would’ve thought having a real heartbreak for the very first time was going to be this tough, depressing and somehow restricting. When I was young, I may have felt heartbroken each time my mom forbids me to play with the other kids outside. I thought someone snatching my lollipop out of my hand during third grade was another heartbreak. I thought I got my heartbroken when my mom doesn’t want to buy me the snacks that I want. During middle school, someone knocked me over for walking so slo
The Badboy's Heartbeat 86TH HEARTBEAT
XAVIER ROCKWELLDealing with heartbreak was not the easiest thing in this world and I may have just learned the true power of your heart being shattered into smithereens. My mother knew that all along. I just wished she would’ve been the good mother that I’ve always wanted her to be and warned me about the dangers of falling in love and getting your heart broken. I may have gone through a lot of breakups in the past but they weren’t as agonizing as this one and that’s most probably because I wasn’t truly into women before.Ending things with Jordi Adkins seemed to be the beginning of the real deal. As far as I’m concerned, it hasn’t been that easy to be me and to be surrounded with people who simply does not care about me. The days have gone and passed and while I have been trying my best to ignore Jordi’s entire existence, I couldn’t deny the utter fact that I’m still feeling shaken every time I see him in class.How was he doing?How was he holding up?Did he found someone else to r
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