LOGINNoah POVSamuel had been talking about the second-best pillow for two weeks. On Tuesday night, he finally asked me the question I had been trying not to ask myself.“Dad, when is Elias coming to our house?”“I don’t know, buddy. It isn’t up to us.”“Who is it up to?”“Ilse. And Elias.”He thought about it with his chin on his fist. “Then you should ask.”I had already picked up my phone twice that day. The old version of me would have sent a car, a card, and a very polite letter on heavy paper. I typed the message four times and deleted it each time. In the end, I wrote: Would you and Elias like to come to dinner on Thursday? A quiet evening, nothing more. Samuel has prepared the second-best pillow.Ilse’s reply came within two minutes. Yes. He will not sleep tonight from excitement. Neither will I.Tracy read it over my shoulder and kissed my cheek. “You asked.”“I asked.”“It looks good on you,” she said.Elias arrived at six on Thursday in his green sweater, holding Ilse’s hand. At
Tracy POVOn Sunday morning, I laid the yellow hat and the tiny mitten side by side on the kitchen table and stared at them over my coffee. Marisol sat across from me with her glasses pushed up on her head, and she picked up the mitten and turned it over in her fingers.“This is plain knitting,” she said. “Nothing fancy. The kind you learn from a library book when you can’t afford a teacher.” She tilted it toward the window. “But look at the cuff. Somebody caught a mistake and mended it with a tiny knot. My grandmother used to do that. She said a knot hidden in the wool was a prayer.”“A prayer?”“A little one. For whoever wears it.” She set the mitten down gently. “Whoever made these was thinking of the baby the whole time. You can feel it in the wool.”I picked up the hat and held it against my cheek. It still smelled faintly of lavender. “I want to learn,” I said.“To knit?”“Yes. I don’t know why. I think I want to make something back.” I laughed at myself. “Is that silly?”“It’s
Noah POVSamuel gave me my instructions in the car, in the same voice he used for bedtime rules. “Dad, there are three things. One, don’t look at the trees. Two, don’t whisper about the trees. Three, don’t make a face about not looking at the trees.”“What kind of face?”“The one you make when you’re trying not to make a face.” He pointed at me in the mirror. “You’re doing it now.”Tracy laughed so hard she had to put her hand over her mouth. I rearranged my expression into something I hoped looked relaxed. Samuel studied it for a moment and sighed.“Better. But still a little much.”At Alder Park, the carousel was already turning, and the morning sun slanted gold across the lawn. On the far side, where the path curved toward a line of old maples, a wooden bench stood empty, and I knew without being told that Tracy had left Samuel’s note on it twenty minutes earlier, tucked under a small flat stone. She had walked there alone, set it down, and come back without once turning her head.
Tracy POVNoah told me at six the next morning, before the coffee was made. He sat on the edge of the bed with his phone in his hand and said, “Ilse called last night. I let you sleep.”“Is something wrong?”“No. Something is quiet.” He took a breath. “The woman in the drawing, the sixth figure. She heard about it, and she’d like to come to the carousel on Saturday. Not to talk to anyone. She wants to stand by the trees and watch the boys ride.”I sat up. For a moment I listened to my own heartbeat. “What did you say?”“That she’s welcome. I told Ilse we wouldn’t look, and we wouldn’t say a word.” He paused. “She asked me to tell you something else. She sings the same lullaby too.”I looked at the window, where gray light was coming through the curtains. A year ago, if someone had told me that a stranger knew my lullaby, I would have been afraid. I waited for the fear to arrive, and it didn’t. What came instead was a slow warmth, like a hand resting gently on my back.“Okay,” I said.
Noah POVIlse stood in the hallway of the quiet house with one hand pressed flat against the wall. She was not crying.She was only very still, and her eyes were fixed on the small gray circle at the edge of Elias’s drawing. I took one step toward her, and the question was already in my mouth. I had waited months. I could hear exactly how it would sound, and I could hear how it would land on a woman who had just poured out her whole life over a cup of tea.I closed my mouth. Tracy’s hand found my sleeve.“Elias,” I said, and I was relieved at how ordinary my voice sounded. “That is a very good drawing. Would you let us hang it on our refrigerator?”His face lit up. “Really?”“Samuel has a whole wall of dragons, but there’s room.”“I’d like that.” He glanced at Ilse and lowered his voice. “Is it okay that I drew her? I didn’t mean to make you sad.”Ilse knelt in front of him, a little stiffly, and put both hands on his shoulders. “You didn’t, sweetheart. You drew what you feel. That is
Tracy POVNoah came home from the cemetery quieter than he had left. He ate dinner without saying much, helped Samuel build a block tower, and listened to the whole plot of the dragon book twice. It was only after Samuel was asleep that he sat down on the edge of our bed and told me about the butterscotch on the stone.“Every Friday,” he said. “For ten years. The groundskeeper told me she never missed.”“That’s a long time to keep a promise.”“I never went once.” He stared at his hands. “She went every week, and I went to the funeral and never came back.”I sat beside him and took one of his hands in both of mine. “You went today.”“That’s what you always say.”“It’s always true.” I leaned my head against his shoulder. “You can’t go back and visit her for ten years. But you can go next Friday, and the one after. Maybe we can bring Samuel.”He was quiet for a long moment. Then he let out a breath, and I felt the weight in his shoulders ease. He turned and kissed my forehead, and then m







