GOOD GIRL

Ava hugged her tighter. “Hey.” 

Queen quickly wiped her face. “I hate this.” “I know.”

“I hate it when you feel this way.” Ava wiped her tears.  “For what it’s worth, Melissa is an idiot.” 

 And James is a blind cat who doesn’t see what is in front of him. That earned the tiniest smile from Queen.

The first one all day. “She’s not entirely wrong though.” Ava’s expression immediately hardened.

“Don’t.” “What?” “Don’t repeat their lies.” Queen looked down. “It’s not a lie if everyone keeps saying it.”

Ava let out a frustrated sigh. “Queen, listen to me carefully.” The seriousness in her voice made Queen look up. “You are smart.” Silence. “You are beautiful.” Queen opened her mouth to argue.

Ava pointed a finger at her. “Don’t.” Queen closed it again. “You are kind.” Another squeeze of her hand.

“You are hardworking.” A pause. “And one day, some man is going to walk into your life and look at you the way you deserve to be looked at.”

Queen laughed bitterly. “Right.” “I’m serious.” “Ava—”   “No, listen.”   Her eyes softened.

“One day you’re going to meet someone who loves your laugh.” Queen blinked.

“Someone who loves your heart.” A tear slid down her cheek. “Someone who doesn’t spend every waking moment trying to change you or starve you both foods.”

The words hit harder than Ava intended. Because both of them knew exactly who she was talking about.

Queen looked away. “Maybe James is right.” Ava stared at her.

“What?” “Maybe if I lose enough weight, everything will be okay again.”

Ava’s face broke. Not in anger.

In sadness. The kind of sadness that came from watching someone you love slowly disappear.

“Oh, sweetheart, you did not create yourself.” “you’ve been trying to lose weight but its not working can’t you see, maybe you are not meant to”.  Queen swallowed.

“You know james wasn’t always like this.” “I know.” “He used to call me beautiful.” Ava remained quiet.

“He used to look at me like I was the only woman in the world.” Her voice cracked.

“And now he looks at me like I’m a problem he has to fix.”  “which you are not” Ava stared at her”

Then Queen’s phone buzzed on the desk. Both women looked down.

James. Of course, speak of the devil. Queen hesitated before opening the message.

The first text appeared. Baby, are you still upset about this morning?

A second message arrived almost immediately.

I didn’t mean to embarrass you. A third. Everything I do is because I love you.

Ava rolled her eyes so hard Queen thought they might get stuck.

Queen continued reading.

I know you think I’m being harsh, but nobody is going to be honest with you except me.

Another message.

The world is cruel to women your size. I’m trying to prepare you for it.

Another. If I didn’t care, I would keep quiet and let you stay the way you are.

Ava snatched the phone. “Ava!” “No.”

She quickly read through the messages. Then looked completely horrified.

“He actually typed this?”  “this guy is a sick psychopath” 

 Queen sighed.

“He means well.” Ava nearly choked. “Means well?” “No. No Queen this guy is manipulative and evil trust me’      “He loves me.        Ava stared at her, tired and short of words. Then slowly handed the phone back.   “Read the last message.”

Queen looked down.  A new text had arrived.

I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Queen. I want to marry you. I want you to be the mother of my children. That’s why I’m pushing you. I’m doing this for us.

Queen’s chest tightened. There it was. The version of James she kept holding onto.

The loving version. The version that always appeared after the insults.

After the criticism.  After the humiliation.  Ava noticed the change in her expression immediately.

The hope.   The relief.    The need to believe him. And it broke her heart.

“Do you see what he’s doing?”  Queen frowned. “What?”  Ava leaned forward. “He hurts you.”

Silence.  “Then he convinces you he’s the only person who can heal the wound.”

Queen looked away. “He loves me.” Ava shook her head.

“No.”  The word came out softer than expected. “He loves to control you.”

Queen’s eyes immediately filled with tears.

“That’s not fair.”   “Isn’t it?”    Ava asked quietly.

The question lingered between them.

Deep down, Queen didn’t know anymore. She looked at the messages again.

The apology. The promises. The marriage. The future.

Everything she had spent years dreaming about. Everything she was starving herself to keep. And said to Ava. “i am doing the right thing, he is my future husband, and i am 28 years, when and where do i meet another man at this age and with this kind of body.

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. Then slowly typed: I’m sorry for being upset. The reply came instantly.

Good girl. Queen stared at the words. For some reason, they no longer felt comforting.

And judging by the look on Ava’s face, she was weak and speechless.

Ava stared at the phone. Then at Queen.

Then back at the phone again. Not I’m sorry.Not Are you okay? Did you sleep well?  Just:  Good girl.   Ava looked horrified.

Ava laughed. A short, disbelieving laugh. Before either of them could speak again, the phone buzzed.  A new message.

From James. Queen’s heart immediately skipped.

I’ll pick you up after work.  A second message followed.

Smell good. Hope you are wearing  something nice.  A small smile appeared on Queen’s face before she could stop it. Ava noticed immediately.

“Oh no.” “What?” “Oh no.” “Ava.”

“You are smiling.” Queen looked down at the screen.   Trying and failing to hide it.

It had been weeks. Weeks since James had taken her anywhere. Weeks since they had spent time together as a couple, aside from the gym.

Another message arrived.   I made reservations. Then another.   Just us.

Queen’s smile widened.   Ava looked physically sick. “Please tell me you’re not falling for this.”

“He wants to spend time with me.” “He also made you cry this morning remember.”

Queen sighed.  “Ava.”  “No.”  Ava folded her arms. “He humiliates you.” Silence. “He controls what you eat.”

More silence.  “He makes you feel horrible about yourself.” Queen looked away. Well I still love him. Another text appeared.

Queen frowned. Ava immediately noticed. “What now?” Queen hesitated. Then turned the phone around.

Ava read the message.   Her jaw dropped. Don’t eat anything for lunch so your stomach doesn't pop up.

For several seconds she simply stared. Then slowly looked up. “Oh, this man is going to send me to prison.” “Ava.”

“I’m serious.”  Queen couldn’t help laughing. The first genuine laugh she’d had all day.

Ava pointed at the screen. “Who invites somebody out and tells them not to eat?”

“He probably has dinner planned.” Ava snorted. “And I probably own a private jet.”

The rest of the afternoon crawled by.

For the first time all day, Queen found herself looking at the clock. Waiting.  Hoping. Maybe tonight would be different.

By five o’clock, she was touching up her makeup in the office restroom.

Not because she felt beautiful. Because she wanted James to think she was.

The thought made her sad. But she ignored it.  She always did. When she stepped outside the building, James was already waiting.

Leaning casually against his car.   The moment he saw her, he smiled.

“There she is.”   Queen’s heart softened instantly. No matter how angry she got.   No matter how much he hurt her.

A part of her still melted whenever he looked at her like that.

“You look okay.”    The compliment felt like water in a desert. Tiny.    But enough to keep her alive.  “Thank you.”

James got into the driver’s seat without opening the passenger door for her.  

As they drove through the city, Queen found herself relaxing for the first time all week.

They talked. Laughed. Even joked a little. It felt familiar.

The excitement lasted until they arrived. Queen stared at the glowing sign outside the building.

Then frowned. “James.” “What?” “This isn’t a restaurant.” He smiled. “It’s a lounge.” Her stomach immediately sank.

A lounge. Not dinner. Not food. Drinks. Only drinks. Queen looked at James. “I thought we were eating.” “We are.”

“No.”  She looked around. “We’re drinking.”

James shrugged. “Same thing.” “No, it’s not.” A hint of irritation crossed his face. “Queen.” “I haven’t been eating properly.”

“You’ll be fine.” “James.” He sighed dramatically. “As long as you’re trying to lose weight, alcohol makes more sense than dinner, and moreover we have a wedding to plan for.”

Queen stared at him. Surely he wasn’t serious. “You brought me out for drinks because I’m too fat to eat?”

A few nearby people glanced over. James lowered his voice.

“Don’t make it sound like that.”

“Then explain it.”   “You wanted to go out.”  “No, you asked me out.” “And I’m giving you something better.”

Queen laughed bitterly.  “Alcohol on an empty stomach is better?” “It’s either this or nothing.”

The words hit hard. Because she knew he meant them.