You Are Enough

My phone buzzed for the fifth time in less than an hour. I didn’t even have to look at the screen.

James. Again.

Finally, I picked up the phone. A few seconds later another message appeared.

James: Did you skip breakfast?

Then another.

James: Remember what we talked about. And another

James: Don’t forget your fasting today.

And finally:

James: Discipline now. Results later. I’m doing this because I love you.

I swallowed hard. My stomach growled. I had skipped breakfast.

Not because I wanted to. Because James wanted me to. For the past few months, every meal came with guilt.nEvery snack felt like failure. Every craving felt like weakness.

If I lost a pound, James praised me. If I gained one, he became distant.

Somewhere along the way, food had stopped being food. It had become a test.

And I was constantly failing. I placed my phone face down on the desk.

The office buzzed with activity around me. Phones rang. People laughed.nPrinters hummed.

But all I could hear were James’s words from the night before. “I know how beautiful you could be.”Not beautiful. Could be. The difference felt enormous.

A knock sounded against my open office door. Before I could respond, Ava walked in carrying two takeaway cups and enough attitude for an entire building.

One look at my face and she sighed. “Oh, for the love of God.”

I groaned. “What now?”

“The James ' face.”

“There is no James face.” “There absolutely is.”

She dropped into the chair opposite my desk and pushed one of the cups toward me.

Coffee. My favorite. I smiled despite myself. “Thank you.” “You’re welcome.”

She leaned forward. “Now tell me what happened.” “Nothing happened.”

Ava stared. I stared back. She continued staring. I lasted exactly five seconds.

“You’re annoying.” “And you’re lying.” I sighed.

“It was just another argument.” “About?”I looked away.

“My weight.” Ava closed her eyes. Slowly. Painfully. Like a woman trying not to commit a crime.

“One day,” she said calmly, “I’m going to end up on the evening news because of that man.”

I laughed. She wasn’t joking. “I’m serious.”

“Ava—” “No.” She pointed at me.

“You’re one of the most beautiful women I know.” “You’re blessed.” “you’re thick” real men’s  food don’t  let that wanna be fine boy fool you.

“I’m honest.” I rolled my eyes. Ava had been saying the same thing for years. Ever since the day we met. It happened during our first week at university. I was nervous, overwhelmed, and carrying enough books to start a small library.

Unfortunately, I was also looking at the wrong classroom number. I walked straight into a wall.

Not a person. An actual wall. The books flew everywhere.

Students laughed. Someone even clapped.

I wanted the floor to open and swallow me whole. Then a voice cut through the laughter.

“Are you all done acting like idiots? The room immediately went quiet. I looked up.

A girl with long braids and an expression that promised violence stood in the doorway.

That was Ava.

She knelt beside me and started helping me gather my books.

“Ignore them.” I nodded. Humiliated. She handed me my notebook. Then another. Then another.

“First week?”I nodded again. She smiled. “Don’t worry. It gets worse.” That made me laugh.

And somehow we had been friends ever since. Ten years later, she was still rescuing me.

Mostly from myself. “You know,” Ava said suddenly, pulling me back to the present, “I liked James when I first met him.”

I blinked. “You did?” “Of course.” She shrugged. “He adored you.” My chest tightened. Adored.

Past tense. “He brought you flowers.” She counted on her fingers. “He held your hand.” Another finger. “He introduced you to his family.” Another finger. “He talked about marriage and it’s been four years now, yet no sign of proposal or any ring. Yet you perform all wifely duties for him”

She sighed. “As though it’s not enough then he started trying to turn you into someone else.”

I stared down at my desk. My phone buzzed again. Ava’s eyes narrowed.

“That’s him, isn’t it?” I didn’t answer. She grabbed the phone before I could stop her.

“Ava!” Too late. She was already reading. Her face changed instantly.

“What?” Ava looked horrified. Then angry. Then horrified again.

“What did he say?” She turned the screen toward me.

James: Don’t let Ava convince you to eat junk food. Remember your goals.

I froze. Ava froze. Then she slowly lowered the phone. “He knows we’re friends.”

Ava laughed. Not because anything was funny. Because she was frustrated.

“He literally monitors your eating habits.” “He’s trying to help.”

The second the words left my mouth, I hated them. Because they sounded exactly like something James would say.

Ava noticed too. Her expression softened immediately.

“Oh, honey.” The pity in her voice hurt more than the anger.

At exactly noon, Ava stood up. “Come on.” I frowned. “Where?” “Lunch.”

“I’m not hungry.” Ava folded her arms. “That’s a lie.” “No, it isn’t.”

“Your stomach has growled six times since I walked in.” Traitor.

I glared at my stomach. Ava laughed. Then her expression became serious.

“When was the last time you ate?” I hesitated. Too long. Way too long.

Ava’s face fell. “Queen.”

“I’m fine.” “You’re not.” “I’m trying.”

“There you go again.” “What?”

“Trying to earn love.” “he said he will marry me” The words hit harder than they should have.

Baby if he truly loves you he won’t stave you trust me” 

“Let’s go.”

“Ava—- “No.” She grabbed her handbag. “We are eating.”

I knew arguing was pointless.

When Ava made up her mind, even natural disasters struggled to stop her.

Halfway through lunch, my phone rang. Mom.

A smile immediately appeared on my face.

“Hello?”  “Hi, sweetheart.”

Just hearing her voice made something inside me relax.

My mom had spent my entire life convincing me I was beautiful.

“How’s work?” “Good.”

“You’re lying, you don’t sound good.” I laughed.

“Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“Because you’re a terrible liar.” Ava nearly choked on her drink from laughing.

Mom heard. “Is Ava there?”

“Yes.” “Good.”

Ava grabbed the phone immediately. “mummy.”

“My favorite daughter.” I gasped.

“Excuse me?” “You heard me.”

Both women laughed. Traitors.

The conversation continued for several minutes before Mom asked to speak to me again.

“Queen.” “Yes?”

Her voice softened. “Are you eating properly?”

I glanced at Ava. Who was glaring. “Yes ma” “Queen.”

There was no judgment in her voice.

Only concern. And somehow that made me want to cry.

“You know I love you, right?” My throat tightened.

“Yes.”

“You know your worth isn’t measured by a scale?” I looked away.

“Yes.”

“You know you’ve been beautiful your entire life?”

A tear slipped down my cheek. “Mom…”

“I’m serious.” Her voice cracked slightly.

“You don’t need to become someone else to deserve love.” The words settled heavily in my chest.

Because deep down, I wasn’t sure I believed them anymore.

After the call ended, Ava reached across the table and squeezed my hand and said to me with so much concern, you are beautiful and bold, don’t let anybody tell you otherwise. Neither of us spoke again while we had our lunch.

My phone buzzed again. James.

I stared at the screen. James: Did you stick to your fasting today? 

If you feel hungry you can eat cucumber. For the first time, I didn’t smile.

For the first time, I didn’t feel loved. For the first time, I felt controlled.

And that realization scared me more than anything.