Chapter 7 - Timing is Everything

SANCHO

Something's wrong. Clementine tries to look okay, making small conversations here and there. She’d try to smile, she’d try to ask me how my day was and all that. That’s the thing. She is trying. I wouldn’t want her to try and look okay when she’s not. I can tell with how she hesitates before she smiles and the little pauses she does before she talks, thinking what to say next.

I’d be willing to do whatever it takes for her to share what’s on her mind. I don’t know how it started. I thought it was only little things… me, wanting to see her, wanting to talk to her, wanting to make her smile, wanting to hold her hands, wanting to kiss her lips, wanting to taste her, wanting to be with her. There was no backing out because when I learned how much of a big deal this feeling already is, I’m already in deep. The door where I can back out is wide open, but I’m very much willing to stay.

I still am, but Clementine doesn’t know that. I don’t even think she knows how whatever she feels about me.

In every silence we shared and every time our eyes met, I envisioned a happy family for the three of us. Me, her, our little girl. Like the family that I grew up with. Unfortunately, that family was taken from me too soon.

According to the initial agreement, her stay here is only temporary. It is only until she gives birth. She would always refer to the baby as mine. Your baby, your child, your kid, your son.

I couldn't help but smile at the last part. It must have slipped her mind when she stared at the ultrasound photo displayed on the fridge using a fridge magnet. She was only drinking water when it caught her eyes.

“Your son has grown so much,” she muttered.

She promised not to get involved. That she'd rather not know the gender. I didn't know she had a guess, and when I heard it from her lips, I was holding my tongue back, resisting the temptation to tell her. ‘We're having a daughter, Clementine.’

I really want to tell her that. Same with how I wish she would get her mother's beauty, her charm… or maybe her personality.

She'll be one persistent kid, but I don't mind. I'll love her no matter what… always and unconditionally.

I took things slow. Taking consideration of every little action I make in this arrangement. I want her with me, but by showing too much, I might end up losing everything. It also buys me time to think about the future because I want one, and I want Clementine in it.

I'll let Abuela know about it when I go to Spain. Whatever it'll take to convince her, I will do it. It's only us in the family. She may get angry at me at first, but she'll come around. I'm sure she'll love our daughter. It's her grandchild after all.

It will take time, but it is worth it.

Clementine was already sleeping in our bed when I got home from work. Life was a routine before I met her. I go to work, I go home, I sleep, and repeat the same set of actions. There was nothing fun, nothing exciting, no event that made me feel things. Until I met Clementine.

I still do the same work and go home to the same place, but the thought of seeing her, of having someone beside me when sleeping, it gives me that sense of contentment.

I took a shower and laid beside her. After a whole day of work, I finally feel rested when I am here by her side. Seeing her, smelling her, touching her… even having that taste of her.

There was this tiny wrinkle on her forehead.

“Sancho?”

“Hmm?”

She moved closer to my side with her eyes still closed. I think she's half-asleep because if she isn't, she wouldn't do this or admit to doing any of this. Pregnant Clementine is so clingy and clueless.

I let her use my arm as my pillow as she deeply inhales the scent of my shirt.

“Did you just get home?”

“Uhm-hmm.”

“Why? It's late.”

“Sorry I woke you up. You should go back to sleep.”

“Can't?”

“Huh.”

Her eyes are wide open now. Seeing her face this close, a little more than an inch away from mine, I am so tempted to close the distance and kiss her. She wouldn't like that though. It makes her think. Clementine thinks out loud. I can almost hear her questions whenever I show signs of affection.

‘He touched my hand… does he like me now?’

‘He’s kissing me slowly. Has he fallen in love with me?’

These are questions I’m more than willing to answer. Feelings I’d be okay to share, but what about her? Is she ready to hear what I have to say?

We both know the answer. Since we first met, it had always been a no.

It's fine. Now isn’t the right time yet. We both can't offer what each other needs. Having her by my side is all the assurance I need for now.

“Why can't you sleep, mi alma?”

She quickly pushed herself away from me. “My name is not Alma.”

“It's an endearment—” I wanted to defend myself; however, she didn't show any interest in what I was about to say. It would be fun to tease her, but now is not the right time when it's literally already early in the morning. “Okay. Why can't you sleep, Clem?”

She looks at the ceiling. I observed every tiny movement she made. She breathed deeply and was trying so hard not to look my way.

“Good night, Clementine.”

I was about to close my eyes when she spoke. “Your flight's tomorrow, right?”

“Yes. Eight in the morning.”

“When will you be back?” she asked again, still not facing me.

“For a week,” I answered.

“Okay.” She nodded.

I thought the conversation was over and I was about to close my eyes again to sleep until she held my hand and placed it on her belly.

“Your kid is kicking a lot lately.”

My eyes widened, feeling the tiny movement from her belly. I don't know how to describe it. It's beyond words that it made me want to tear up a little.

“The baby's kicking?”

“I think he likes your voice.”

She still thinks our daughter's a boy. I will tell her one of these days the truth. It matters, but not too much. As long as the baby is healthy, we're fine.

“Will you be fine when I'm gone?”

“Of course, we will be.” She smiled. “I will keep your baby safe.”

It pains me a little whenever I hear her call our child mine because, for me, this baby is ours. She's loved by Clementine as much as I love her. She doesn't have to say it. I can see it with everything she does.

“We have to talk about something when I get back.”

“Okay.”

She let me hold her belly, caressing the obvious bump until both of us fell asleep.

Clementine was still sleeping soundly when I left. I, too, am a little late, but it's more because of spending so much time whispering to our daughter, feeling her do her early morning kicks.

I can't wait to tell Abuela about her. She'll be surprised, but no doubt that Abuela will love our baby. She's been bugging me about giving her a grandchild already.

***

The flight was long, and I arrived at almost dinner time. Knowing Abuela, I'm sure she prepared a feast. I always go home feeling like a homecoming king, and I am not complaining. Not at all.

“Welcome home, mi querido nieto.” She welcomes me with a big hug.

Being away, I'm constantly reminded of what I've lost, but being beside my grandmother, I am reminded of the precious person I still have by my side.

“How have you been, Abuela?”

“Fine, now that you're here. Come, mi niño. I can't wait for you to meet your fiancé. She has been waiting for you for hours.”