Chapter 5

"You want me to drive you home?" Kairo said in a soft voice 

"I... I don't know. Everything in that house cause me pain." I signed. Maybe love isn't just about butterflies in stomach but also pricking needles in your chest.

"You want to come over my place?" Kairo hold my hands gently

"No. Why should I? You don't even know me." I look away from him

"Well, maybe I don't know you personally but I cannot afford to see a gorgeous woman crying here alone." He look at me with a sign of relief

"Seriously, don't fall in love me. I'm not worth the risk." I look at him furiously 

"I'm not saying I'm falling for you." He chuckled,"I just can't bare to left you here knowing your in pain."

I think of it for a while. Maybe there's nothing wrong right? Matthew fuck another woman, why I couldn't do that also? He think he's cool for that? Hell no he just make everything even worse. Maybe I should try. I think Kairo is a nice person. Way nicer than my fucking husband.

"O-Okay... Let's—"

"TYRA!"

I roamed around to look where that voice come from. It is a familiar voice a long for a long time. Did he look for me? Or I'm just hallucinating things because I'm in pain?

There he is as if he's concern with me. Why did he even bother to look for me? He should be happy that I left and he can finally do whatever he wants.

Matthew's grip tightened around my wrist that it almost hurt.

"W-What are you doing here?" I asked, trying to pull my hand away from him.

His eyes quickly shifted toward Kairo. Dark. Dangerous. Angry. Is he jealous? No way. He doesn't care about me after all. I'm his wife yet he was forced to be with me. 

"And who the f*ck is this?" he asked coldly.

Kairo stepped closer calmly. "Maybe you should loosen your grip first dude. You're hurting her."

Matthew scoffed. "This is between me and my wife."

The word wife suddenly felt heavy in my chest. Wife? Really? How dare we can utter that word even if he doesn't treat me like his real wife. Funny how he only remembers that word when another man is beside me.

"I'm talking to her, not you." Matthew glared at Kairo.

I finally pulled my hand away. "Stop acting like you care, Matthew."

Silence. He stopped for a moment. Maybe some realizations hit him hard.

Even the sound of the nature suddenly felt distant.

His jaw tightened. "You disappeared."

I laughed bitterly. "Really? You're saying that after disappearing for three days while fucking another woman?"

Matthew's expression darkened.

"You expect me to be nice again to you? Is that what you want? Did you even think that I have a heart and soul? Even just for once! I'm not a robot, Matthew!" I almost cried. "I can feel pain too! I'm not numb!" I said as I hold my tears but they keep on falling.

Kairo remained quiet beside me, but I could feel him observing everything carefully.

"Let's go home." Matthew spoke again, this time softer but still commanding.

Home.

That word doesn't even sound comforting anymore.

Before, I used to say that Matthew is my home cause he is my husband and he's the love of my life. But now, I don't think so. Home supposed to be a person where you can find comfort and peace but with him... All I experience was sufferings, crying, and endless emotional torture. 

"I don't want to go with you."

For the first time, Matthew looked shocked. Maybe he's thinking if this my man is my husband, why I don't want to come with him?

Maybe because this is also the first time I disobeyed him. We've been together for many years but I never complained or disobeyed him just for once. Only this time. Cause I can't bear it anymore. To be his secret wife...

"Tyra." he warned.

But before he could grab me again, Kairo suddenly stood in front of me.

"Didn't you hear her?" Kairo said calmly. "She said no."

The tension between them became heavier. It felt like one wrong move could turn everything into chaos.

Matthew smirked mockingly. "And you think she would choose a stranger over her husband?"

I clenched my fists.

Because honestly... I don't even know anymore. I don't even know where would I go. I just want to be alone. 

"Who the fuck told you to go away?" Matthew grabbed my hand aggressively

His grip became tighter as if he's afraid that I would disappear again. 

"Ouch Matthew..." I winced in pain. "W-Why can't you just let me go? This is what you want right? You are now free to do what you want!"

"Answer me." his voice was cold yet shaking with anger. "Who told you to leave the house without telling me?"

I stared at him unbelievably.

Seriously?

After everything he did, he still had the audacity to question me like I was the one who made mistakes? Funny how he blame his own mistakes to someone who tries to understand him everyday. People nowadays are so narcisist to the point that they never awknowledge their mistakes yet point fingers to others.

A bitter laugh escaped from my lips.

"You cheated on me and you're asking why I left?" my tears continued to fall. "Do you even hear yourself right now?"

Matthew's jaw clenched. His eyes looked exhausted as if he hadn't slept for days. But instead of feeling concern, all I felt was pain.

"You think this is easy for me too?" he suddenly snapped.

"Easy?" I laughed mockingly. "What's hard there Matthew? Lying? Cheating? Hiding me like some dirty secret? We're married, Matthew! I'm your wife not your toy!"

His expression darkened even more with a bit of guilt in his face. 

Kairo gently pulled me behind him. "I think both of you need to calm down."

Matthew glared at him murderously. "Stay out of this before I lose my patience."

"And what if I don't?" Kairo challenged calmly.

I could already feel the tension rising between them. The cold wind suddenly felt suffocating. I just not to escape, just for once. 

"Please stop..." I whispered weakly.

But neither of them listened.

Matthew suddenly walked closer to Kairo until they were only inches apart.

"You think you can save her?" Matthew smirked. "You don't even know her."

Kairo remained calm. "Maybe not. But at least I know she doesn't deserve this kind of treatment."

That sentence hit me hard.

Because for the first time... someone finally said the words I couldn't say for myself.

Finally, someone see's my pain. Someone understand where I came from.

Matthew looked at me afterwards. His eyes softened for a second before anger consumed them again.

"You're really choosing him?"

"I am not choosing anyone!" I shouted frustratedly. "Can't you understand that I'm tired?!"

Silence. But he still gaze upon me but with more softer eyes.

"I spent almost a year begging for your love!" my voice cracked. "I endured everything because I love you. I tried understanding you even when you're hurting me over and over again!"

I wiped my tears aggressively.

"But I'm getting tired Matthew... so damn tired."

For the first time, I saw fear in his eyes.

Real fear. Is this fear for loosing me or fear of loosing someone who can pick up his mistakes?

As if he finally realized that the woman who kept chasing after him before... was slowly slipping away. I hope so... he will realize that.

He loosened his grip around my wrist.

And somehow... that hurt me even more.

Because despite everything, a part of me was still hoping he would hold onto me differently.

Not out of anger.

Not out of possession.

But out of love.