Chapter 7

"Umm, K-Kairo... Is it okay if I talk to Matthew... Alone?" 

Kairo look shocked when I said that. Maybe he didn't expect that I still care for my husband.

"Yeah, sure. I'll just look for some food to eat,okay? Just stay here" He smiled at me.

I nodded at him. Kairo seems to be a nice guy but I don't want to take advantage of his kindness thou. I don't want him to think that I'm only using him because I'm helpless. I want to refuse his offer but I have no where to go that why I swallow my pride and run away with him.

But

Unexpected things happened. And this blinding turn of event almost make me believe that my husband, Matthew, is concern about me. 

I don't want to make a false hope just because he called me. 

But there's some side of me that still longing for him

"I'm not hungry. H-How about you? You must eat. You must be exhausted from work" I said gently

"I'm fine but it bothers me that you are not taking care of yourself. I shouldn't let that man get you" he said in annoyed tone

"I'll buy some food later. I'm just taking a rest." 

"Yeah you should... You must be tired of me..." 

A deep silence occupied the moment. I didn't know Matthew would be like this once I left. I thought he would throw a party because the one who's causing him trouble is finally out of his sight.

But I was wrong.

The Matthew I talk to right now is like a child longing for love.

"M-Matt"

"Tyra, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If only..." he said in despair

I immediately turn off the call. I know it's disrespectful but I can't bear hearing those words from him.

I can't bear hearing him say sorry in the most genuine tone I ever known.

Although, I waited for years for him to say that but I can't handle it right now. It's make me even more guilty and sad. 

The call ended.

But Matthew's voice remained inside my head.

Heavy.

Broken.

Sincere.

I stared blankly at my phone while my fingers trembled slightly. The screen slowly turned black, reflecting my pale face under the dim light.

Why now?

Why does he only become soft when I'm already falling apart?

A painful lump formed inside my throat. For years, I begged for this version of Matthew.

The Matthew who asks if I already ate. The Matthew who sounds worried. The Matthew who apologizes.

But now that he's finally showing it...

Why does it hurt even more?

I pressed my lips tightly to stop myself from crying again.

I was tired.

So tired.

Not just physically.

But emotionally.

Mentally.

Loving Matthew feels like drowning in the middle of the ocean while hoping he'd save me even though he's the one pulling me deeper.

I slowly lowered my phone and closed my eyes.

Then suddenly—

"What happened?"

I quickly opened my eyes and saw Kairo standing a few steps away from me while holding two cups of instant noodles and a plastic bag full of snacks.

He looked worried.

I immediately wiped my tears aggressively.

"N-Nothing."

Kairo raised his eyebrow. "You know that's the most obvious lie I've heard today."

I forced a small laugh.

"You came back fast."

"Because I saw someone crying from afar." he said softly while walking closer.

He carefully sat beside me and handed me one cup of noodles.

The warmth from it instantly touched my cold hands.

"Eat first before you cry yourself to death."

I looked at him weakly. "You're weird."

"And you're emotionally unstable." he answered playfully.

A small smile escaped from my lips again.

How does he do that? How does he make things feel lighter so easily?

Kairo quietly opened his noodles while glancing at me from time to time.

"You still love him that much, huh?"

My grip around the cup tightened.

I stared silently at the steam rising from the noodles.

"I don't know anymore."

That was the truth.

Because loving Matthew already became a habit. A dangerous habit. Like a wound I keep touching even though I know it'll never heal.

Kairo nodded slowly as if he understood everything without me explaining further.

"You know..." he started softly. "Sometimes people get too attached to pain that they mistake it for love."

His words immediately hit me hard.

I remained quiet.

Because maybe...

He's right.

Maybe I became too used to suffering that I convinced myself it was normal.

I laughed bitterly.

"Do you know what's funny?" I whispered.

Kairo looked at me attentively.

"I used to dream about marriage before." I smiled weakly. "I thought marrying the person you love would automatically make life beautiful."

I looked at the dark ocean ahead of us.

"But no one told me that marriage could also feel lonely."

The cold wind blew once again. The cold breeze of the wind embraces my skin as if it speaks for my loneliness.

Kairo stayed quiet. Not because he didn't care. But because he was listening.

And honestly...

That alone already felt comforting.

"I envy other women sometimes." I admitted softly. "Simple things make them happy. Dates. Flowers. Public affection."

My chest tightened painfully.

"I don't even need expensive things from Matthew. I just want to feel loved."

Silence.

Then Kairo suddenly asked carefully—

"Why did he marry you?"

I froze.

That question alone already carried so much pain.

I lowered my head weakly.

"Our parents arranged everything."

Kairo's expression darkened slightly.

"So he didn't want the marriage?"

I laughed bitterly.

"No. He made that very clear from the start." Flashbacks immediately flooded my mind.

Matthew avoiding me after the wedding. Matthew sleeping late to avoid conversations. Matthew acting cold every single day. Matthew treating me like a responsibility instead of a wife.

"He told me before that I ruined his life." I whispered painfully.

Kairo suddenly cursed under his breath.

"What kind of man says that to his wife?"

"The kind of man who never loved her."

The words escaped from my lips so naturally that even I got hurt hearing them.

Kairo looked at me silently afterward. Then unexpectedly, he gently flicked my forehead.

"Ouch!" I complained while holding my forehead.

"Stop talking about yourself like you're worthless."

I blinked at him.

"You're pretty. Kind. Patient. Any guy would be lucky to have someone who loves that deeply."

I immediately looked away from him.

Because hearing compliments felt strange.

Matthew rarely compliments me.

Most of the time, he only notices me when I make mistakes.

Kairo suddenly stood up and stretched his arms.

"Come on."

I frowned. "Again?"

"We're going somewhere."

"Where?"

"Secret."

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "What if you're a serial killer?"

Kairo gasped dramatically. "Tyra! How could you expose me like that?"

Despite everything, I laughed.

A real laugh this time.

And somehow...

It scared me.

Because I shouldn't be feeling comfortable around another man.

Especially not this quickly.

Kairo smiled softly after seeing me laugh.

"There she is."

My smile slowly faded.

Because for a moment...

I forgot my problems.

And honestly...

That felt wrong.

I slowly stood up from the bench while hugging Matthew's coat tighter around my body.

Kairo noticed it immediately but didn't say anything. We quietly walked toward his bike parked near the road. He really get another vehicle huh.

The city lights below looked beautiful from afar.

Everything seemed peaceful. Meanwhile my heart was anything but peaceful. 

"Why are you so nice to me?"

He paused for a moment. Then he smiled faintly.

"Maybe because I know what it feels like to be alone."

That answer made my chest tighten again.

"You coming?"

I hesitated for a second.

Then my phone vibrated again.

Matthew.

My heart immediately became restless.

Kairo noticed my expression but pretended not to. I stared at Matthew's name for a few seconds before silently turning my phone off completely.

Tonight...

I don't want to cry anymore.

I slowly get onto Kairo's bike. Unlike earlier, I kept a little distance between us.

But when he started driving, the cold wind immediately became stronger.

"You're gonna fall again if you sit like that." he shouted playfully.

"I'm fine!"

A few seconds later, the bike slightly swerved because of the rough road.

I panicked instantly and grabbed his shirt tightly.

Kairo laughed loudly.

"I told you."

"E-Excuse me! That's your fault!"

"Mhm. Sure."

I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see me.

Eventually, I slowly relaxed behind him.

The cool night air brushed against my face while the city lights blurred beautifully around us.

For the first time in months...

I felt free.

No giant mansion.

No suffocating silence.

No pretending to be okay.

Just me.

And the unfamiliar feeling of peace.

But despite everything...

Matthew still remained inside my heart. Like a scar that refuses to disappear. No matter how much it hurts. No matter how broken I become.

I still love him.

And maybe...

That's the saddest part of all.

Meanwhile—

Inside a black luxury car parked near the cliff.

Matthew sat silently in the driver's seat while staring at his dark phone screen.

His hands tightened around the steering wheel.

He looked exhausted.

Broken.

Angry.

Not at me.

But at himself.

The moment I ended the call earlier, I think something inside him shattered.

Because for the first time...

He heard I'm giving up.

And that terrified him.

Matthew leaned his head back against the seat and closed his eyes painfully.

I think a lot of memories flashed inside his mind.

The way I wait for him late at night.

The way I smile softly every morning.

The way I prepare meals for him even when he ignored me.

And I silently enduring everything.

And now...

That same woman was slowly walking away from him.

Matthew suddenly laughed bitterly to himself.

"Fuck..."

He covered his eyes weakly.

Because he finally realized something too late.

The woman he kept pushing away for months...

Was the only person who genuinely loved him.