Chapter 5: Criminal Minds and Crying

When I made it to my apartment, I knew that I had just enough time to wallow in the memories of my mother before Kansas sauntered into the apartment, and I would use that time accordingly. I shook off the putrid snowflakes from my body and shrugged my coat off, tossing it onto the rack before kicking my boots off. I made my way to the fridge and grabbed my carton of rocky road ice cream, and a small spoon.

Criminal Minds seemed to make its way onto the television screen, and I used it as background noise to conceal the sobs that racked my body. I knew that they would resurface, but I had done my best to keep the memories of her buried in the back of my mind. They were too much to handle even now, years later. Amaryllis Carroll was my rock, my everything, and with her gone, I would always have a hole in my heart. She was a badass when it came to running her business, and she was the most loving when it came to me. She never made me feel like her business was more important than me, unlike most would assume. She would cuss out an employee one minute, and then rush to ask me how my day went the next. She brought me with her on days I didn’t have school, and when I was sick, she would drop everything and make me chicken noodle soup. There was never a doubt in my mind of her love for me, and it only pushed me to become more and more like her.

That is, until those around her began pressuring me in highschool to take over the business when she passed. I was fifteen when she was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. It was aggressive, and treatment was even more so. I noticed after I turned sixteen, when her cancer came to light in the press, that her colleagues had started to approach me more and more. I never let her know about their constant hounding of if I was taking over or if someone else was, but she knew, and she hated it. She hated knowing that even though she never pressured me, that others around her were. She had written her last will and testament faster than anyone had before, and the shock was surreal when she only left me the company, and a small bit of her fortune, enough to send me to college. I knew the purpose of signing the company over to me. She had the rest of her multi millions divided amongst various charities, and I couldn’t have been more thrilled with her decision. I liked that she didn’t hand everything over to me, it motivated me beyond words.

When the contents of her will came out, the pressure was at an all time high, and was all the confirmation the press needed to deem me the heiress to her elaborate business. It was irritating, because all I wanted to do was be there for her in her darkest time, and the press couldn’t even give me that. So after I deemed Ford Mitchell worthy of my mother’s company , I packed my bags and headed to Boston, on the other side of the country to get away from it all. When I graduated, there was still this gaping hole in my chest, and I decided to open my boutique in Seattle so I could be closer to her memory, but not too close that it would suffocate me. 

I hated them, and when I returned, I had dyed my hair and changed my style. I felt like I wasn’t me, and a few years into owning Wonderland Boutique I returned to my normal self, staying out of the public eye as much as possible. No one had known that I moved back to Seattle, and that was why it was easier to stay out of the press than I expected. It was a relief, a relief that was washed away when Mr. Perfectly Annoying decided to step back into view, because I knew after I left that building there would be reports by tomorrow. Felicia had a mouth on her, and I had no doubt in my mind that she had gossiped to her coworkers of my return.

I dug my spoon into the delicious, frozen ice cream and cried harder. I cried for my mother, for my peace, and for Hotchner’s ex wife. The episode on the TV was the saddest one in the series, in my opinion and it only fueled the sadness in my heart. I hadn’t noticed that Kansas had walked through the door until she gasped at my tragic appearance.

“Oh. My. Lord. Look at you! What happened, Alice?” her shock rang clear in her voice and I turned to look at her, desperately trying to rid the tears from my cheeks. I stabbed my spoon into the delectable ice cream, and stood up dusting myself off.

“I just, uhm, had to go to Mitchell Publishing to return the dumbass’ phone. No biggie, I was just crying at the Criminal Minds episode on the screen. Hotchner’s wife was just murdered. I’m fine Kans.” I tried reassuring her, but my expression didn’t fool her.

“We are going out tonight, not butts, you need it, I need it. I had a shit day at work. Get dressed, no complaining. And wear that sparkly blue number. It brings out your eyes.” Her voice was firm, and soft, and caring, just like Kansas always was. I couldn’t help but smile at her. Clubbing wasn’t my ideal time of a night out, but alcohol was calling my name, so I decided not to argue. 

I made my way into my room and threw on the dress she recommended, it really did suit my eyes. I decided to throw on some nude tights with a few sparkles dotted on the seams, the night would be more cruel than this morning, and I wasn’t about to succumb to hypothermia just for an outfit. Once my hair was curled and pinned to perfection I stepped out of my room to find that Kansas had decided on her tight red dress. A staple for her night outs, as she claimed it helped lure men to her. I chuckled at her and threw my keys at her. She was notorious for keeping her belongings, she was a pro at the whole clubbing thing. She caught them with ease and shoved them into her bra with her ID and credit card. 

“Let’s go!” She shouted as she pumped her closed fist into the air. I laughed and followed her out the door, closing it behind us.