Chapter 5

©S A F I E 

CHAPTER 5 

ELLE 

I open one of my eyes, the dizziness overwhelming me that I have to slowly rise from the bed and stagger towards the bathroom, the room spinning around me. It was the break of the dawn; too early for me to wake during a weekend. 

I rested my hands on the walls as I struggled against it, trying to reach the toilet bowl before I barfed up. Not being able to withstand, I collapse on the floor and have managed to hold the toilet bowl tighter before my face hovers on it, inches away from the water as I empty my insides. I hug it closer to my chest, heaving at it without having anything to let go. 

I've been like this for the past week and was getting weaker by the days passing. Gabe never had the chance to notice this because he's been away for Italy for almost a month now. I do not know the exact date of his return. Maybe next week or tomorrow morning? Tonight? 

It was pointless to bug him about it because he wanted to surprise me. I rolled my eyes at that, pushing myself away from the bowl and leaning my back against the tub. 

What am I going to tell him once he arrives and see me like this- like a zombie that has just resurrected? 

I believe that he will be enraged by my appearance once he comes back. I have lost weight because I couldn't keep my food in. I wanted to go and have myself checked in the hospital though I felt lazy, sometimes I refused to leave the room and stay in bed, cuddled up in sheets and reading to myself. 

What should I tell Gabriel once he goes back? That I've got the worst stomach flu of the history - a bug or something I've got because of eating too much ice cream? Or wait... 

I momentarily stopped, my thoughts and ideas dissolving as I crawl my way back inside our room. I rummaged the bedside table and open the lock on my phone as I see the red sign blinking in my notification - quite confirm the assumptions I am having. I think I know why I am having this sickness for it's not considered as to how it appeared to be. 

I should've got my period last month, and I have never been late in my whole life. This is it, what I have always wanted with Gabriel. I believe that my answers are finally answered. I finally have a chance. With desperation in my eyes, I hoist myself up, struggling to keep my balance as I stare at the girl reflected in the window. 

"I'm going to take the test." 

• 

I smiled at the three pink positive signs staring at me. 

I'm pregnant! 

I danced around the bathroom and giggled some more. Who knows that I will be a mom after a few months? Have a little Elle or maybe little Gabe running around here while I busied myself looking after her or him, or them? I smiled, a wild look in my face that does not deem well with how thin I've become for the past few weeks. 

Only 7 out of 10 women who have this result is as happy as me. One of them is underage, or have three kids already and doesn't want an additional problem or the other, which is a single woman who has a one night stand. 

Like I care. I'm going to have what I wanted for so long. It's right in front of me now. Literally. 

Out of habit, I begin to bite my nails as I think of the consequences of this. I'm a little bit nervous about what is going to happen to me and the baby when the contract is done but I forced myself to just shut it out and relax. I don't want stress clawing at my very face and make the baby feel worst. I can handle this. 

I put the three pregnancy test in my bag and smiled. This will be the second happiest day of my life. The first one is when I married the love of my life -which, I'm not sure if he will be happy with this news but I want the baby. Yet, if he doesn't accept my baby and chose to react negatively towards my news, then I will protect my baby from him even if it is the last thing I will do. 

I won't let him do anything to this little bean. 

If I need not tell him until I'm showing, then fine. I'll do everything in my power to keep my baby safe. Even if it requires me to leave the love of my life just so this little bean would live happily, I will choose that rather than ending the life that has not even started in this world. 

The thought of having a life inside of me is clearly a joyful moment. Especially that it's from Gabriel and me. I really need to be careful about everything that I do, and I won't have any coffee anytime soon. No stress and more rest, and lastly, I really want to have some pistachios, salted caramel kisses and vanilla Ice cream right now. 

Making my decision, I snatch my purse and decided to meet up with someone I haven't seen for a long time. 

• 

"What? You're pregnant? I'm gonna be an aunt!" The female version of my husband screamed, slapping my face playfully before she hugs me back. It was almost painful for me to stare at Neola the same way as she does to me. It's hard for me to see the same reflection of my husband on her face and smile. 

I just miss him too much. 

It has been a month since I saw him and she just looks a lot like him. I wonder - will our child possess the same blue eyes as them or inherit my vivid green eyes that I am so in love with. Neola's curly hair is slightly bushy than that of Gabriel's - a trait of their Italian descent in their mother side, the Mancini's, which he rarely even talks about considering that Gabriel's mother has died when they are still kids. 

I was suddenly distracted out of my thoughts when Neola piped in, "But you clearly know that my brother will be shocked to know this...it is unexpected." She smirks at me, her eyes filled with amusement, "What did you do to make my dear old brother succumb to your temptation, mistress?" she pointed an accusing finger at me and giggled. 

I slap her finger and pouted, "Neola! I know that all he's going to say to me is N.O. and I won't have any say on it but it is done. The baby is here and he has to deal with it one way or another. This is a blessing; this little bean is very dear to me and I won't let Gabriel do anything to harm my baby!" My chest tightens and I sobbed, bursting into tears as I shoved a spoonful of ice cream into my mouth, muffling my cries. 

Damn, hormones. 

Neola gave me a look and wipe my tears with the Kleenex on her hand, "Shh, slow down. No stress for the little bean, right?" I glared at her as I shoved another spoonful inside my mouth, "Yet you are the one who is stressing me, Neola." She bites her lip and I smiled at that. Shoving another spoonful in my mouth, I moan at the sweet-smelling salted caramel kisses melting on my tongue. 

"What are you going to do when he finds out about this?" She asked after I finish my ice cream. 

I looked at her and smiled, "Nothing, I'll let it be. I won't do anything. I'm pretty sure that once he sees the photos of this little bean, he will accept it all. Gabriel is not that heartless." Neola gave me a confused look, frowning at the tub of ice cream in front of her. 

"But you know my brother, Elle. He always gets what he wanted - all of his demands are always followed. He has plans for both of you. He doesn't, never in a million years, would want a kid, right? He has made it clear. You know he has--" 

"I know that but, his reasons are lame! I just don't understand him..." I shoved another spoonful and watch her shoved her own share of the ice cream on her mouth. 

"I don't even understand why he doesn't want a kid also. He's like twenty-nine already and the company is doing well. You and Gabriel are perfect, having a lovely house and lots of money, you can afford a dozen of children if you want to. " Neola shoves a spoonful of her own ice cream inside her mouth before scowling at me, "Yet against all this, how come he let you have your way? My brother's not that idiot when it comes to things like this, especially things he doesn't like." She gave me a curious look before turning her attention to her milkshake which still looks like untouched. 

Because he's drunk and out of his mind, Neo, and that I partly lied to him. No. I won't tell her that. 

I bite my lip and scratch my neck - a sign that I am nervous about lying at Neola. "Becawithe he arrived late that night and then-" Neola's eyes widen as she shakes her hands in front of her, exclaiming, "No need for those details! God, I don't want to know about your sexual this and that, woman. I'm clearly satisfied with the 'no sex before marriage thingy'. You know, I might be tempted." She winked at me, her fingers still covering her ears. I laughed at this silly twenty-two-year-old gal, shaking my head at how ridiculous she appears. "I just want to know how you persuade him to do it." 

"Alright. It just....happened." I smiled at her as she grinned at me. 

"That's it?" 

I nodded and said. "You don't want to hear the details, right?" 

She hastily pointed the spoon at me before deciding to shove it back into one of the tubs, "Never mind. Let's eat this pistachio ice cream now that we finished the salted caramel one. Oh, I remember! I ordered you some strawberry milkshakes. I heard that most pregnant women visiting this cafe ask for this special milkshake." She called for the waiter and I watch in horror as she laid the glass in front of us. Neo thank him and push the glass to me, "Your favourite, right?" She cheered but I just frowned back at the milkshake, "Are you okay, Elle?" 

"I don't like strawberry at this moment...especially one on my milkshake," I stood up from my seat and headed in the bathroom to throw up. 

• 

I look down on my watch and waited some more. 

He said he's gonna meet me up for dinner. He informed me that he will arrive late this evening instead of going back tomorrow morning. He said it'll take him only an hour before he arrives but why is it that he's not here yet? 

It's almost midnight! 

And the fact that I prepared his favourite dish even if it is hard to do makes me irritated at him. Pissed even. It made me so infuriated at him that I have this sudden urge to hurl the pan unto him as soon as he arrives. I tap my foot impatiently and glared at the time that is reflected at the grandfather clock. 

I've gone almost everywhere today. From the café, then to the doctor before going to the store to buy the necessary ingredients I needed. I'm very thankful that Neola is there to be my company and driver since Taylor was with Gabriel, doing god-knows-what. She accompanied me to the hospital to have my very first check-up seeing as Gabriel wasn't with me 

Doctor Eric told me that I'm 5 weeks pregnant. I'm a bit hesitant at first when he examined me because of the main reason that he's a guy. Though he assured me that he was actually gay. I almost laugh at how ridiculous I act, gawking when he asked me to strip and open up as he uses the wand to probe at 'my area'. I'm very thankful that he's my doctor and that he is gay because I will be damned if Gabriel finds out that my OB was a guy. 

I also meet Victo-I mean Doctor Cherry, his assistant/ substitute doctor for his patients in case he wasn't there. She looks awfully familiar to me that I am feeling a bit dodgy at her, remembering that Victoria Lint who made my life hell before and after I have married Gabriel. 

She has the same facial features as that of Victoria, Gabe's ex-girlfriend except that Cherry is blonde while Victoria was brunette. The features end with that because they have no traits in common like Cherry's attitude is kind, nice and loving; nothing like those of that scandalous bitch, whom I fought with before I and Gabriel got married. She's so scanty and ridiculous that even though it has been a year I can't forget about her freak face and her foul mouth which I long to wash with soap. 

Victoria's face still irks me making me want to find her and pull her head off, screaming bloody murder. Why does Cherry have to look like someone I hated for the rest of eternity? I'm pretty sure that God can choose from a lot of combinations so why do they have to look a lot like each other? And the fact that Cherry is so nice to me that she already win my heart makes it more infuriating. She even assured me that I am her favourite patient and that she will take care of me and my baby. 

After giving me my prenatal vitamins, Eric asked me to come back next month to check on this little bean. He also gave me his number, telling me that I'm free to consult him anytime, or asked him about the different stages of pregnancy. He also told me that throwing up or morning sickness is just normal, along with the sudden cravings that are so bizarre, not fathomable by anyone but the baby inside. 

After my check-up, Neola and I went to the nearest grocery store to buy the ingredients for the Chicken Alfredo which is Gabriel's favourite. I am looking forward to this dinner because I haven't seen him for weeks and I wanted to tell him about the baby, explaining to him that he will be the best father because I will be next to him, figuring parenthood together. 

Even if I feel like I'm gonna sleep for the rest of my life as soon as I hit the sack yet, I still waited. I'm so beat which explains why I am so eager to sleep. It's past eleven in the evening now and there's not even a sign on when he's going to arrive. No message or call to tell me that he'd cancel his flight back to New York because he still had some unfinished business meeting or anything. He just made me wait. He made me think that he will be here with me tonight, celebrating his arrival and also the present inside me. 

Darn it! I really miss him. 

I can't help the tears as they fall down on my cheek. Can't he see that I long for his presence? Don't he miss me too? He's focused on making our relationship work from the moment he stayed with me all day after our anniversary. He's shown me that he wanted me, that he can still be human, that I can be loved by him but, as he leaves for Italy, I know it will change again. 

I stopped pacing around the kitchen, settling myself back on the seat and staring at the dish I have prepared. A lot of thoughts clouding my mind again as I felt my eyes being clouded by the tears, and they fell against my cheek, hot and swift. I cried my heart out and plead for him to come home to me because I felt like everything was a repeat of that tragic night and once he came back here from Italy, we are broken again and I will be left picking up my personal pieces. I can't help but sob harder as I lay my head down on the table, wallowing. 

I'm tired and hungry. I think I cannot wait some more for the smell of Chicken Alfredo is making me drool like I haven't eaten from the past twenty-five years of my existence. I have to take a bite out of it at least 

After finishing a plate full of pasta, I keep the leftovers in the fridge so if he ever arrives later at dawn and is hungry, he can feed his foul mouth. I silently wash my plate since we've got no household help for I like to do things on my own. As I wipe the plate, I thought about the possibility of him having an affair. 

Maybe, that is possible. 

He's always been known to have so many mistresses, models here and there. It is only when his father have arranged a marriage for the two of us when he settled down. I always have doubts but he always tried to push it off my mind and gave me a satisfying relationship. Satisfying to the extent of him putting a distance between us and shutting himself in his office while letting me do what I want to do. 

He told me that he will change but it seems like it's all a lie. And now, with the business running in his hand again, he's having nights out where he stayed up late, never giving me the chance to spend time with him. Even on weekends he always has something to do a sorry excuse for him to not go home. 

I wish I didn't hold unto his empty promises. 

I stripped off my clothes and headed inside the bathroom. I remember that night - the night when he came home after the party, drunk out of his mind. I lured him in and let him kiss me. I let him drive me crazy with lust for the desperation in my heart is winning and unexpectedly he reacted to it the same way as I did. He completely blew my head off and took my heart with him. 

I have always wanted a kid right from the moment we married for the baby is the only thing that will make me happy when he's away - a substitute for his very presence. This little snot will look just like him and I'm very sure of that considering that I am missing the devil more and more. 

I caress my tummy and smiled, "Hello there, little Bean. I'm your mommy. I love you, always remember that..." I gaze at my reflection in the mirror and smiled. 

Who knows I can be pregnant without him knowing it? 

Well, not for long at least.