Chapter 4: Distancing

[Nathaniel]

The air around me suddenly felt heavy. I couldn’t breathe.

I turned around. Ready to run. 

“Nathaniel Cladwell! Where are you heading to?” Mr Hick’s voice boomed through the office.

Oh yes. My phone. 

“Sorry, Sir.”

I jogged towards Mr Hicks, ready to get into his office, away from Chris. A detention sounds so much better than being in the same room with him right now. 

Mr Hicks let out an annoyed sigh and returned my phone. Right there and then.

Does he really have to do this here? Right at the office reception counter? In front of Chris?

“Don’t let me catch you using this again.” 

“Yes, Sir.” I quickly took my phone from him and shoved it into my pocket. 

“You have great potential for the college scholarship programme, Nathaniel. Don’t let high school romance affect you and your grades. It’s only day one, and you are behaving like a love-sick puppy. This is your last warning. Get going!” 

Mr Hicks turned to return to the staff office, leaving me with an amused receptionist. 

And Chris. 

He wasn’t flashing that teasing smile that I knew old Chris would when he saw me embarrassed. 

He wasn’t smiling. His expression was unreadable. Maybe a tinge of disappointment? Uncertainty?

I steadied myself and forced a smile. 

“So, Chris. What classes are you having after the break? I could bring you around and then drop you off at your next class .”

Before he could reply, I walked out of the main office faster than I usually would.

“Hey, Nate.”

I heard Chris calling as he caught up behind me. His footsteps felt like thunder in my ears. I ignored him, continuing my way, slipping past students, trying to lose him.  

“Nathaniel.” 

He grabbed my wrist. 

I stopped and turned around. He almost collided into me. 

I wanted so much to scream and ask him why and what he was doing here. 

But with so many students around and the high-profile announcement this morning, it really isn’t the right time and place. 

“Nate, I-” 

Chris wanted to say something, but I cut him off. 

“So, I am not sure where your allocated locker is, but most of us sophomores have our lockers in this hallway.” 

His mouth opened and closed. Before he relented. 

“Yeah, my locker is just right down that aisle."

I nodded and turned away from him, pulling my wrist out of his hands. 

We continue walking as I bring him around the school compound. We kept our conversations transactional, like I was just bringing him, a new student, around. 

But I could see. Chris wanted to talk. He kept looking at me, opening and closing his mouth, while I cut him off every time I sensed he wanted to start the topic. 

We ended the school tour in front of the classroom block. 

“What class are you having in your next period?” 

Chris dug into his bag and took a look at his timetable sheet.

“History.”

Damn. Same class. I turned to walk toward a classroom, opening the door. 

“It’s here.”

We are still 15 minutes from class, and the classroom was empty. I walked towards one of the tables and sat down. Chris followed and pulled the chair, settling down beside me. 

“Are we having the same period?”

“Yes.” 

I took my phone out, intending to ignore him. 

“Nate.” Chris reached out, trying to hold my hand. 

I quickly pulled it away, looking around. The classroom is still empty, with no sign of students coming in.

I let out a heavy sigh and shifted myself to face him. 

“What are you doing here, Chris?”

“As told. I transferred.”

“Across towns? Hundreds of miles from your hometown?”

“Why do you sound angry…”

Angry?  

I wasn’t angry. I just didn’t know how to face him. 

Two years of silence. Two years of me wondering what happened between us. Wondering if he hated me cause he found out what I was. 

I thought about him now and then, but did he remember me? Us?

Then, he appeared like a wrecking ball, acting as if nothing had happened, like we had just met for the first time in the staff office.

As though we didn’t share our childhood days. 

As though we didn’t share a tearful goodbye 4 years ago…

“I transferred via a sports programme. Riverdale is in a bigger city, higher chances for scouting than back home.” Chris explained when he didn’t receive my reply. 

I closed my eyes and lowered my head. This is a mess. 

Why did he have to come right after I decided to accept Clara… 

“Nate…”

If he had appeared earlier… Would anything be different? Would I have the courage to reject Clara?

“You all right, Nate? You look… anxious.”

Chris reached out to pat me on the shoulder.

“I am fine.”

I pushed his hands away lightly and turned away from him. His hands fell limply on the side, and a heavy silence hung between us. 

Chris kept stealing glances at me, and I pretended not to notice, staring at my phone. 

After a while, Chris spoke again. “Nate…”

“What.”

“I saw the photos.”

My head snapped towards him. “What photos?”

“The ones on the bonfire night. It’s circulating in the school. My teammates sent it to me.”

“Yeah, so?”

“The girl is pretty. Are you two really together?”

“Yes, we are. We announced it in the school hallway this morning. It’s official.”

Chris didn’t say anything more after that. He just turned to face the whiteboard, looking down at his hands, picking at them. 

His current reaction, the disbelief in his face that night at the bonfire. Had he wanted it to be something else? 

Don’t read too deep, Nate. 

The memory of the printed photo pinned on my locker door flashed across my head. 

The anonymous sender. The note on the back. A definite threat. Someone knew something.

And Chris is here. Right in school. In the middle of it. Something or someone is going to go down sooner or later. 

“Chris.” My voice sounded loud in the empty classroom. 

He turned, and I looked him in the eyes. 

“Can… can we pretend that we didn’t know each other? Before today?”

Chris didn’t reply immediately. Something passed through his face. Confusion. Then a tinge of sadness. 

He didn’t ask why. 

He looked down at his hands again. His reply was so soft, I would have missed it if not for the quiet classroom. 

“Yeah. Sure.” 

I felt a sudden cold weight in my chest. 

I didn’t want to do this to him. But I needed to. 

For me. For him. For Clara. 

“Ok,” I replied.

I picked up my bag and moved a few tables down from him. 

He didn’t follow this time. We sat in silence until students started streaming in and the bell rang.