Chapter Twenty-three

Celia

The next few days are tense—something is going on. Milos is gone when I wake up, as are his brothers. They are out of the house all day. Only once have his brothers made it home in time for dinner. I don't dare press Milos, who thank god comes to me every night. After that first night I keep my mouth shut, simply enjoying falling asleep in his arms.

Thursday Carina appears at the house in tears. The moment I see her she throws her arms around me. “Sweetie, what's the matter?”

She sobs. “Carlo is making me marry. A guy out of Vegas. Luca is going to stay in Chicago and take over Tony's territory. Luca’s number two is being forced to marry me in exchange for taking over. It's awful. He's so gorgeous. A man like him wants nothing to do with me. He stares at me like he's looking at living bubonic plague. I can't do it.”

Fucking Carlo. I hold her while she cries. It takes more than an hour to calm her down.

“Run away with me,” she begs.

“Oh honey.” I hug her tight. “I can't. I love you so much but I can't.”

“Because you want to marry your man.” Her lower lip trembles.

I nod. I wish to hell things could be different for her. “What about one of Milos’s brothers? They’re in Philadelphia but…”

“No.” She sighs. “I don't want to have to learn Russian. I know you love Milos, but Russians seem so cold.” Her face scrunches up with distaste.

“I know it seems that way, but they aren't really. Milos...” I blush as I think of the change in him over the last few days.

“What’s that blush for?” She sniffles. “Give me good news here. I need something to take my mind off this death sentence.”

Since the living room is open, I drag her with me to the sunroom. Outside everything is taking shape beautifully.

“Ooh, that good. We have to go in the corner.” Carina teases. “I knew it, tell me.”

“Honestly, I just stopped fighting him. Before I did it I thought it was going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. When I let go it wasn’t. Ever since, Milos has been…” I marvel at the change in him. “He’s been…kind of amazing.”

“I don’t understand why you wanted to fight him when you love him. And he’s only ever taken care of you. Everything you told me, except him telling you to leave and never come back, he has taken care of you. Even then it seemed like it. He wanted you badly—guys have a hard time getting their desire under control. The more I thought about it, I think he was telling you to leave because he’d already told you to leave and you didn’t and stayed. He was afraid he wouldn’t stop.” Her eyes shimmer with confusion.

Hearing her say it stings a little. She’s right. “Before him telling me to leave, I probably wouldn’t have. You’re right. He’s only taken care of me. I didn’t see that day the way you did until you just said it. It felt like he was taking me over, not giving me any choice. Fighting felt normal to me. I’ve only ever fought. No one has ever taken care of me before. I thought he was trying to control me, because that's how Carlo was. Ever since I was a kid, I felt like I was fighting. Fighting for attention from Mom, fighting against Carlo for not being the father. I wanted him to be. Fighting for who I wanted to be.”

“Anything but what they wanted us to be.” She sighs.

“I envied you doing the cosplay and doing your own business thing. But I wanted to be normal and blend in. I wanted the life of a civilian. Only that was never going to happen.” I can admit it now, to her and myself.

“One time I asked Nonna why she taught us to pick locks and shoot guns, if she was promising us we would get money to go to school with. She said at some point we have to let go of the life we want and live the life we have. At the time it felt like she was telling me the life I wanted was never going to happen. It made me fight harder for it. She might have been forced into a mafia marriage to a man she didn't love when she was sixteen. But I would be different.”

Her exhale of breath is shaky as our eyes meet. We both know there is no running from our destiny.

“It stung when I sat there in Carlo’s office. I was told I would live the life I had fought against for years. It didn't matter that I was in love with Milos. While he might want me, it was painful to consider living with that lack of love for the rest of my life. There is no divorce in the mafia. Only death would free you, and deep down I knew even if he died, I would never be free of him. He was deep in the marrow of my bones, the blood pumping throughout my body.” I wipe away tears I wasn’t aware were falling.

“But I think he does love you, Celia.” Her words are earnest.

I shake my head sadly. “I don't think so. But I do believe someday he will. In the end, this is who we are. While I was at school, I didn't fit in with them either. This is the world I belong in. We belong in. We wouldn't be happy outside of it. I'm not sure if it's because we've always grown up in it. Maybe our brains became wired differently by what we had as our version of normal.”

It's clear she doesn't like what I'm saying, but I can't help it. As much as I love her, I don't think she'll be happy with a man who isn't stronger than her. They don't come any stronger than mafia. When Carina leaves I have no doubt that no matter what promise she made me, she's going to run. I wish I knew what the hell to do about it.

After dinner that night, the first Milos is able to come home for, he guides me straight upstairs. His brothers tease him about saying he hadn't wanted dessert. Milos, however, doesn't crack a smile.

He guides me into my room, pressing me down on the sofa. “Talk to me. What's going on with you?”

I don’t hesitate. I tell him everything. How I think Carina’s going to run from the marriage and wish there was something I could do for her.

“Do you want her to run? Will you help her if she does?” he asks.

Meeting his eyes. I nod. “I would help her do what she wants to do. If it means running, yes.”

“Has she even considered giving him a chance? Couldn't she look at this as a new and different start away from Carlo and your mother?” He's the pakhan now, weighing pluses and minuses.

Disappointed in him, I shake my head. “The guy looks down on her like she's a freak, Milos.”

That exhale laugh thing. “Kotyonok, you women have no idea what a man is thinking when it comes to you. Her view is tainted by her fears. Carina is a beautiful young woman. No man is going to think she's a freak. He'll be thinking how lucky he is.”

My eyes narrow on him. “You think Carina is beautiful?”

The bastard laughs, pulling me into his lap. “You're gorgeous. You make my cock hard just thinking of you. Your sister looks a lot like you. She isn't you though.”

I push away, looking down on him. “Keep talking.”

A hand goes into my hair. I love when he does that almost as much as when he wraps his hand around my throat. “Your sister is too short. You are the perfect size. I love the way your body fits against mine. Your breasts are perfect and your cunt was made for my cock.”

His other hand goes under my dress, pulling my panties to the side. He finds me wet for him. “I told you, made for me.”

I get his shirt open as I rise to give him room to undo his pants.

“Guide me inside you,” he orders.

He loves when I do this. I love it too. Gripping him tight, in awe of how large he is. Yet how perfectly he fits inside me. I stroke him once, twice, then lower myself onto him. Last night he taught me how to ride him for pleasure, and I’ve fallen in love with this position as much as he has.

Nimble fingers get my dress and bra off. He sucks deep on a nipple. When he draws his teeth over it, I want to scream from the pleasure-pain he causes. He plays my body like a maestro. Even though this is the position he likes the most to fuck me leisurely in, I'm greedy for more. Yellow glows up at me as I ride him. He grabs my neck and pulls me to with inches of his lips, our eyes fucking as heatedly as our bodies.

“You’re so fucking sexy, riding me like a slut. Taking my cock like it was made for you.” Rough fingers pinch my nipple until I want to cry. Even as I clench tight around him, loving the pain, unable to keep riding him, grinding on him.

“You love it, don't you, malyshka? Your cunt creams from the pain. You mewl like my precious kitten. Come for me, malyshka. Drench me in your cream so I can fill you full of my seed. You love my seed inside you. Your cunt squeezes me so fucking tight, milking me for every last drop.” His smoky voice winds around me, tightening until I can't breathe.

Words aren't possible. Nothing but doing exactly what he demands is. I plunge down, hitting the waves of pleasure and going under. I'm still floating when I feel him come inside me, so hot, so wet. Every time he slams as deep as he can then fills me with his come, sending me through another small orgasm at how amazing it feels.

There is no doubt if I hadn't taken the birth control shot, as often as he fills me with his come I would be pregnant. If I'm honest, there were a few times as he whispered those dirty words of how he was breeding me, how he couldn't wait until I was pregnant, that I wished I hadn't taken the shot.

When it happens I tell myself it's a good thing. The longer I'm not pregnant the longer Milos will try. It might be less than a week since he first entered me, telling me I would mold to him, but I have. My body will take him and only him until my last day. If I can mold to his cock then hopefully sooner than the ninety days of the shot, his heart will mold to mine.

While I love making love with him, this part, the end when he holds me close while he stays inside me is what I love the most. Our breathing slows, our heartbeats even seem to be in sync we’re so connected. Feeling his heartbeat deep inside me is the most perfect thing to fall asleep to.

He presses a gentle kiss to my temple.

“Milos?” I keep my face buried in his neck, not able to meet his eye.

“Hm.”

“Why didn't you let women touch you? Look in their eyes. Why did you make those rules?” I hold my breath, praying he doesn't walk away.

“I told you, it was a way of keeping them separate from me. I didn't want them getting any ideas we would be a couple, have a relationship. They were there to fulfill a need and that was it.” His hand is running through my hair, stroking it without thought.

“But why? Did you really never want a relationship?” I need to know why he's different with me.

He sighs. “The first woman I ever fucked used me in place of my father. It left me with…I don’t know. She was my mother's best friend. I was fifteen to her thirty-eight.”

“Fifteen?” I try to push away from him.

Milos chuckles, holding me tight and kissing me deep. “I was a horny little shit since I was fourteen. We were taking advantage of each other. At the same time, she wanted all of it—holding hands, kissing, cuddling. I was willing to do whatever the hell she wanted so she would keep sucking my cock and let me fuck her. It lasted almost a year. Then she called me by my father's name. The first time she played it off. When she did it again, I got it out of her. I look just like my father except he has blue eyes. She loved him and couldn't have him, so she took me.”

“What a fucking bitch.” I exhale in shock.

A broad shoulder lifts. “After that it wasn’t much better. So many women were wannabe p**n stars. Exaggerated moans and hands everywhere. They couldn't hide their feelings in their eyes, though. It was almost worse when they thought they were in love with me. I decided no more playing by rules that were only there for the both of you to feel like it's something more than it is—sex. It’s as necessary as eating, so why make such a big deal out of it?”

I can't help feeling there's something he isn't telling me. “But you didn't want that with me?” I run a finger over the Roman numerals on his chest. I wanted to ask him about it. I keep meaning to look it up, to see what they are. But I forget the moment he's away from me.

“No.” Just one word.

I take a deep breath. “Why?”

He sighs. “Celia, can you please accept this marriage can be a happy one without all the drama and emotional turmoil of a thing that’s called love, but is no more than a hormone that occurs to keep a mother from harming her children and men and women doing absurd things for a partner? The hormone will dissipate over time. Respect and genuine affection will not. I care deeply for you. I want to make you happy. There is nothing you will want for. Everything you need, I will give you.”

Blinking back tears, I don't dare lift my head from his shoulder. Everything but his love. I will not let him see how much it hurts when he's telling me everything I feared. Carina was wrong.

His phone rings, he sits up. Three words are all that is said, too fast for me to catch in Russian. Milos cuts the call then lifts me off him. The moment he does I feel empty without him inside me.

“I have to go. I'm not sure if I'll be home tonight. I might need to sleep in the city.”

Before I can say another word, he's gone. Sighing, I let my head fall to the sofa, wondering if all the pain the future promises without his love is worth it.