Hard Truths

Chapter 7

We shut the door behind us and made sure to lock it, even though we knew nothing was going to happen. It was the closest we had been in the short time we have been together, and again, it was ruined. We sat on my bed in silence, then Deacon filled the silence, “well, that was very awkward,” he sighed. I consoled him by putting my hand over his.

“It's okay Deacon, do you know how many times I've caught all of them with their boyfriends, side pieces, and friends with buddies,” I said, trying to make him feel better. It relieved the tension I could feel in the air, and his shoulders relaxed as well. He squeezed my hand to reassure me.

We laid back on the bed and entangled ourselves in each other and talked some more. I asked him if there was anything I didn’t know about him, and answered his questions in return. I asked about his family, and I could tell that it was a touchy subject. “Deacon, what is it,” I asked, as he shifted.

He paused for a moment, sighed, then rolled over to me, “I know I told you that I come from money, but that’s not true,” he started. My eyes widened as I thought, ‘is he actually a killer?’ He reassured me, “I was adopted as a baby to a family that had already had a child and couldn’t safely have anymore, and they were very wealthy.” It wasn’t as bad as I thought, but I could tell it bothered him.

“Are you at least close to your family, do they treat you well,” I asked, tenderly.

“Oh, they’re wonderful, I love them all… even my ‘brother’, who doesn’t really like me all that much, because someone got into his head and told him that ‘our parents wanted me and they were stuck with him’. I tell him all the time that it's not true, and that our parents just wanted him to have someone to play with,” he explained. He furrowed his brow like he was thinking about something.

“Everything okay over there,”I asked, waving my hand in front of his face. He nodded, but didn’t relax his face, so I just let it go. We continued to get to know each other, and talk about some fun stuff to get into, like the summer fair that was due any week. He talked more about his family, and how they wanted his older brother to visit him. He said that they told him, ‘we would like you and your brother to finally get along like you guys used to.’

We spent most of the day talking and running our fingers all across each other’s bodies, sending tingles all throughout ourselves. It was almost like we had forgotten about our intimate moment hours before. As noon turned into night, we started getting hungry. He had offered to order a dinner delivery service to the house, so that we didn’t have to leave, and I obliged. We ate our food, then discovered that we were tired from talking all day.

I slipped into a cute nightgown the girls had placed in my closet one summer as a joke, so that I would be ready when the time was right. Clearly, we had reached the time for me to pull it out and put it on. Deacon changed into something a little more comfortable as well, at least, until we actually went to bed. At that point he would take off the shorts he was wearing, then climb into bed. Once I could tell that he went to sleep, I turned off my bedside lamp, and rolled into him so that we would fit together like a puzzle piece. Then off to sleep I went.

~

2 weeks later

~

“Deacon, you can’t just take me out for a date anytime one of the girls says something about how we’ll get bored of each other,” I said, annoyed. Everyday since we were caught by the closet and the couch the girls have been teasing us about how the fun stage will pass, we’ll get complacent, and will be over each other before summer is over. Somehow, he got it in his head that it meant we had to fill our days with fun or dates in order to keep me interested. I was at my breaking point.

I reminded him his brother would be visiting in a few days, and he would have to be back at his house to spend time with his brother. Everytime I brought it up, he would roll his eyes and groan. If anything was going to get in the way of us it was going to be his incessant need to keep me interested and blow off the fact that he needed to spend time with his family. I could tell we were getting on each other’s nerves, because everytime he tried to make a move on me, I would bring up his brother visiting.

It always seemed to ruin the moment, but I really just needed Deacon to slow down. I hadn’t exactly told him that I was a virgin, and lucky my body responded to his touch in just the right way that he didn’t know that I was one either. I wanted so badly to go all the way with him, but I didn’t want to give in if he was only in it for my body. It was the main reason I stayed away from boys in the first place.

I still really liked him - I just don’t know if I would be ready for that level of a relationship. I’ve seen how it hurt both of my parents in the long run, and even Sadie wasn’t happy sleeping around. The only real issue is I don’t really know how to talk to Deacon about how I feel about this. ‘Maybe I’ll talk to one of the girls about this later,’ I thought to myself.

After a lot of contemplation, and going back and forth, I left my room - where Deacon was and went to go talk to Jessie. Jessie has been in a long term relationship almost the whole four years we’ve been in college. Deacon called after me, but I ignored him, as I went down the hallway to Jessie’s room. I knocked quietly, twice, then waited patiently until she answered.

Her door swung open, and she was beaming at me from the other side. “I knew you would come to me first when you got your first ‘boyfriend,’” she dug at me, which caused me to make a sour face. It was like they were taking bets on if my relationship would crumble. Jessie saw how I was feeling and her facial expression dropped. I stepped through her door into her room with my head down, because I felt embarrassed that my first real relationship - if you could call it that - was going down in flames.

She sat me down on her bed and I told her all my worries and concerns about being with Deacon and possibly having my first time with him. At first, she sat silently, then she perked up again, and began giving some really good advice. “Don’t change what you believe in just to feel accepted,” she said, and I knew she must have gotten that from some cheesy romance and relationships website. Nevertheless, it still comforted me.

What I thought would take hours of talking only took about fifteen minutes. I hugged Jessie, then I left her room to go back to my room. I sat down on the bed, looked at Deacon, then patted his leg. “Deacon, we need to talk,” I said quietly.