Fault

— This was my father's fault. He knew she couldn't have another child, but he didn't take enough precautions to prevent it, or I can't even guarantee he didn't do it on purpose. As much as I am right, he blames me fiercely.

I finally understood why he's been avoiding me since all this happened. Was he afraid of what could happen to me? Afraid that I might get pregnant by him, that I might go through the same thing his mother went through.

— I hoped not to be a monster, but about 5 and a half years ago, that's when I started changing. Usually, when a pure-blood is born, you feel the change between 16 and 17 years old. So, I thought I was free from the curse because when I turned 18, I didn't feel any change in me. However, it was when I was 19 that everything changed.

He drank another glass of sake all at once, it seemed he would get drunk before he could tell me everything. I, on the other hand, had stopped drinking, or I would soon be completely drunk there. I didn't want to fall asleep there before I knew the outcome.

— Were we together for two years?

We had been dating since high school, and our relationship was lasting. We were everything to each other. While our friends came and went with other people, we were preparing for a future together.

— Yes, in the first year, I could hide it. After all, it takes time to transform. But my father didn't take long to notice. My body had changed: my size, my behavior, especially around you. He noticed that I had become more jealous and possessive of you. I apologize for that.

Our eyes met. He was a jealous man, but he had never been rude or crossed the line with me. So, there was nothing to apologize for.

— I didn't want to let you go. I could control myself, or at least I thought I could. However, every time we were together, I felt an insane desire to have you. I couldn't satisfy that desire anymore in my human form. Until one day it happened. While you had your back to me, moving in a way you didn't want to stop, my body heated up too much. My heartbeat went out of control.

He stopped suddenly, took a sip of his drink, I knew he wanted to clarify things for me, keep me informed about that time when everything became so confusing for me. Things like the cold January baths.

—I managed to control the transformation, but I couldn't control that strange and primal instinct to enter you forcefully.

I widened my eyes, letting my mouth open slightly. God, I remembered that day. It was our day to celebrate my admission to my dream fashion school. After two years of struggling to leave medicine, as my parents had made sure to ruin any attempt to get into any fashion school, the best and most prestigious in the city accepted me with a 70% scholarship since I hadn't applied before classes started.

— I don't know if I did it on purpose, but of course, I did. I couldn't contain it. That's why I wanted to distance myself from you. Still, I tried to continue our relationship.

— It was the day you held me and thrust forcefully, almost making me cry!

He lifted his face, looking at the ceiling. His sigh caught my attention. His slightly parted lips made me want to kiss him, but I couldn't. Not after what he had done.

— When you started to pull away and act strangely, I thought it was because you were with someone else, but I didn't know how to break up with me.

I looked at him, I could see his face tilting to the side. He looked at me, staring intensely. His eyes slid to my mouth. I could see the smile, I knew he would find it amusing. But what could I think? I definitely couldn't imagine he was a wolf.

— Do you want to know when was the first time I transformed?

I nodded affirmatively. It seemed like he had read my curious mind. He took another glass of sake before continuing. I was starting to wonder if he wasn't going to get drunk.

— In the early hours, like that day, your scent is insane, it really drives me crazy, I ran kilometers away from you, still, I felt, fighting against that was really hard. I managed to avoid the transformation for a while, but the more I pulled away, the worse I got, I couldn't avoid it anymore. Sometimes I think I almost went after you.

What would have happened if he had come after me? Would he have hurt me? No, but I didn't know if I would have reacted as well as the first time I saw him. I sighed. I really didn't know what I would do.

— You must have heard in books and movies that wolves transform only on full moon nights, right? That's not a myth. This rule applies to everyone except me.

Logan turned the chair, facing me. He leaned on the chair, elbows on the table, staring at me intently. I hadn't noticed this until now. The full moon had passed a few days ago, so that day, a month ago, wasn't a full moon.

— I can transform whenever I want. This has its pros and cons. The pros are that I don't need the full moon to transform. I have some control over my monstrous side, and I still have consciousness. I can discern right from wrong. Now, the cons: anger can transform me at any time. I'm not the calmest person in the world, and you affect both my sides, the human and the wolf. Believe me, these personalities are different.

—Oh, too bad for me.

I let out, seeing an unfriendly look from him, I wanted to smile, but nothing came out but my irregular breath. I should seek help, but what could I do if I loved him anyway?

— Olivia...

Before he could continue, I stood up. I didn't want to hear that talk again, that ending what we had would be best for both of us. Because I was just as involved now as before. Now I knew the truth. I couldn't let the man I loved run away out of fear. I approached him, not seeing a negative reaction. Swung my leg over him, and Logan backed away to give space on his lap.

— I said I wouldn't touch you. We agreed on that.

— You agreed. I didn't say anything.

— I thought you were angry with me.

I sighed, unfortunately, the anger never lasted long. It was just a matter of seeing that smile, and I melted completely. Now everything was a mess. Something told me I shouldn't leave things confusing between us.

— Do you know what I am, Liv?

This question had more meanings than I could imagine. Logan was stuck in a state, I couldn't comprehend how he felt. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't understand.

— A wolf?

I replied uncertainly. I couldn't say for sure if he was just that. Because when I first saw him, he seemed more majestic and dangerous than a simple wolf.

—I'm a monster, a killer, and I like it. It doesn't matter to me to kill whoever gets in my way to my goal. Everything is pleasurable for me. But when I look at you,

I don't feel deserving of you.

My heart was pounding in my chest. His eyes were now glowing red. Why did that color suit him so well? I felt when he stood up with me, put me on the table. His hands went to my face, holding it firmly.

— I'm not the hero of this story, Olivia. I'm the villain. The guy who's going to ruin everything. I don't want you to be trapped with me when the consequences come.

— I don't mind. I want to be with you.

— Damn it, Olivia! I'm not the damn knight in shining armor. I'm the monster he hunts.

He sighed in frustration. I wanted to be afraid of him, but I couldn't. He had been as kind to me that night as on our first time. I couldn't see him as a threat because he wasn't, I didn't care if he had killed or would kill again. That was sick, I knew that, but I knew Logan would never take the life of an innocent. If that's how he saw things, if he thought he was the villain and the killer, I would become even more attached to him, so that Logan could share his sins with me, I would support him in some way. If he saw himself as the villain of this story, then I would be his villain.

— You have to understand, if they find out that you and I are together, you'll always be in danger with me. I can't let that happen. You'd be hunted because of me.

— I don't want a prince, Logan. I want someone who's willing to destroy everything for me. That's why I've always preferred villains. I want to be by your side, one way or another.

His eyes glowed scarlet, I felt my body heat up near him. He got even closer. I could already feel his breath touching my skin, I could feel the heat emanating intensely. But he suddenly pulled away, put his hands to his head, pulling his own hair, Logan was resisting again.

—I promise I won't disappear again. I'll be back later. Now I can't give in to you or to this. I can't hurt you. Damn it, I love you.

I held my breath, hearing that suddenly, I saw him take a step back, I reached out trying to reach him, but he was faster than I could react, when I realized it, he had already left the kitchen, when I finally got up, I could hear the door slam loudly, he was too fast for me.