Chapter 4: The Walk

The door slammed behind me.

The sound echoed louder than it should have, or maybe everything just felt louder.

I didn’t stop to look back. I just continued over the parking space and out to the street. As I got further away from the house, the music started to fade, slowly swallowed by the quiet of the street, until it was completely gone.

The cold air hit my face. It was sharp and unforgiving, but nonetheless good.

“I deserve that,” a voice in my head whispered.

I didn’t even know where that thought came from, but I didn’t fight it.

I just kept walking, one step at the time.

My chest felt tight, almost unbearably so, but I refused to let myself cry, not yet.

If I did, I wasn’t sure, I would be able to stop again.

My hands were shaking, as I shoved them into my sleeves on the thin cardigan I had put over my dress, gripping the fabric like it would be able to hold me together.

“He didn’t even..”

My voice broke, as I stopped to look around me.

The street was dark and empty, and the silence was just too much.

“He didn’t even hesitate,” I whispered.

That was the part that hurt me the most. Not just that he had cheated, but how easy it had looked.

Natural, like I had never really been part of the equation at all.

A laugh slipped out. It was soft and unsteady.

“Almost a year,” I said to no one.

A year of firsts.

First boyfriend. First real kiss. First time trusting someone like that, and I was going to...

I squeezed my eyes shut.

“God, I’m so stupid.”

The word lingered because it wasn’t unfamiliar to me.

This time it just felt louder, and heavier.

The Phone

I reached for my phone without thinking.

A stupid habit of false comfort, that I felt the need to hold onto, but as I did, the screen immediately lit up, and a message covered the screen.

Tyler calling…

I stared at it, just watching it ring, as my thumb was hovering over the screen, while I was arguing with myself whether I should answer or not.

No. Finally, I declined the call. Immediately after, another came in, and then another.

My chest tightened again.

“Stop,” I whispered, as if he would somehow hear me.

Then my screen lit up with a text from Tyler.

Please just talk to me

Then another one.

It’s not what it looked like

A broken laugh escaped me.

“Really?” I said out loud, because I was pretty sure it looked exactly like what it was, and I would never be able to unsee it again.

Another message lit the screen.

Julia, please

My vision blurred.

I wasn’t sure if it was tears or just everything catching up at once.

“I can’t,” I whispered, not sure if I was talking to him or myself.

Then the battery icon flashed red.

1%.

Great.

“Seriously?” I muttered.

The universe seemed to have a bad sense of humor, or maybe it was just consistent.

I stared at the screen for a second longer, before it died.

Then the screen turned black, and then all there was left was silence, but it felt different this time.

It was heavier, and more final.

Where To Go

I stopped walking again because I had to think, and thinking suddenly felt like something impossible.

“No phone,” I said slowly. “No ride.”

I had no plan, and no idea what to do next.

I looked around once again.

The street stretched in both directions, equally empty.

I could go back, but just the thought was more unbearable, then staying out on the streets alone.

It sent a sharp, immediate pain through my chest, just thinking about the possibility of turning around.

“No.”

The word came out stronger than anything else I had said all night.

I was not going back there.

Not to him.

Not to that house.

Not to those people who definitely saw everything.

My stomach twisted.

“They all saw it,” I whispered.

Of course, they did. That kind of thing didn’t stay private.

Not in a place like that, with people like...

I cut the thought off because if I followed it, I would spiral, and I couldn’t afford that.

Then I hugged my arms around myself tightly.

“Think, Julia. Just think.”

Home was too far. Laila’s too. I would have to walk across town, alone, in the middle of the night.

I swallowed a lump in my throat, as reality started to settle in.

Walking around like that was not ideal, not safe, but then a memory surfaced.

It was casual, almost irrelevant at the time, but relevant, nonetheless.

“Just down that road,” Tyler had said once, pointing vaguely out a car window.

“That's where my uncle lives.”

I blinked.

His uncle, Gabriel.

The name settled into my mind slowly.

He lived close by, walking distance even. That much I remembered, and then suddenly, the idea felt possible.

It wasn’t perfect or comfortable, but it was possible.

“He seemed nice,” I murmured, trying to convince myself.

Calm. Polite. Safe. Yes, safe, that was the word, and that moment, it was all I needed.

Overthinking

The walk felt longer than it should have, or maybe I was just more aware of everything.

Every sound. Every shadow. Every passing car that slowed down just slightly before continuing.

I kept my head down, and my pace steady.

“Just a little further,” I whispered to myself.

My feet started to hurt, while my throat started tying knots on itself. Once again, I was reminded of what I was doing there, and why, and this time there was nothing left to distract me from it.

No messages. No noises. No... Anything.

Just my thoughts, too many of them.

“Was I not enough?”

The question slipped out before I could stop it, and I hated it, but it didn’t go away. It continued to linger. Repeating itself, louder each time.

“She’s prettier.”

“She’s more confident.”

“She’s...”

“Stop,” I said out loud. It came out sharp, slightly echoing in the empty street.

I inhaled slowly, then exhaled.

“Just get there,” I told myself.

“Just get somewhere safe.”