Chapter 3

At eight the next morning, a shrill alarm exploded beside my pillow.

I jolted upright in bed.

I stared at the alarm on my phone screen, gasping for breath.

What was I supposed to do?

Why had I set this alarm?

It had to be something important!

I tugged desperately at my hair, trying to chase the eraser away.

But my mind was wiped clean. There was nothing there.

I was so anxious that tears kept falling, but all I could do was sit dazed on the edge of the bed.

At eleven thirty, Mom came home from work.

As she changed her shoes, she shouted toward Emma's room, "Emma, sweetheart! Did you submit your applications?"

Emma's groggy, just-woke-up voice came from her bedroom, followed by a scream.

"Oh no! I'm dead! Lily didn't wake me up!"

Mom stormed into my room like a madwoman.

Smack!

The slap knocked me to the floor. My ears rang.

"Lily! You did that on purpose, didn't you?!

"You turned in a blank test and ruined your own future, so now you want to drag your sister down with you!"

Mom pointed a finger at my nose, shaking with rage.

I held my cheek and stared at her blankly.

Applications...

I remembered now.

At eight this morning, I was supposed to wake Emma up so she could submit her applications.

The sentence I'd repeated ten thousand times had been erased anyway.

The apartment descended into chaos.

Caleb burst through the door, drenched in sweat.

He shoved the crying Emma aside, grabbed the mouse, and clicked furiously.

11:59.

The page froze for a few seconds, then finally displayed: "Submission successful."

The whole family collapsed into their chairs.

I huddled in the corner and quietly let out a breath.

Thank goodness. I hadn't ruined things for Emma.

That night, I was sent to bed without dinner.

Hunger cramped my stomach as I curled up in bed.

This couldn't go on.

I was too stupid. My brain was broken.

I had to find a way to make myself less stupid.

I rummaged through my drawers and dug out a palm-sized notebook and a pen.

Whenever they said anything, I'd write it down right away and carry the notebook with me.

That way, I'd never make another mistake.

Holding the notebook, I tiptoed out of my room.

I wanted to apologize to Mom.

"Mom..."

Mom was sitting on the couch, rubbing her temples. At the sound of my voice, she turned her head in disgust.

"Shut up. Don't bother me. Just hearing you talk gives me a headache."

I shut my mouth at once.

I lowered my head and carefully wrote in the notebook: "Mom doesn't like hearing me talk. I have to keep my mouth shut from now on."

Caleb came out of the kitchen with a glass of water.

He shot me a cold glance.

"Today, the relatives asked which schools you applied to. I was too embarrassed to tell them.

"You're an embarrassment. I really wish you weren't my sister."

I nodded and stepped back to clear the way.

Then I turned to a new page and wrote, letter by careful letter: "Caleb wishes I didn't exist. Try not to let him see me."

When I was done, I tucked the notebook into my pocket, close to my body.

That evening, the smell of dinner drifted from the dining room.

I was so hungry I couldn't stand it, so I crept to the corner of the hallway.

Jason was there too, filling Emma's plate.

He glanced up, saw me, and frowned.

"Lily, how long are you going to keep sulking? Come apologize to your mom and eat with us."

My stomach growled. I was just about to open my mouth and say I was sorry.

But my fingers brushed the hard notebook in my pocket.

"Mom doesn't like hearing me talk."

"Try not to let Caleb see me."

I pressed my lips tightly shut again.

Then I lowered my head and silently retreated into my dark room.

Behind me, I heard Jason's disappointed voice.

"See, Mrs. Carter? She won't even say sorry anymore. Nothing gets through to her."

Time slipped by like that as I kept writing everything down.

The notebook filled with more and more words.

A few months later, it was time for Emma to leave for college.