The Devil In Therapy

ELIAN

“Thank you, Dr. Moore” The patient in front of me wiped at his eyes with a handkerchief.

“Oh, it’s fine. I am glad I was able to contribute to your healing, congratulations on completing your therapy plan” I said to the man as he nodded at me, too emotional to answer me as he walked out of my office.

I heaved out a sigh, my alarm ringing for my scheduled Chai tea time. I had just two hours left before I had the next patient walk in.

I loved making sure everything was planned ahead to avoid me again triggered unnecessarily.

Speaking of planning, the image of my wedding invitations still lodged inside of my drawer instead of been with my coworkers had me dropping my cup of tea.

It wasn’t as if I didn’t want to give the invitation to them, I just didn’t…I was overthinking it again.

I grabbed my car key, standing to my feet; I would get it now since the wedding was in two days’ time already.

I walked out of my office, walking past the elevator to take the stairs. Once I was in the car, I tried calling Leah as she was down with some sort of flu.

I started my car after trying her number for the second time. As I drove towards the street leading to my home, I couldn’t help but think about how…unbothered I was about the wedding.

It wasn’t that I didn’t love my fiancé, I adored her. But I couldn’t help but feel…bored. It felt like something was missing.

Being bored was the last thing I wanted to feel, it made me feel as if I was running out of air before I could even breathe.

I could feel my thoughts floating away before I could even decipher what they were. I slowed down the car, parking it at a curb.

I let out a long exhale, my fingernails creating crescent shapes into my palms. The pain grounded me, my head settling once more.

I peered open my eyes, my hands wrapping around the wheel. I couldn’t keep having episodes like these just before the wedding.

Stifling myself against the overwhelming feeling of boredom, I zoomed the car down the street.

***

I pushed open the door, my face scrunching up with a frown as it gave way under the weight of my hand.

Why had Leah left the door opened? “Leah?” I called out as I walked into the kitchen. It was very unlike her to do something like this.

Unless…did she somehow had a fall in the bathroom? My heart sank at the thought as panic fueled my steps up the stairs leading to the bedroom.

“Leah, are you okay?!” I pushed open the door, ready to save my fiancé from untimely death when I noticed the forms on the bed.

“E-Elian! W-What are you doing here?” Leah asked, scrambling off the man she had been riding just few seconds before I barged into the room.

Our bedroom. Our bed. Where we had decided what we wanted for our marriage and our entire lives.

“I-It isn’t what you think, man” Collins declared, wrapping the sheets around his hips.

I simply walked out of the room, blood swooshing in my ears as I came to terms with the scene I had witnessed in the room.

The woman of my dreams, the only woman I trusted had just cheated on me with another man.

“Wait, Elian. I-I…” Leah stutters as she runs after me, a bathrobe thrown over her body.

“Why? What did I do to…?” I ask, my voice fading away with pain. She knew better than to do that to me, not with everything I had shared with her.

Her facial expression changed then, almost as if she didn’t care what I thought anymore.

“Do you know you have been so reserved and distant for the past few weeks? And then you think I would still be here? Waiting for you?”

I couldn’t bring myself to ask her how what she said was in anyway correlating with what was going on.

“You know that is just an excuse, I hope you have a great life with Collins” I stated out, feeling suddenly tired.

She yelled something at me then, her eyes brimming with tears even though I was the one who had my heart ripped out of place.

I moved then, my body going numb with the on slaughter of emotions that raided my insides all at once.

“I would come back to get my stuffs later” I said to her through the rush of blood in my ears.

“Just so you know, I have always felt alone even when I was with you!” She spat at me as tears dripped down her face.

My head reeled at her statement, my legs almost giving up on me as I stumbled to my car, itching to get away from her before I broke down completely.

As I zoomed away from the house, I could see Leah squatting before the door way, her hands covering her face.

I could swear the echoes of her cries reached me in the car but I knew that wasn’t possible, I was just…

I wonder when it started between them. Was it that time at the club when they were dancing together and had their hands all over each other?

Or was it when they had that meeting thing going on at their work place? Several images and thoughts of when their affair had truly started ran through my mind incessantly.

I got back to the hospital disoriented, my mind far from the building. I answered my last patient for the day with a lackluster session.

I couldn’t explain how I got to the bar or how I got smashed, the whole world was nothing but a huge blur until I felt a big palm rest on my shoulder.

“Do you mind some company?” A raspy voice rumbled into my ear. I shook off the person’s hand, ignoring the way I buzzed with awareness at his presence close to me.

Just then, an ad popped onto my screen on the table, my eyes scanning the shirtless man displayed on the ad.

I needed a distraction, something to make me forget about the reality of my life; what better way to do that than explore my sexuality even if it would be the one and only time.