Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

I can almost taste him controlling himself not to kiss or touch me more than as what he had at the moment. He rubbed his cheek against mine very slowly.

I stared up at the ceiling trying to figure out what should I do next.

"Then stop. Stop this if it's making you do bad things. If it's making you bad, just stop", my eyes never left the ceiling as I breathed those words for his ears only.

He stopped rubbing his cheek and leveled his face on me. I courageously met his stone-cold eyes. Deep blue like the ocean we used to stay for summer vacation. So blue that every time I stare at them, I can feel myself drown on his depth. So deep that it can swallow me whole to the point of not being able to get one's self back on the surface.

He ran a finger on my face. Roaming his eyes with it.

" Stop?", he asked. "I can't"

"Why?"

"Because I can't"

I tensed up when he started to run his fingers on my shoulder and arm. My breath hitched and the hair on the back of my neck stood high.

"You see, I can't let you go", his smiles looked innocent but it wasn't at the same time.

" Why?"

"Don't ask me", he stopped and held my hand. He brought it to his mouth and kissed it softly. He inhaled my scent from my knuckles.

" I said don't ask", his eyes closed as if he's cherishing every hint of smell I have.

"You smell like strawberries and like spring and like vanilla..."

"Sebastian", cutting off his enchantment, I tried to pull my hand out of his own. Key word-tried.

" Don't talk"

"Don't tell me what to do"

"I said, don't talk, Trish", a warning clearly rang out of his words.

But I want him to stop this. I want him to just stop so I continue calling his name.

" Seba----"

"I SAID DON'T TALK!!!", he shouted gripping my hand so hard that I thought he broke my fingers. I flinched.

He finally took a few steps backwards and he gripped his hair then run a hand on his face as if he's furiously frustrated, well, clearly, that he was.

" Don't ask me to stop 'cause I'm not going to stop, okay?", then a laugh escaped his mouth and it sounded so crazy.

"I'm not going to stop until I have you, okay, love? You see, you were mine before and you still are. If you want a chase then I’ll give it to you thousand times more. I’ll never stop chasing" But I remained silent just completely staring at him.

"Why can't you understand? I can't be with you?" I began to feel frustrated. I'm beginning to feel exhausted making him understand of what can't be.

He raised a brow on me as if challenging my point on my words. "Why?"

Why? Yes, Trisha, why can't you be with him?

Just because.

Seriously?

Because what we feel about one another is definitely not love. Why? Because it's destructive. It can destroy us and we are not good for one another. I explained to myself.

"Why?", he repeated waiting impatiently for my answer.

" B-b-because... I-I-I-I d-d-don't....", I stammered feeling the unfamiliar weight on my chest.

"Don't what?"

I took a deep breath and finally said, "Because I don't love you", my eyes burned from the tears that wanted to fall but I held them back.

Silence surrounded us. Dead silence. My eyes were fixed on the floor because I can't stand looking at him while I lie.

Then, for the second time, he laughed.

He laughed evilly and I looked at him pissed.

What does he find funny? I hate it when he's making fun of me and of my feelings.

The devil is back.

" You don't love me?", not trusting myself to speak, I firmly nodded my head yes.

I gulped a lump on my throat and kept my face blank to mask all the emotions I could possibly reveal.

"I don't care if you don't love me, honey", he grinned.

I gasped in shock and left my mouth open an inch for a good second.

" What?", I asked in disbelief.

He rolled his eyes and said ," I said, it doesn't matter if you love me or not. I do not care if you love me or not, sweetheart", and I continued gaping in disbelief.

"You see, as long as you're mine, then I don't care at all", he stated as a matter of fact.

" You can't do that. That’s wrong.", my voice almost broke. The only thing on my mind now is, if he does not care about me loving him, does it mean he also wouldn't care about how I feel?

"Yes, I can! No one can ever have you even if it's the man you love", he said the last three words with distaste.

I wanted to laugh this time. The man I love? If he only knew but then I can't let him know.

" And what will you do?", I mocked though the insides of me were still in a little shock.

"Like I said, I'll ruin them. All those who are going to stand in my way, they'll be dead before they know it. They're done for", he proudly claimed.

" As if you can"

"You wanna bet? You being the prize? How I love that"

"As if! You can't make me yours! How many times do I have to tell you that we were done? Long ago"

"We'll see. Do your best. Resist, love because I really love a good challenge. Do you best because I'm as sure as hell I'm gonna do my worst", tensing up, I walked out of the room leaving him with his victorious smile.

I looked back at him as I stepped out of the room and he waved me goodbye.

I need to win.

******************************************************

"I'm sorry, Ms. Aycliffe", the old man's voice held sentiments and regret when we finally ended our discussion about his upcoming investment on our company. I already presented my ideas on the new project. He said it was perfect but he can't help me a lot.

" No, it's okay. I understand, Mr. Collington", I forced a smile. He explained things as to why it would be impossible for him to help me but on the great annoyance I felt, I can't understand a damn thing.

He already said no so why would listen to explanations? It's over. He can't help me as simple as that. And I am not one to prolong things.

We shook hands and said our goodbyes. Sitting alone on my corner of the coffee shop, my phone buzzed on the table.

William calling.... My screen flashed.

A small smile crept on my face as I answer the call.

"Hello, stranger", he sung.

" Hello to you, too, handsome", sipping my hot choco, I stared outside the window.

"So... What are you up to these past few days? I haven't heard you since the last time we went out and I personally met Christian"

"Christian?", I repeated the name as I tried to recall the person.

" Yes, Christian. You know, the bastard who poured the bloody wine on me?", I imagined him rolling his eyes on the idea of what happened and it dawned to me just 'who' we are talking about.

I laughed.

"Really? It's Sebastian not Christian"

"Urgh! That's the same!", he argued

I shook my head on his stubbornness.

" Will, that's low. Purposely calling him with other name?"

"I sincerely forgot his name", he continued his bickering.

" Anyways, I heard the problem", the voice he used changed from being playful to a serious one. 

I felt a familiar sting on my eyes as I've tried to take deep breaths to stop myself from blubbering unnecessary details.

"Yeah, it's been quite difficult for us", I quietly said. I heard him sigh on the other end of the line..

" I'll help. Just say so. I'll anything to help you", he almost sounded so desperate. A warm feeling filled my insides. I know why he's been desperate to help. I know. I am not blind or insensitive as to not feel and see what he wants. What he feels.

I know he loves me. More than a friend and it's sad to feel this way. I can't feel the same even if I've wanted to for so long.

I sincerely wanted to reciprocate whatever feeling he has for me. But I can't and he knows that. 

Nothing has been said between the two of us. We never talk about those things but strangely, we know.

"I know and thank you but I can still do it. I'm surviving this", putting a little glint of cheerfulness on my words, I tried to reassure him. He's one of the persons I never wanted to worry too much about me.

" But....", he's having a battle with himself, I know.

"Will", making my voice as soft as the blueberry cake I have on the table and as sweet as it was, I tried to make him understand.

His loud intake of breath and sigh was so clear.

" Okay, okay. But promise me that you'll come to me when the matter comes to worst"

"Yeah, yeah"

We talked about some other things about the past days we didn't see each other but I can't bring myself to tell him about Sebastian.

"I love you", it sounded friendly but I clearly caught the hint of something deeper than friendship.

" I..." , forming my response, I looked up at the person who independently sat down in front of me. His intense eyes made me gulped down the dry lump on my throat.

Sebastian Lord himself was in front of me.