Chapter 15

Amelia's POV.

He was in the study again, sitting in the same chair, under the same lamp, like the room was the only place in the penthouse that actually belonged to him.

I walked in and didn't sit down.

"Lucy came to see me tonight," I said.

He looked up from whatever he was reading and waited for me to continue. 

"She told me Raymond was using me as collateral in his business dealings. That he had been doing it for a long time." I kept my voice steady and my eyes on his face, "She told me you knew."

He closed the papers in front of him slowly and set them to the side.

"Is it true?" I asked.

He didn't look away from me and he didn't try to find a comfortable way to say it, "Yes."

The word landed quietly but it landed hard.

"Why?" I asked, "If you knew what he was doing to me, why did you let it go on?”

"Raymond needed enough rope," he said, "There were things that had to play out a certain way. Unfortunately your situation was part of that."

I stood there and looked at him for a long moment, "Was I a pawn?"

His expression shifted slightly, just enough for me to catch it, "You were never that to me," he said, "Not once. But I understand if that means very little to you right now."

I nodded once.

Then I turned and walked out of the study without another word.

I went back to my room and sat on the edge of the bed and waited to fall apart.

It didn't happen.

I sat there quietly with everything, waiting for the tears to come but I got nothing . 

A few weeks ago, news like that would have destroyed me completely.

 I would have cried until I couldn't breathe. 

I would have pulled at my hair and asked God what I had done to deserve any of it.

But now, I just sat there.

Not exactly numb but just still, turning it all over slowly in my mind until I was too tired to think and then I lay down and closed my eyes and let sleep take me.

***

I woke up the next morning feeling wrong.

I was not sad or angry but my body felt strange. 

I lay there for a moment and stared at the ceiling and tried to figure out what it was but I couldn't place it. 

I told myself it was the stress, all the things sitting heavy in my chest from the night before finding a physical way to show themselves.

I got up and went to the bathroom and stood over the sink for a while. 

My stomach felt unsettled and my head was light in a way that made me grip the edge of the sink and breathe slowly through my nose. 

I splashed cold water on my face and told myself I was fine.

But the feeling didn't go away.

By the time I sat down for breakfast I had no appetite at all. I looked at the food in front of me and my stomach turned slightly and I picked up my fork anyway and pushed everything around my plate and tried to remember the last time I had felt completely normal in my body.

I couldn't place it.

I put the fork down and drank some water and told myself again that it had to be the stress. 

But the strange feeling remained for three days. 

I woke up tired even on the mornings I had slept well. 

I still couldn't get through a full meal without losing interest halfway, and twice had to stop what I was doing and stand very still because my stomach rolled without warning and I needed a moment before I could keep moving.

I didn't tell anyone in the penthouse.

I just moved through my days the way I always did, quietly and carefully, and kept the thought I had been pushing to the back of my mind exactly where it was.

 I wasn't ready to look at it directly. I wasn't ready to say it out loud, not even to myself, because saying it out loud meant it became real and I needed a little more time before I was ready for it to be real.

On the fourth day I picked up my phone and texted Anna.

I didn't say much. Just that I needed to go out and that I wanted her with me. 

“I'll explain on the way there,” I typed. 

Three dots appeared and got a text back. 

Okay

I looked at the one text, I had expected even a question at least from her but I was happy she asked none because I had no answers to give. 

 ***

Getting past Marcus took some effort.

"I want to go to the market," I told him, "I need a woman with me. Personal things."

He looked at me for a long moment with those steady eyes that never missed anything, "I'll arrange the car."

"You don't have to come inside with me."

"I'll arrange the car," he said again, like I hadn't spoken.

Anna was waiting outside the mall entrance when we pulled up and she hugged me quickly and tightly before I had fully stopped walking, as if she could sense that something was wrong even if she didn’t know yet. 

We walked in together and moved through a few shops first, taking our time, stopping to look at things we had no intention of buying so that anyone watching would see two friends doing what friends did on a regular afternoon. 

Then Anna looped her arm through mine and steered us quietly toward the pharmacy. 

She picked up the test kit herself and put it in the basket and kept walking like she had just grabbed something off a grocery list and I loved her so much for that I couldn't speak for a moment.

We found a bathroom near the back of the mall.

Anna went in with me and then stood just outside the stall door and didn't say a word, 

I was really grateful for her silence. 

Most people would try to fill it with something when they didn't know what else to do but Anna understood that that was not what I needed right now.

She just stood there and that was enough.

I stayed in the stall longer than I needed to after it was done.

Then I opened the door and stepped out.

Anna looked at my face first, reading my expression and then her eyes dropped to what I was holding and stayed there for a moment.

She looked back up at me.

I looked back at her.

And none of us said a word for a while.