The Fake Boyfriend Deal

The rusty smell of sweat filled her nostrils, dulling her senses. Her lightweight body moved to the rhythm of the techno beat blasting loudly from the speakers and she lifted the bottle in her hand to her lips. The liquid burned its way through her throat to her stomach and if she hadn’t been three sheets to the wind, she’d have hated the taste.

Yet again, another man had come and gone. Give love a chance, they’d said. Don’t judge the present with past experiences. Open up your heart, let love find you. All bullshit. Another gulp from her bottle had her swaying from side to side, trying to keep her balance. 

Really, what was the fucking use? All men did was lie and cheat and then dump you. Why open your heart just to have it broken and stomped on? 

Stephanie Blunt had had enough of the male species. Someone on her left pushed her and she almost tumbled. “Fuck you!” She yelled, taking another gulp. 

Nothing good came from loving them. She was tired of being used. She was tired of being single. She was tired of everything.

“Stace?” Though her eyes were spinning and she could hardly see, she recognized the unmistakable tone of disapproval from her best friend, Grace. ”Stephanie, oh my God. Come on, let’s go home. I’m not saying shit to you until you are sober.”

Stephanie pulled free of the hand that grabbed hers, “Leave me alone. How did you even find me?”

“Don’t even talk right now,” Grace yelled over the loud music. “I don’t want to hear your voice. We’re going home and I swear to God, even if I have to drag you by the hair, I fucking will.”

Stephanie’s head was pounding. Jesus Christ, why was it so bright? 

“Close the fucking curtains,” She moaned, turning away from the light. She had never been one of those people who got drunk and forgot everything that had happened the night before. It was all clear, mocking her. The headache banging at the back of her head was piercing, and she actually thought her head would fall off. 

“Do you feel like shit yet? Because I hope you do. You sure deserve it.” Grace didn’t bother to reduce her voice. The sound rang loud enough to wake the dead.

Stephanie winced, drawing the covers over her head as though it would quell the noise.

She asked herself why she’d decided to drink again until Matt crossed her mind. Matt, her ex-boyfriend, had been a complete dick. After her history with men, she’d sworn love off in its entirety. Matt had been everything she wanted. He was attentive, caring, loving. He was perfect. 

“Here, drink this,” Grace said.

Stephanie didn’t object; instead, she turned around and took the glass of water and pills Grace offered. She put the pills in her mouth, and then swallowed them down with water. Grace waited for a moment before taking the glass from Stephanie.

The banging in her head began to cease. Where was she? Yes, Matt. 

He’d blown into her life with the promise of forever, and because Stephanie was a pathetic Rollandtic, she’d welcomed him eagerly. Her oath to steer clear of men had gone unfulfilled. He’d been a childhood friend of her older sister, Claire. 

Her childhood crush. 

When she was younger, she’d fantasized about dating him for as long as she could remember until she’d realized it would never happen. She’d thought she had outgrown those ridiculous fantasies until a couple of months ago after an ugly breakup, when he’d consoled her and then kissed her. For the first time in her life, she’d felt appreciated and valued. Matt had treated her like an egg, too precious and fragile to be manhandled. At least, that was what she’d thought. Stephanie would be the first to admit that she’d figured they’d get married and have kids. It would’ve been like something out of a movie, where the girl finally married the love of her life.

Until three nights ago when she’d caught him naked on his bed and on top of her sister.  

The betrayal had been a huge blow to her face and had hit her hard. She didn’t know why she’d decided to show up unannounced that night. She’d wanted to surprise him, take care of him because he’d said he was sick. She’d even brought soup. He’d explicitly told her he needed to rest that night. Turned out his best place to rest was in Claire’s vagina. 

Stephanie didn’t know how long they’d been fucking behind her back. She was more interested in why they hadn’t just told her. Maybe she wouldn’t have taken it well, but who could blame her? What girl wanted to hear her boyfriend say he preferred her sister’s vagina to hers?

It didn’t matter anyway. What was done was done. 

“You have to stop this shit. I know it’s not easy, but partying and getting drunk isn’t going to help.”

Stephanie moaned. “I wasn’t trying to help. I like this pain. I deserve it.”

Grace hissed, sitting on the bed next to her. “You deserve a lot, Steph, but I can assure you that getting your heart shattered over and over again isn’t one of them.”

Stephanie didn’t believe her. There had to be something wrong. “Did I do something? Why does this keep happening to me?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You just have terrible luck in the love department.” She felt Grace’s hand stroking her hair. The gentle action soothed her nerves. “And the sister department too, because Claire is a bitch.”

That she was, Stephanie thought. Their mother had arranged a family reunion, and she was expecting both her daughters to bring a man. Stephanie hadn’t wanted to disappoint her. The woman was sick. God, how was she supposed to take Matt to a family reunion after this? 

“How on earth am I supposed to show up to the reunion like this? I’m a fucking mess.” Her mother would be very upset, which was exactly what Stephanie was trying to avoid. If there was anything she could do to alleviate the woman’s distress, she would do it.

Grace was silent, staring into space. Stephanie had a lot on her mind as well, doubtful yet thinking of a solution to her current problem. None of her relationships in the past had worked out and her mother was well aware of this. She’d specifically told Stephanie to bring her boyfriend home. Claire had never had a problem finding men. Not like she was ugly, but neither was Stephanie. So what the hell was the problem? Did she smell, maybe, bad breath or something?

“Remember how I told you a friend from work hired a date to go with her to her ex’s wedding so she wouldn’t look weak?” Grace suddenly said.

Stephanie’s head snapped to her. “Yeah?”

Slowly, a smile stretched into a grin. “I think I have an idea.”