Chapter 3

Chapter 3

{I feel like I’m constantly running, I’m constantly running from the noise, from the critics, the terrible comments about my weight, I feel trapped. I feel like if I don’t have a smile on my face they’ll send me back. I’ll be putting off my life so I can feel better. But I feel empty, I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again.

I want to feel something anything, just anything...

I always feel better after I write exactly how I feel and not to feel judged for how I feel. Or feeling guilty because I feel this way.}

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The main lights turned on, illuminating the entire studio. There was stunned silence for over a minute before the audience applause rang out through the entire studio.

Rae put her right hand over her heart, smiling at the audience with an expression of relief, everything went perfectly, she didn't forget the choreography or the words. Her first performance back was a huge success.

She was panting and out of breath, she forgot what this felt like. She loved it. She’d been out of the spotlight for so long it feels almost foreign. She missed the energy she feeds off the audience.

"Rae! Rae! Rae!" they continued to chant her name.

Rae walked back over to the sofa where the two hosts were sitting.

Male host David said "I'm truly amazed, what an amazing come back. Your performance was incredible!"

Rae smiled. "Thank you for saying that..." she thanked him. She pulled her blonde hair over her right shoulder. She was all sweaty because of her performance.

"It was truly amazing! I felt every word and note deep within my soul. My makeup is ruined now." Apple the female host dabbed her eye.

David looked at his co-host and handed her a tissue. "Don't worry you still look like a million bucks." he teased.

The audience laughs.

“With your new album coming out. Are you working on your next album already. I’ve heard you never stop writing...” Apple asks.

Rae smiled. “Yes I never stop writing. My brain is constantly on. Sometimes all it takes is a phrase or a word and I’ll write it in my phone’s notes. Sometimes it takes a little more than that. Sometimes a tune comes to me. Like Running. I wrote it after listening to my own heartbeat. The soundtrack was based upon my own heartbeat...” Rae explains.

The audience started clapping, cheering and whistling and screaming.

“How does it feel to be back?” Apple asks.

Rae looks at the audience with a bright smile. “It feels like home...”

"First of all, we want to say welcome back, Rae Hartley..." David smiles brightly.

Rae felt he was being sincere, the only reason she agreed to this interview was because she knew David and Apple weren’t going to bring up what happened. "Thank you, the break away was exactly what I needed to give my fans the best of me..." Rae truly meant it. The time away gave her time to come clean to her family about what she was going through. She was struggling with insecurities she’d never went through before. She’d starved herself and hurt herself.

She clenched her fists as she looked at the cuffs she had to wear on her wrists now. A constant reminder of how much she’d hurt her family.

The audience responded with enthusiasm that broke Rae’s train of thought.

"Welcome home, Rae!"

"This so amazing!"

“Thank you for coming back!"

"I love you, Rae!"

"Marry me, Rae Hartley!"

Rae smiled as she played with a charm bracelet she got from someone special in her life. It was a gift that brought her out of her darkest of moments.

"Just listen to the audience. They’re happy you’re back..." Apple smiles.

Rae stands and faces the audience, she bows and blows a kiss to the audience. "Thank you so much, everyone!"

The audience screams and claps got louder before they settled down after Rae sat down.

“So, let’s talk about your love life. I believe you and Carson are still going strong, Childhood sweethearts, right?” Apple probes.

Rae makes a face. “Yes, we are. Carson is amazing. He was there for me, when I was thinking about giving up. He was there for me when I didn’t even love myself anymore...” Rae had a genuine smile on her face when she spoke about Carson. She did truly love him. He was her rock.

The audience awed.

"This is your official comeback album. Can we expect a love album?” Apple asks.

Rae frowned a little. “The album is a self-love album. A love yourself album. All your beautiful and the ugly.”

David smiled "I believe you composed all the songs on your album yourself?” he asks.

Rae nods. "Yes, I wrote and composed all the songs on my album in my little room in my parents’ house, I went back home to find myself again. I’ve never missed my fans more than I did being away over the last two years. That’s why I am going on tour in four months...” Rae announces...

The audience screams out and claps.

Apple nods. "I see. I’m sure many of your fans are excited to see you live again. Will we get tickets as well?” Apple teases.

Rae laughs out. “If you want to come out, I’ll set the two of you up in a box...”

“Thank you, I know you didn’t want to speak about this, but we wanted to know what happened two years ago, did you get help?” David asks.

Rae tilts her head to the left and pulls a face.

The audience leaned forward so they could hear what Rae would say. After she collapsed on stage two years ago. She was never seen again, her team let out a statement saying they were cancelling the rest of her last tour, and it was rumoured that she had an eating disorder, but Rae’s team never spoke out about the rumours.

Rae nods. “Yes, I got help. I used to read every single comment on my weight, and I would starve myself so I wouldn’t get comments about my weight or have any pregnancy rumours. I’ve gotten better at not listening to the noise..." Rae doesn’t speak about what really happened back then, why she really went missing for the last two years, it had nothing to do with her eating disorder or what she did to herself.

“I’m glad you got the help you needed. You look so much healthier.” Apple says with a bright smile.

Rae didn’t comment. She looked healthier because her parents and Carson watched her to make sure she was eating. She still felt empty, she felt like a shell of her former self. She didn’t think she’d ever be who she used to be.

"Many little girls look up to you. Seeing you healthy and getting help and speaking out about it. Will help many young girls going through the same thing. Maybe they won’t be as afraid to speak up about the same thing...” David says softly.

Rae swallows and looks at the audience, they were all looking at her in awe, yet she didn’t feel like she was an inspiration to any of them. She was a big fat liar. She was running from her problems. She was jumping into another tour, so she didn’t have to look her family in the eye. Seeing the look in their eyes was suffocating.

“Thank you so much for stopping by Rae, I can’t wait to hear the new album. I’ve already preordered mine.” Apple says.

Rae smiles. “I hope you like it. I wrote for all those who feel unheard and unseen...” she says before standing. She hugs the hosts and makes her way off stage.

Her assistant Iris is waiting with her phone and flats.

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Raeleigh Campbell

POV

I let out a sigh of relief as soon as the pumps are in my feet. The last two years I’ve been wearing nothing but sneakers, now I have to wear heels again, my feet her cursing me.

“Miss Campbell called...” Iris lets me know.

I sigh. I wonder what my sister wanted.

“I’ll call her back later...” I tell her.

I take a selfie of myself before handing my phone back to Iris for her to post it on my social media.

A long-standing tradition I started at fifteen. When I got my first break.

I didn’t go on social media anymore, but I do let Iris run it.

When I get to my dressing room I stare at the food in my room. My parents must have asked the studio to provide me with full meals.

Guilt churns at my gut. I grab the pasta dish and sit down eating it.

“Where’s my father?” I ask Iris.

“He’s talking to the production team about something...” she lets me know.

I nod and take a bite of my pasta.