Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Four months later...

Raeleigh Campbell

POV

{I’m on the road again, the constant travelling and workload I'm under helps, I don’t feel so trapped anymore. I feel alive for the first time in two years.

I get anxiety right before I have to go out there, but while I’m there I feel at home. The anxiety before and after hasn’t faded yet.}

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"Rae! Rae!"

I stare out at the crowd panting as they scream out my name. I plaster on a bright smile on my bright red lips.

I wave as my dancers and backup singers make their way backstage.

“Thank you everyone, I enjoyed our time together. See you all tomorrow night.” I bow before waving the crowd bye as I make my way backstage.

Their cheers are fuel me in a way it hasn’t before, the smile slips off my face once I’m backstage away from the eyes and cheers. My tense body finally relaxes. I do something I’ve been working on stopping.

My mind rushes to all the mistakes I made during my performance, when I forgot the lyrics to So break my heart. A song I've sung at least one hundred times before, yet I mixed up you're not my heart anymore with So break my heart like you've done one hundred times before.

A silly mistake my critics will surely comment on. Or how the zip came undone on my pink body suit, I'll get comments on my weight again. I’ve been trying to stop being so critical, but sometimes the voices in my head is so loud I can’t hear past that.

I stand for second holding my breath, I couldn't let those comments consume me.

A hand on my shoulder snaps me out of my reverie.

I open my eyes to see my boyfriend, Carson Knightley. A genuine smile tugs on my lips; I wrap my arms around his waist.

He chuckles. "This is your last chance, to hug me, I'll be gone for a while..." he comments.

I sigh. "Don't remind me. I'm going to miss seeing you backstage." Carson was going to Brazil to film his new movie while I'm still on tour, so we won't be seeing each other for months.

I'm feeling anxious because I'm not used being without him. Carson has been one of my biggest support system especially after my depression. After my eating disorder, after the public outrage five years ago.

I'm finally back on top yet it doesn't feel as great as it did back then. I've been eating properly; I've gotten out of my head yet the voice in the back on my head keeps whispering all the negative things I've done. I try to stop it, but it doesn't help. I'm still a mess. I'm still wrong.

I hide this side of me from everyone. I'm scared of how they'll react how my parents would look at me. They sacrificed everything for me have this and here I am thinking about throwing it all away.

"I love you Carson..." I did truly love him with all my heart. Carson and I have been together for a little over seven years now. His been there for me since for as long as I can remember.

He kisses my cheek. "I love you to Leigh." I walk with him to my dressing room.

I get out of my custom gold Christian Louboutin's boots and let out a sigh of relief when I try to straighten my feet, I struggle to get my toes to stay flat.

Carson let's out a chuckle. He sets me down on the sofa by the wall and grabs my feet massaging it.

I let out a moan. I've been in those heels for far too long. My tour just started; I'll be touring for the next six months. I'm starting in Miami and ending in New Orleans; I have a few dates in Europe and in Asia. I can't wait to meet a few of my international fans. Though I may sound like I hate my job. I don't really, I'm fortunate enough to be able to do this and be successful.

But sometimes the noise gets too much, posting a simple picture turns into comments about me being pregnant or I'm trying to show off my wealth. I no longer post pictures of myself on the internet, I don't do interviews unless I trust the hosts or the team, I don't do red carpet events. I stay in my bubble. I make music for my fans, my team takes care of my fan pages, I don't allow my fans to take care of Rae's Word anymore.

Before it was run by a twelve year old girl, Sadie Mangold, she received some terrible comments because of me and had happened five years ago, she tried to commit suicide, it created a buzz many blamed me for what happened and I still haven't recovered from what happened.

Carson flicks my forehead. "Get out of your head love..." he frowns at me.

I sigh. "I'm sorry. I'm trying."

His frown deepens with worry. "Maybe you should push back the tour and see Dr Dresden again..." he suggests.

I shake my head. "I'm fine. I'm just trying to think of what the next six months will be like." I look beyond him.

I love Carson with all of my heart. But he didn’t understand. He didn’t feel what did, or he didn’t know how empty I felt all the time.

"Promise me you'll tell me if anything changes?" he asks.

I nod. "Of course I will." I smile a smile I've learnt to fake even with Carson. With my parents, they didn't deserve to have me as their daughter. They moved across the country just for me. My brother and sister were forced to relocate, make new friends at school because I wanted to become a star. A famous popstar.

My sister Riley had big plans for her future until my fans got so crazy she had to quit her job, they would show up at the school she taught at, it got so bad the schools security couldn't stop them and they made it into her classroom, it scared Riley and the kids. I then hired Riley to run my social media. I had to hire Russ my brother too, he worked with my copyright and all my music used in movies and adverts. He deals with that. I honestly have no idea what Russell Campbell wanted to do with his life before his sister Rae Hartley became famous.

"Russ sent a text while you were onstage, you've got a request from the NFL, they want you to perform at half time." Carson says.

I pull a face. Sports wasn't really my thing. My father tried to get me into football, but it wasn't really something I spent head time on. “I’ll speak to him later..." I promise.

My family would video call me as soon as I got back to my hotel room. We always video called no matter where in the world I was. They'd call every night we all would hop on the call and speak about our day.

After two years ago it was their way of checking up on me, I know. Another thing I feel guilty about.

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I knew this was wrong, I shouldn’t do this, I should wait until we get back to the hotel. But this was my last night with Carson before he leaves.

I run my fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends. All of it would be cut off by the weekend. I didn’t know if I liked his hair short.

Carson’s fingers digging into my ass, I knew I was going to bruise in the morning. But it didn’t bother me. I wanted this time together with Carson. Carson thrusts up.

Causing me to moan out. I tug on Carson’s hair harder.

He groans out. “Babe you’re tugging too hard on my hair...” he tries to move his head.

Carson’s hands move to my bare back. Pushing me down into him. Carson kisses my neck, sucking on my neck. He was giving me a hickey. One Wes will have a heart attack for in the morning when he does my make up in the morning.

I didn’t mind it, but my fans especially the young ones shouldn’t see.

Carson had a thing about controlling where things go in our sex life. He liked things to go a certain way in the bedroom. I didn’t mind but sometimes it could take forever to get to the main point.

Carson thrusts upward into me sending me into a haze, I was seeing stars, I couldn’t see up from down. I tried to match his thrusts, but my body had a mind of its own. My body felt like jelly.

With each thrust, I was getting closer and closer to my high. I was chasing my orgasm. I was so close. I could almost taste it.

Carson’s thrusts become impatient and rough. He must know I was close. His fingers digging into my back.

I let out a loud shrill, “Oh my God!”

My body falls limp into Carson. My heart hammers out of my chest. She was going to miss Carson when he was away.

Carson let’s out a groan before I feel him cum inside of me.

As we pant out together, I let out a giggle. “We’ve never done it in the car before...”

I’ve never done anything like this in a car before. I didn’t have enough privacy normally to do this in a car. We were only separated from a screen. I was sure my driver heard everything they just did. For the first time I didn’t feel ashamed. I feel like I should be.

Carson helps me back into my dress and then pulls his pants back up.

There’s a knock on the window. Carson presses the button to let the window down.

“We’ve arrived at your hotel Miss Raeleigh...” Quinton my driver lets me know.

I smile at him. “Thank you, Quin...” I thank him. I was feeling a little embarrassed now.

He opens the door, and Carson gets out first before helping me out of the car. We walk hand in hand into the hotel; all I wanted now was a warm bath to decompress. My suite was set up with everything to help me fall asleep tonight. After a show I’d normally only fall asleep at four the next morning.