Chapter 2 (iii)

"Are you crazy?" Madelyn countered, nearly shoving out of her own seat before catching herself. "You can’t just walk up to them. You gotta wait for one of them to acknowledge you and call you over first."

"Why?" My eyebrows were rising ever higher with each new thing said about this mysterious body and the image I had cultivated was constantly changing. This…this was secret society cult business confirmed and that only made it more exciting.

The sweet smiling politician was proving to be more interesting than I’d first imagined. It would be a shame when the time came to leave him behind. 

Madelyn shrugged, seeming at first to be at a loss of words that would make real sense. "That's just how things are done around here."

"I think it's time we changed that," I said before turning on my heels and stalking off. I had to strike while the iron was hot and my nerves were still steeled. This would be nothing, a cakewalk, a…an…other metaphor that would make me think it was a good idea. All I had to do was step up and make a fool of myself—wait, that wasn’t right.  Halfway to the table, I realised I had no idea what I’d say when I finally got there. The plan was starting to sound better while I was still sitting at the table than it did with my feet taking me ever closer to the 'elusive body'.

"Look closely guys; this is how you commit social suicide," I heard Madelyn say before I moved beyond earshot. I brushed it off and continued on my way to Jayden's table.

With each step that I took, my heart climbed further up my chest. It was trying to crawl its way up and out through my throat before I had a chance to take it down with me. At the same time, puddles began to develop in my clenched fists. It was all part of the thrill before a performance, the build up while I made whoever I was going to be more concrete. While I’d helped with student representation work, I’d never actively gone against a whole student body delegation. My character would need to be strong. She would need to be bold. She would need to give zero shits and make them know she wouldn’t be chased off by intimidation tactics.

I hadn’t worn a face like that in a while.

The talks around the table died as I approached—perhaps because of my approach. Whatever the case, they’d all gone quiet, the heat from the previous argument vanishing without a trace. I’d have been impressed if I weren’t so busy trying to solidify my character and work through the words I would need.

All eyes were on me, it was showtime.

"So . . . what are we talking about?" It didn't sound nearly so awkward while I was still on the other side of the room. I’d have kicked myself had I not been so preoccupied with exuding a confidence I didn’t truly feel. How had I gone from a zesty one-liner declaring a time for change to…what essentially amounted to ‘hur dee dur” and little more?

The body continued staring with the occasional glance at each other. Even then they kept their secrets to themselves, fastened and secured behind pressed lips and disinterested gazes.

"Right…so, um…I had a question..." I said, clearly nailing the confidence game under the stern and uncompromising eyes that dug into me.

“Look—” The brunette further from me began seconds before she was cut off by a raise of Jayden’s hand.

"What's the question?" Jayden asked. Although he had given me leave to ask, there hadn’t been an ounce of curiosity or concern. The icy reception threatened to take me right out of character. It was a far departure from the dimpled grin and bright eyes that met me out in the hall. He was almost a different Jayden; one that was less a charismatic politician and more a bureaucrat who needed to get some business out of the way. It became evident that I’d interrupted something and they weren’t looking to entertain the interruption for too long.

The dead gazes encouraged me to make my visit quick and again I found a part of myself impressed. How had they all managed to perfect the same stare? The indifference was palpable, sending violent shivers down my spine though I did my best to remain composed.  There was an aura of intimidation that settled around them and slowly I began to understand why they were not generally approached. It must have been nerve-wracking to all but the most determined.

They condemned me with their eyes, appalled I’d dared make an approach at all. I was beneath them and had no business being in their presence. Even their disdain was more than I deserved. I’d seen the look often enough to recognise it now. To them, I was no one and an irritatingly audacious no one at that.

I may have turned and walked away—as I desperately wanted to do—but I became aware of several other pairs of eyes now focusing on me. Without meaning to, I’d gained the attention of at least half the cafeteria, making escape no longer an option. This was the path I had chosen to walk and turning back would put me into an entirely different role I hadn’t prepared for.

In fact, the choice had been removed from me, for better or for worse; there was no backing down. Backing down would mean defeat and a humiliating reputation I’d need to carry around for at least a month—longer if the students had good memories. It wasn’t a gamble I was willing to make when I was trying to smuggle my way into the body and snag the president.

I sucked in a deep breath to centre myself, resolving that I needed to turn this around if I was ever going to salvage things. I could do it. They were people, just like me. They took math tests and got rejected for school dances just like m—…well…maybe not like me, but they bled like I did and they had insecurities like I did.

Showtime.