LOGINLILYI thought I loved my babies while they were in me, but nothing, absolutely nothing, could have prepared me for the insane, all-consuming amount of love I have for them now that I can see them, hold them, feel their tiny breaths against my skin, and... I just can't let them out of my sight.It's overwhelming. The love, I mean. It's so crushing and soul pushing that I did cry for ten minutes after birthing Aurora and Asher. All I did the second day was stare at them. My babies are so perfect. I can't believe I made them. All those back-aches, the bizzare cravings, the nausea, the pains... I think they're worth it.Jace and Bailey are so excited and they haven't shut up about the babies since we got home. Cole is happy and congratuled Aiden and I. Tyler... Tyler is just Tyler. I can't read him. I don't really care how he feels right now, not in the way I used to. That sounded rude, even to my own ears. I do care, of course, but... I have more important things to worry about now than
LILYSix days.Six days ago, I was certain the world was ending in the hallway. Like... when the pain started, it just refused to go away. And then I heard shouting and then I couldn't feel my legs and Aiden was there and... Phew.Today, I'm standing in front of a hospital mirror, bracing my hands on the cool porcelain of the sink, and actually recognizing the girl looking back at me. She's Lily. With the bump. I look six months pregnant now. My skin is a bit translucent, and the dark circles under my eyes look like bruised thumbprints, but I’m upright.Yesterday, getting to the bathroom felt like climbing Everest with Aiden acting as my human crutch. My mom says I should take it one step at a time but... I felt useless just taking orders from Louisiana. I mean... all she adviced was rolling in bed, dangling my legs, sitting upright and stuff.I touch my abdomen, feeling the pull of the incision beneath the high-waisted mesh underwear. It stings. I’ve been coping by taking it one bre
AIDENLily used to lean on me all the time. I'd laugh and tease her about how obsessed she was. But today, I'm not laughing. Because... I think I'm the obsessed one. The weight of her leaning against me is the only thing keeping me grounded. It's a good thing that she's trying to be brave and talk through the pain. "Aria... she's good," I say. I try to focus on the conversation, to be the distraction she needs. "She's doing so well with Jemaya. And Jason... they miss you so much."Lily gives a tiny, pained smile, her eyes fluttering shut. "You have no idea how much I miss my best friend. And... Jemaya?" She raises a brow."Their little girl. God... you should see her. She's so..." I pause. "She's so good." My voice lowers. Fuck. I'm getting all sentimental and emotional."I want to see her." Lily mumbles. "She'll be the best big sister to our babies. Shushing her dolls so they don't wake up..." I stare at Lily. She's rambling. Her body goes rigid, her hand, which was resting loosel
LILYIt hurts.It fucking hurts. Nothing in this world could have prepared me for these stupid pains that I'm feeling. Sure, menstrual cramps can get worse some months but these... they get whole lot worse, then recede, then pick up, then... Fuck! I'm tired already.I hate it. I'm gripping the armrests of the wheelchair so tightly. I keep pressing my lips together like I can keep it in. Honestly, I don't know what the point is. Aiden is here. He apologized. He wants to be involved. He's just as caring as he was. He knows I'm trying not to scream because he's here. I'm trying so hard to make him think that I'm strong. I've survived without him for months and I can do that now as well.But another contraction roll through me and you know what it's like? It's like an invisible belt being pulled around my stomach. I press my lips together. Don't make a sound.Don't make a sound.I'm starting to care less about what Aiden thinks.Elizabeth walks beside me, one hand on my shoulder, whi
AIDEN"But... since you're here." She glances behind me, then sighs tiredly. "I don't know.. I'll need all the help I can get. It won't kill me to say that I..." She pauses, breathes in and out, then our eyes lock."Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?" I walk to her. The urge to touch her is huge, like all consuming. The urge to hold her and breathe her in is large. I just have to control myself and be there for her the way she wants me to. This isn't about me. It's all about her and I am not going to take this moment from her. I heave a sigh of relief when she lets me touch her hand and hold it. Her grip on mine tightens but she doesn't say a word. Staring at her face, I see it. So many hidden emotions that she's trying to keep hidden. She's in pain. She's not fucking okay. And she's trying to hide it?"Lily," I call."Mmmm," she hums, shutting her eyes and gripping my hand tighter."You're not okay. Come on, let's get you in the car. Are you... are you hurt?"She shakes her hea
AIDENIt's every fucking emotion I'm feeling at this point, all swirling in a chaotic way inside my chest. There's relief that she did keep the baby, that my worst fear hadn't come through. Then there's the crushing guilt for breaking up with her, for being such an asshole and making her go through all of this alone. There's happiness in seeing that she's well taken care of. Elizabeth is clearly looking out for her. And then there's... just a gaping, aching, void of regret for all the time I've lost, all the moments I wasn't here.Wow. Just wow. She looks pregnant, obviously. Like, really pregnant. I don't know why I'm gaping like some idiot who's never seen a pregnant woman before. I've seen pregnant ladies before, plenty of them. It's just.. I haven't seen Lily pregnant. And holy hell, it does look deadass good on her. I haven't always thought about my girl as thin, but I used to tease her about it when we were still cool, still us. Now... now she's far from thin. She's all fleshy







