Chapter Five

"Can I take you somewhere?" A much younger Annie asked, a much younger Alexander. She was nervous. Maybe it was because he had been the only one there for her at that moment. Maybe it was because he had been the only male, apart from her brother, that ever gave her real attention. Maybe it was just the high emotions of the night. Either option was entirely possible because all Annie knew was that she wanted to get to know Alexander, and she knew that in order to do this she would have to be more open and forthcoming about herself. Although the thought terrified her, Annie considered it a small price to become closer, more intimate, with the boy in front of her. 

"Sure?" Alexander's answer was hesitant. He knew he needed to get to know Annie. After all, she was Cindy's friend. Or perhaps that was just an excuse he was allowing himself to believe. Either way, he had agreed and the two walked to the new location together, as the sun was setting and darkness was creeping in. At that moment they were both terrified. Their fear was different, yet so similar. Annie was scared of yet another person in her life rejecting her. Forcing her to the outside of their lives, while she would let them in completely. While Alexander's fear was much more to do with his feelings. His longing to know Annie, the girl with wide and innocent eyes, was strange to him. He had never felt the need to get to know someone. 

"What's your name?" Annie asked as the two walked. Alexander smiled at the comment. His name was obvious, he had already introduced himself and had no doubt in his mind that Cindy had complained about him, or at least mentioned him, to Annie and as her best friend of course Annie would've listened. She didn't seem like the type to ideally pass by in a conversation, at least not with those closest to her. 

"You know my name." Alexander pointed out. Annie just shook her head. That wasn't what she meant. What she meant was much more personal, although in hindsight she realized that maybe she had worded the question wrong. She hadn't been specific enough. 

"I mean in your head. What's your name? When you think about being someone else?" Annie corrected. Alexander paused, he had thought about being someone else at least a hundred times, and yet he had never given his alter ego, which only existed in his head, a real name. Alexander thought about it, the imaginary boy that was so much better than himself. The boy with a much better personality. The boy with his face that was so different from himself. Honestly, he had never really given that boy a name. He had never allowed himself to. To give the boy a name, would be to make him real, and making him real was something that scared Alexander. To give someone so much better than him, someone he admired so much, a real name, would be admitting to hope. Hope that he wasn't sure he was allowed to have. Could he really have hope? Have a chance of being better? A shot at redemption. He wasn't sure yet what he was trying desperately to redeem himself for, and yet he knew he had to. Like there was some looming sin just waiting for him to commit. 

The two continued their walk silently, leaving Annie to assume that her question would go unanswered. Maybe, he wasn't like her. He wasn't who she assumed he was. Maybe he didn't dream of a different life as she did. Maybe that was just her thing. Something she only could relate to. Yet, in Annie's mind, it didn't feel like that. She was the girl that had to grow up too soon. The girls whose mind was constantly focused on that next thing that would go wrong. The next family drama. The next solution she would have to find. At this point, she was almost living alone. Honestly, she would think she did. If it wasn't for the arguing she heard downstairs and her parents' constant reminder that she had to be perfect. Her grades, her looks, her appearance, the way the world saw her, it all had to be perfect. She had learnt that from a young age the only way to be loved was to be perfect. Yet, she never felt perfect. Having that constant pressure to go further and do more. She hated it, it weighed her down, pushed her almost to the brink of insanity. Somehow she held herself together, in the public eye anyway. 

"Bailey." Alexander finally said. "His name would be Bailey." Alexander wasn't sure why he answered. He wasn't sure why 'Bailey' had to be a separate person to him. Why he had imagined Bailey so many times as him, and yet they were still so separate. Separate people, with different lives. Now though, Bailey started to seem more real. That terrified Alexander. He was afraid that he would become too absorbed into the possibility of 'Bailey' when it was so clear that 'Bailey' was just a fantasy. 

"Hmm." Annie hummed. "Bailey." She tested the name on her tongue. It felt so natural yet so foreign. "I like it." She decided. Alexander wasn't sure why, but that sentence filled him with pride which was quickly followed by a pang in his heart as he remembered that 'Bailey' wasn't real. A figment of his imagination.

"What would your name be?" Alexander asked, longing to change the subject and remove these odd feelings from himself. Rid them from his mind, his heart, his chest. The heaviness was becoming unbearable, and he needed to lighten the load. 

"Wendy," Annie answered instantly. She had spent so many hours picturing and imagining what her name would be. Thinking about that one question, that she no longer needed to think about the answer. 

"You don't look like a Wendy." Alexander chuckled. Annie nodded, that after all, had been why she chose the name. She didn't want to suit her name, she didn't want to be perfect. She didn't want to give off that perfect persona. Wendy. Wendy fit her requirements. Wendy was an odd one, yet Annie loved her, she loved the life Annie lived within her head. 

"That's the point." Annie smiled to herself. Alexander gave her a strange look but said nothing. More questions ran through his head, but he kept them to himself. For now anyway. 

The two continued walking until they reached a field. This was an ordinary field, nothing extraordinary about it. Just a normal field. Nothing magical happened, the sky was cloudy so there were no stars to be seen. The slight glow of the moon shone through, but even that provided very little light. Still, Annie stopped and sat on the cold grass, Alexander hesitated then sat with her. 

"Why are we here Annie?" Alexander asked after they had sat in silence for a few minutes. Annie smiled and looked down at her hands. Nobody except Cindy and Jack knew this place was special to Annie.

"Jack and I come here sometimes. To escape from our parents." Annie spoke softly, in the silence of the night Alexander easily heard her. Yet his brain didn't process her words, not for a few seconds anyway. 

"Jack, your brother?" Alexander asked, it was somewhat clear from the context that he was her brother, yet Alexander wanted the clarification. He wasn't sure why. Maybe the idea of Annie having a boyfriend was unbelievable, that's what Alexander told himself. Although, really if Alexander was being honest, it was because of the slight twinge of jealousy that pinched him painfully and pulled at his heartstrings. 

"Yeah, my older brother, he's 16." Annie smiled at the thought of her older brother. The person she admired above everyone else. He was her current saviour, her current salvation, her current escape. Alexander observed Annie at this moment. The small smile on her face, the glint in her eyes that spoke only of hope and the possibility of escape. Those wide eyes that would one day haunt his dreams. That smile that he would one day long to see. The way her pale, plump lips looked so soft as she studied the grass below, lost in a memory or maybe a dream. He couldn't be sure, but either way, she looked so innocent. So safe. At that moment, she became his salvation, his escape, his hope. Even if he wouldn't admit to himself. It was at that moment he knew that he wanted to protect her. "Do you have any siblings?" Annie asked, her voice breaking through the invisible barrier that had formed between them while they had their trains of thought. 

"No." Alexander frowned. Annie nodded and looked at him, breaking away from the grass.

"Does Bailey have any siblings?" Annie asked, moving closer to Alexander. He smiled at the mention of his alter ego, along with Annie's subconscious movement. 

"Yes. A younger sister." Alexander answered. "He loves her, his sole focus is protecting her from all of the darkness in the world." Alexander smiled as he imagined his non-existent little sister and himself, or Bailey as he is now known, playing in a field just like this one. Annie smiled and allowed Alexander to focus on his own thoughts, his own imagination. Just as he had let her. Only this time, something was different, no invisible barrier formed. They were just two lonely people, helping each other feel a little less lonely in a world full of heartache and disappointment. 

"What's Bailey like?" Annie asked after a few minutes, she wanted - for some reason that was unknown to her - to be in on whatever moment Alexander was having. 

"Happy. He's happy, kind, strong." Alexander frowned. 'Everything I'm not' is what he wanted to say, but didn't. He felt like that was something he should keep to himself. For some reason - he was unaware of - he wanted Annie to see him as better than he was. "He's just... different than me." Alexander finished his short description of his imaginary alter ego. 'Different' wasn't the word Alexander was looking for, and he knew it. He knew the correct word was 'better,' but he didn't want to admit that to the innocent girl looking at him. The innocent girl with broken eyes that spoke so much to his own. Her eyes spoke of age and wisdom a twelve year old could never posses. "What's Wendy like?" 

"Confident, imperfect, honest, blunt, brave and adventurous." Annie smiled sadly. Alexander placed his hand over hers and the two moved closer together, relating to each other in a special way that neither one of them had connected to another person. 

"Are you really so different?" Alexander asked. Annie just sadly nodded. There was silence again, silence. This silence wasn't awkward. Annie studied the moon, and Alexander joined her. 

They had sat there together for what felt like hours now, the occasional wave of conversation washing through them and fizzling out. It wasn't until a shiver danced through Annie that Alexander suggest that they continue their origional walk. Annie agreed and the two continued towards Annie's house. They walked closer together then they had before. They felt closer, more connected then they had before. They knew each other now. They were connected to each other now. 

They arrived outside Annie's house sooner then either one of them would've liked. They were both slightly disappointed, but it was late. The sun had long since set and darkness had surrounded them for almost their whole time together. They stood outside in silence. Neither one wanting to say goodbye. 

"Goodnight Annie." Alexander finally said. Annie smiled sadly at him, he hated that look of sadness that filled her eyes but he couldn't change it. It was time that they said their fairwells. 

"Goodnight Alex." She said softly, they still lingered together. Alexander's eyes fell from her eyes and too her lips. Slowly their heads moved closer together, until their lips were pressed together. It was a quick and simple kiss, but it was their first. 

When Annie eventually walked inside, she didn't even care that she was in trouble. She was high off this feeling that she would soon refer to as love. When Alexander returned home, he didn't even care that he was freezing, nor that Cindy was angry at the fact he had missed the remaining part of her party. All that was important was that he finally felt whole again.