II

“So what do you think?” Shawn asks when he sees Neriah walk out of the apartment with a broad smile on her face.

They had both checked out the apartment and when Cecilia, his mother’s friend and owner of the place, came by, they both discussed while Shawn waited outside. It’s been close to fifteen minutes since the two women had talked.

“It’s okay, I like it!” she squeals and hugs him, “and according to Cecilia I can move in if I have six months’ payment down.” She couldn’t have been happier to say those words.

“That’s great news then?” He asks as he stared into her eyes.

She may not have known Shawn for so long, but he’s helped her out, and she’s grateful for that. “Yes. Thank you, Shawn, you’re a lifesaver.” She says as they begin to walk on.

His smile dies down as he mutters, “If only that were true.”

Neriah doesn’t need to think twice to know what he’s referring to because she’d heard him talk about his mom being in the hospital when Cainan fired him in the morning. How cold that man was to ignore the reasonable excuse presented to him.

“How is she?” She asks, looking up at him, and she sees his face drop.

He sighs, “Hanging on.”

“That’s good though, right?”

He takes a deep laboured breath, “She doesn’t see the point of holding on and according to her, she’s becoming more of a burden than she’s ever wanted to be. I had to tell her to keep the faith before leaving this morning.”

Neriah is quiet for a while before blurting out the obvious, “That was why you were late.”

He silently nods, “I can’t tell her I got fired, it’ll crush her.”

“What are you going to tell her?” Her brow raises, “Lying would only last for a while.”

And she understands first-hand what lying is like. Every time her family from home calls, she tells them she’s doing alright even though she knows that’s so far from the truth. She couldn’t tell them she wasn’t alright, and that all wasn’t going well with her because she knew that would only make them worry and she didn’t want that.

“It’ll be long enough for me to find another job.”

“I believe you’ll find a good job soon.” She pats his shoulder than she reassuringly says this.

***

“You’re thinking,” Clara quietly points out, her fingers lightly drumming on Cainan’s chest as she stares at Cainan, whose eyes fixed on the ceiling in deep concentration. Having known him for a long time, she knows he only looks this way when something is bothering him. She’s seen this look when she first walked in an hour ago and this is the first time sex didn’t help improve his mood.

He shakes his head, but he knows she knows better. “What’s wrong? Someone giving you a hard time at work?” She prob, becoming more interested than she should be.

He turns so his eyes fixated on hers, “Even if they are, there’s really nothing you can do because the last time I checked, you are married and it’s not to me.”

She groans and pulls the bedsheets up with her as she sits down, “Cainan, please tell me you’re not going back to point fingers at my marriage again.”

He shrugs and sits down as well. “I’ve never been a liar, won’t start now. You left me and married Hugo and now you’re cheating on him with me and don’t forget that I also have a girlfriend.”

  When they started this a few months ago, he told himself it was the last time, but there was something about Clara that made him always come back.

She rolls her eyes, “You want this too, don’t pin it all on me.”

He would never do that. It was much of his fault as it was hers. “I’m not. I want this because I still have powerful feelings for you but I hope to get over that, but that day isn’t today.” He pulls her closer and kisses her lips as he pushes her back down on the bed.

Cainan’s phone rings and they both growl and pull apart. Cainan reaches for it when Clara speaks up. “Ignore it.”

His mouth pauses a little and lets the phone ring. After muting it the phone soon stops vibrating and they kiss again. Cainan is about to roll on top of Clara when the phone rings again.

He pulls away from her and reaches for the phone. “Could be important,” he explains, giving her apologetic eyes.

“The last time I checked, I’m still very important,” Clara argues the obvious, and he won’t argue with her about that.

He glances at his phone and sees the caller ID is Ben and he figures he’s probably calling to give information about the assignment he’d given him earlier. “Sorry, I’ve got to pick it.” He says, getting up from the bed and walking to the bathroom.

“Yes?” He asks, before going quiet to hear what Ben is saying.

 “Sir, I have followed up with Neriah Gomez, just like you asked.” Came Ben’s report.

“So you have all the information?” He further enquires, awaiting the response.

  “Yes sir,” he explained what he had found before adding, “I will have them over to you once you’re in the office.”

“Good then, monitor her.” He says before ending the call.

When he turns around, he sees Clara staring at him with folded arms. She’s already in her black gown and he realises the call might not be as brief as he realised that the call wasn’t as brief as he thought it would be.  

The look on her face is unreadable, which was and still is one thing he doesn’t like about her. That she can shut her emotions and he could not know what’s going on in her head.

He taps on the phone in his hand, before saying the only reasonable thing he can think of. “I’m sorry about that.”

At this, she gives him a smile filled with unsureness. “Do I get to be angry? At least I know why the call was so important. Is she pretty?”

He makes a grunting sound, his eyes lowering to the phone in his hands. “It’s not what you think?” 

“What do you think I think?” She asks with her brow arching.

“That we are screwing, but this is different.” He defends himself.

She places a hand on her hips and holds her head up. “And if it isn’t, do I have the right to be mad?”

“Yes!” He instantly replies.

She shakes her head and steps towards him, her brown eyes not once deflecting, “No I don’t and you know why because I’m not your girlfriend nor are you, my husband.”

“Don’t go there please,” he pleads and back away from her.

“But it’s true! And you’re right.” She replies, making him stop in his movement. “We are just horrible people who are too fucked up to move on and so we settle for screw each brain out.”

His breath is heavy and laboured as he boils with rage and he wishes he can do something that’ll hurt her in return for the way she has hurt him, but he can’t, no, not really.

“Is that what you tell yourself? That we are fucked up?” His voice is pained and angry.

She nods remorsefully, “Yes and we are so going to hell for it and the way you make me feel isn’t enough to change that reality.”

“What are you trying to say?” He asks, still forcing himself to stay calm.

She walks towards him and all he wants to do is tell her not to come any closer, but he wants her close; he wants her to hold him and never let go. “I made the greatest mistake of my life when I left you and married Hugo and as much as what we are doing feels so good, it’s wrong on so many levels.” She reaches out a hand and stroke his cheeks tenderly.

He takes hold of her hand, trying to stop the reaction her touch brings out of her body. “I don’t know where all this is coming from cause the Clara in bed with me less than ten minutes ago couldn’t have cared less.”

She pulled her hand away from his. “Well, she wouldn’t have if you hadn’t received that phone call and if she didn’t hear you sound so determined over the phone. She probably would not have realised how selfish she has been for trying to keep you as hers even when she knows it is no longer possible.”

He takes her hand, “I love you and you love me and that’s all that matters to me.”

She smiles slowly and runs her free hand through the small stubble on his face. “I think you deserve better.”

His jaw clenches and he shoves her hand off his face. “You don’t get to tell me what you think I deserve!” He snaps and walks away from her, into the room. “You lost that privilege when you ripped out my heart by calling me a boy who was too young to be with you and so couldn’t wait for me!”

She follows behind him, “You’re right, I don’t, but Hugo deserves better and so does Samantha and we can’t keep doing this to them.”

“And just like five years ago, you’re ending things again, Clara.” His eyes squeeze shut on their own, feeling the sting of tears coming on as he remembers their break up five years ago and the pain feels so real every time he thinks about it like it was yesterday.

“Yes,” she picks up her purse, “only this time I won’t be coming back.”