Chapter 4

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Kristoff didn’t talk to me for about five minutes. He just stared at me. I am still into tears and I think the people around are looking our way now. They are probably thinking that we are quarreling right now. But no, I am quarreling with myself.

I don’t know why I hate it that I can’t do anything about the fashion show right now. I wish I could do something.

I wish everything would fall back into place like what Kristoff said. I wish all the problems can just resolve on their own.

Kristoff sighed. “Will you stop crying, Ashanti?” he asked as he passed me a tissue.

I looked at him with my tearful eyes. “I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” I took the tissue he gave me and wiped my tears.

He smiled at me. “Come on! We should be happy tonight right? Don’t cry like a baby.” He smiled wider.

And trust me how I had to control my feelings at that instant. I thought I was going to melt. Oh well, maybe I did.

I forced a smile even if I don’t want to. I don’t know. Usually, Kristoff would always crack a joke and no matter how corny that joke must be, I will still laugh heartily. But now, everything seems to be so wrong and negative.

Tonight, everything in my life seemed to so dark and dull and monotonous.

Kristoff and his ideal type, this restaurant goddess.

My most awaited fashion show and Jewel’s Shoppe’s launch in Chicago.

Why must everything attack me all at the same time?

Not to leave this heart out, too. Damn my life. Seriously.

Kristoff sighed. “Okay. Would you want to go home early?” he asked me.

I looked at him and nodded weakly. “I’m sorry.” I feel so bad about myself.

Kristoff smiled at me. “It’s fine with me.” He assured.

Guilt caught up with me. It’s not fair that I have to drag him to my misery.

“You can stay. Or not go home yet. I’ll just take the cab.” I was guiltier than what I thought I’d be. He prepared a lot of things for me this evening. He even gave me a greeting card.

And here I am being the killer of happiness tonight.

I glanced at the Restaurant Goddess. She is looking at Kristoff’s way. I felt insecure all of a sudden. I looked at my husband and caught him having an eye to eye contact with her. It made my heart heavier. I think it weighed more than my chest could handle.

Kristoff suddenly looked at me. “Let’s go?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No. I’ll go. You can stay and socialize with other people here.” I was pertaining to this Restaurant Goddess.

Kristoff gave me a look. “This is a buffet, Shan. Not a club.” He corrected me. “This is not a good place for socializing,” he added.

I smiled. “Then you can enjoy the night,” I said. “You don’t have to go home this early.” I looked at my watch. “It’s just past ten. You have a long night,” I said.

Kristoff narrowed his eyes on me. “Why are you pushing me away?” he asked me. “I want to be with my wife tonight. Can’t I do that?” he asked me.

I looked at him, really touched at his gestures and thoughtfulness. But I’d rather call it courteousness. It’s safer since he has a goddess for an ideal type.

Kristoff took my hand, which is a first time after a long time, and led me out to his car. He opened the passenger seat’s door for me. “Thanks,” I replied before he walked to the driver’s seat and gave tip to the valet.

Kristoff drove calmly as he always does.

I stared at his perfect face. Times like this, I want to tell him how much I cherish this marriage. How thankful I am that he agreed to this. But I am scared.

If I told him that, what will I get in response? Will he respond to me positively? Will he not? Will he just answer me with a smile?

Will he even answer me?

I sighed—too loud for him to be distracted.

He looked at me. “Are you still sad about it?” he asked me.

I nodded. Right now, the fact that Kristoff likes someone else makes me even sadder.

He held my hand on my lap and gave it an assuring squeeze. “It’s going to be alright. Trust me.” He assured me.

My chest constricted. “How can that be alright? It’s my fashion show that is at stake,” I replied with pure negativism.

Everything will be alright? I hope you would fall in love with me. That’s all I ever wanted.

He smiled. “The Ashanti I know would know what to do,” he said. “Where is she today, by the way?” he asked.

I looked at him.

“The Ashanti I know would be very positive about things and would quickly find a solution on every problem,” he added. “I wonder if she’s on a vacation leave right now,” he said making me smile. He always says the right things.

But that is only applicable in the fashion show problem. I can’t probably find a solution on him loving me back. Not now that he just saw a special person—his ideal type.

And not to mention they have even had an eye to eye contact a while ago. I wonder what that means though. I feel so bad for myself. I am jealous at her because I know that she can have Kristoff any time while I’ve worked all my life for him but he’s still so far from me.

I breathed hard. “Thanks,” I replied. “Thanks for encouraging me, Kristoff,” I said.

He chuckled. “Of course. I can’t stand to see my wife looking so depressed you know,” he replied.

Can someone please give me a gun and I’ll pull the trigger with it pointing to Kristoff right now? How can he seriously have to be so like this to me? He could just reject me! He could just say that I am ugly when I am depressed!

But what he said just now…Kristoff Marx, what would I do with you? You are making me fall deeper by the minute.

And even, even, even, even, deeper when he utters words that make me feel so alright and relieved. Now, I don’t know what to do.

We arrived home with me being so pale and nervous inside that car. For the first time, I wished there is a car that has a kilometer distance between the driver and the passenger’s seat. I don’t care how freaking huge highways would be. Just make that possible, please.

I sighed and went immediately to the kitchen to drink water.

How did I even feel this dehydrated? The last time I checked, we ate at a buffet with freaking unlimited drinks.

There is no way that a fifteen-minute ride home would dehydrate me. But why is this?!

“Woah! I didn’t know you are that thirsty.” Kristoff came and followed me all through the kitchen.

I gulped and just nodded. I am feeling so sweaty. I am feeling so warm and hot at the same time. I know that I am flustered right now.

Kristoff eyed me. “Are you sick? You are really red,” he told me.

I gulped as my eyes glanced on his jawline—his oh-so chiseled and firm jawline. “No. It’s really hot though,” I started to fan myself for my convincing act.

He looked at me. “Go shower up.” He ordered. “You look like you need to drown in ice though,” he added.

I smiled and nodded. “Well yeah. I gotta keep moving,” I said as I hurried upstairs.

I heard him chuckle. “Cute. That’s why I asdfghjkl.” I didn’t catch his last words though.