The Love I Have Hoped For

The Love I Have Hoped For

By:  alwayshopeful  Completed
Language: English
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I am Jessica Myers. 30 years of age. I am an introverted type of person and spends most of my time at home, watching Netflix. I don't usually go out and I don't have a lot of friends. Despite my age, I still keep a diary with me and every time I want to share something to someone, I write it on my diary. Everyone might think I am boring, but this is the life I am comfortable to live with. I was bullied as a student which makes me have a hard time trusting other people. Like other , all I want is to be loved. I hope to meet someone who can make me feel special despite my characteristics and flaws. I am an ordinary woman who wants to be pursued by a guy, receiving flowers, going on dates in cinemas or simply walking in a park. My ideal man? I just want to meet someone who is nice and who can listen to my stories no matter how simple and boring they are. I don't think I am a difficult person to deal with but why is no one liking me? I am an NBSB and because of that, I have low self-confidence. I sometimes ask myself if I am capable to love and to be loved. I hope someday, like in fairy tales, my prince charming will come. I hope someone out there will see the beauty in me, maybe not physically but with my character. Don't get me wrong, I am happy with my life now, but I am sure I will be happier to be spending it with someone. Will I still get a happy ending like the characters in fairy tales? When can I experience the love I have always been hoping for?

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115 Chapters
1 The Shy Me
"My day went well. I have met my colleagues in a cafe to talk about our new project, but most of the talks were not actually about the project but about unrelated things. I wanted to protest and ask them to focus on our work, but I kept quiet of course. They even asked me to join them to go to a club after the meeting which I'm sure they didn't mean to. I know everyone thinks of me as a boring girl who doesn't know how to have fun.I wanted to say I would love to join them and see the surprised looks on their faces but of course again, I didn't.It is a boring day and I hope I can finally meet someone whom I can share my thoughts everyday with.”That's my diary entry for the day. As a 30-year old lady, I still write a diary. I know what you are thinking, old-school eh? But that's me.My name is Jessica Myers, I work in an advertising company. I am basically nobody. I grew up being bullied by other kids. They laughed at how I look, how I speak. They
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2 Is It For Real?
Lance Mendez. A name which I heard for the first time but seems music to my ears. His smile makes my bones weak, my cheeks red and my heart flutter. He is what every woman would dream of."Hey, Jez. It's rude to stare. Lance is offering a handshake," Annie exclaimed.I am back to reality. I am so embarrassed. What was I thinking?!Everyone on the table is looking at me, waiting for my response. I got his hand and gently shake it. His hand is soft and his skin is smooth. He’s still smiling and seems like waiting for something."And, your name?" he added."Jessica, yeah, Jessica," I replied stuttering."Nice name, Jessica. Can I buy you a drink?" he asked."No, thanks," I answered. I can't look at him directly, having him in front of me makes me tense, and I don't know why."How about any song request? I can ask my group to play it for you" he said."I, hmm, I can't think of anything, I can't actually think right now
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3 The Song
Someone is calling. And it is Lance. My first reaction? I jumped from my bed. I can't contain the excitement I have inside. I wanted to shout but of course without any sound, my neighbours might think I am crazy. Before answering his call, I tried to compose myself first, I took a deep breath, and let out a gentle "ooh"."Hello," I picked the call up."Hello. This is Lance. Am I disturbing you?""No!" I almost shouted. "I mean, I'm not very busy at the moment. How are you?""I'm good. Just taking some rest before meeting my band mates again. We have a gig," he explained."Oh, I thought you are tired," I tried my best not to sound worried."Yeah, but work is work. We already committed to the bar so we cannot cancel that one. And we are all used to working like that. Are you worried?”"Haha! Should I be?""Does it make you feel uncomfortable if I call you? You know, you barely know me but here I am, intruding your private t
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4 The Memory
Growing up as a child could be the best memory for everyone except me. I was bullied when I was young. The main reason why I think I grew up as a boring person, afraid to make friends with others, someone who doesn't have self-confidence and is afraid to trust. I remember being slapped on the face by my classmates in the restroom a couple of times. "You shouldn't be in this school. You look like a witch. Look at your hair, and your eyes! You are different." The exact statements I could hear from a group of girls who kept chasing after me every break time.I went home many times without my backpack, not knowing where it was. My mom had to come to school many times to ask my teacher what happened to my things. Interestingly, my bag will be back on my desk the next day and so my mom thought I was just forgetful and careless.I didn't understand why these girls hated me so much. I didn't remember doing anything bad to them. Even though I wanted to figh
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5 The Date
First stop.We went to a Korean restaurant downtown. I haven't been here before, actually, I haven't been to a lot of places since I don't go out that often. We were ushered by a waitress to a vacant table."Do you like Korean food? I chose this place because I think most women like Korean cuisine." Lance explained."I am fine with it. Honestly, I haven't tried any Korean dish yet. I just saw it in dramas and heard about it from my friends.""This is a perfect place then. I am sure you will like the food here."The waitress came back with a portable stove in hand. She laid it on the table and gave us chopsticks."Do you want to use chopsticks? We can ask for spoon and fork." Lance said."I don't know how to use these but I want to learn.""Wait here. I will get everything we need, okay?"Then he left to get our food.The restaurant is quite big with a lot of customers, mostly in groups. On the walls, pictures of t
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6 The Rumor
The RumorI prepared myself to go to work. Putting make up is something I am not used to do but since I am inspired, I want to always look good. I also chose a dress for today since I might meet Lance again tonight. It is only Tuesday but many things have already happened. I can't wait to share them to Annie.In my workplace, most of my colleagues noticed the changes in me. They began complimenting my looks."You should always dress like that.""You look like a real woman now. Why did you do that too late?""You are blooming. Do you have a boyfriend now?"Those are some of the things I heard from them and instead of answering, I just smiled. Sometimes, it is better to keep quiet so they will stop asking more questions.When I reached my table, Annie came to me immediately."So, are you still going to keep a secret from me? I'm starting to feel like we are not friends anymore. Is it too difficult to share? I wo
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7 The Revelation
Waking up beside someone you love can be the most wonderful thing in the world. I realized I missed a lot of things in my life. I wonder how my life would have been if I were more outgoing, and friendlier. Seeing Lance beside me makes me feel so young again, and having these feelings makes me feel safe, that nothing can hurt nor harm me.I watched him sleeping for a few minutes, just staring at his face and how broad his shoulders are. This is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. I just hope I am not the only one who's taking things seriously.I was not able to tell him all the doubts I had. I was not able to clear things up with his relationship but it doesn't matter. I trust him and I think, that's all that matters.I got up from bed not feeling well. I have muscle pain everywhere, so I decided to call in sick. I usually don't get absent from work since for me, work is my life and that is the only thing that's making me busy.
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8 The New Me
I woke up the next day not knowing what I feel. I am heartbroken but at the same time, I am more relaxed and determined. Today, everything will change.I spent a longer time preparing to go to work than usual. After having breakfast, I prepared all the things I needed for work. I also spent more time choosing what clothes and shoes to wear. I don't have a lot in my closet, but I think my wardrobe is decent enough. I like shopping during my free time, though I don't normally use the clothes I bought. I just put them in my closet and feel satisfied just looking at them. I think now is the time for me to make use of them. That's the main purpose why people buy clothes anyway.I left home feeling light-hearted. As I took the bus, I could feel some eyes looking at me which made me ask myself. Is my dress too short? Am I showing too much skin?I arrived the office expecting my colleagues would tease me, but this time it will be in a positive way.As I approache
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9 The Mysterious Gifts
I am still overwhelmed with what's happening with me. It seems surreal and I am not used to it. I asked Mr. Smith to give me some time to think about his offer and I will get back to him as soon as possible.I didn't tell anyone about the offer. I have to think first whether I am ready to level up my responsibilities. I don't have the confidence to handle a team. Anyway, I'll think about it deeply.I was busy thinking about what Mr. Smith said when my phone beeped. Someone sent a message."Hi. This is Gino. Sorry for the late message. I hope you still remember me." End of message.The message made me smile. I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's not common for me to receive messages from other people, especially from a man. I cannot deny that I kind of like it but at the same time, it is also making me feel hesitant. What if he is like Lance? What if he leaves me later, leaving me heartbroken again?I stopped myself thinking more. I am becoming
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10 The Never-ending Mystery
OMG!Where in the world is my diary?! I remember I have six diary books. I opened the lowest drawer of my bedside table where I put them and to my surprise, they are also gone! I tried to calm myself down, I need to think clearly. Maybe, at some point in the past, I put them somewhere. Maybe, I chose a place where I can put them so no one can accidentally read them. But where?I opened my wardrobe to check whether I put my diaries in there. I removed all the clothes in all wardrobe layers, but I couldn't find my diary! I wrote everything in there since I was 20. All my hopes, my dreams, fantasies, and desires are all there. My diary is like my best friend who knows me from head to foot.The person sending me the gifts, I'm sure that person has my diary. He or she knows what I want exactly. But how would I know who that person is. Lance! He's the only one who came in my place. I'm sure he got my diary and I'm sure he's the one who sent me those presents. How coul
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