3 Indigo

Have you ever tried to get away only to realize that you have no where to go? Have you ever felt that you're all alone, like no one wants you?

Have you ever just wanted to find someone to love you? The harsh reality is it isn't always what you thought it would be, just because you love that person doesn't mean that they love you back, it doesn't mean that they will care about you, it doesn't mean that they want you or even need you the same why you do them. Just because you love that person doesn't mean you need to stay.

When I was growing up I couldn't wait to fall in love, get married and start a family of my own, I thought that love was the best thing in the world, I thought that I had found my soulmate when I was in my junior year of collage, he was so sweet, loving, charismatic and charming he treated me like I was the very air he needed to breathe and I fell for it, hard.

I fell for the idea of someone loving me and the idea of no longer being alone.

Our relationship started out as if it had been cut from pages of some fairy tale but that all changed when I told him that I wasn't ready to lose my virginity.

He started to become aggressive and force himself on me physically when making out and I started to pull back but like always he found away to pull me right back to him.

We had been dating for almost a year when I started to see signs that where big red flags, I should have taken them as a warning to run while I still could but I didn't.

The way he would look at other girls and openly flirt with them with me by his side was one or how he would get up and leave with out saying good bye after getting a call or text should of been another one but he would find away to make me believe that it was for work or school, once he even said it was a family emergency, he was always so smooth with his words making me naively fell into his traps.

Then there were times I wouldn't see or hear from him for days at a time after we moved in together and when he would finally show up or call and I'd ask him were he had been.

He'd say it was none of my business and I'd get hit as if I was the one who had been gone for days doing only he knows what, with only god knows who.

I still remember the very first time he hit me. It was at a frat party I had been invited to by my study partner.

All anyone did was stand there and watch no one stoped him or tried to that just gathered around and watched him smack me around most likely to drunk to even realize what was going on.

He was drunk and got mad because I told him I was leaving after I had caught him kissing some blonde bimbo with barely any clothes on.

A long story shot it was my fault because I wouldn't 'put out' so he had to get it from someone else. I know I should of left him after that after all of it but my dumb ass thought that what he showed me was love because I didn't have a healthy version of it growing up, all I knew was what I read in books and watched on tv.

After that night it was always my fault or at least that's what he would always tell me as he let out his anger on my broken body.

Looking in the mirror while cleaning myself up I get a good glimpse of myself, I've lost the girl I had become once I got to college.

I lost the carefree fun easygoing girl I was, the girl looking back at me isn't me she's someone I've become because of him.