2 Indigo

I once got a beating because he stubbed his own toe on the edge of the coffee table so this doesn't surprise me.

"Worthless fucking nasty bitch. You're nothing but a lazy ass cunt" he says then slaps me hard across the face knocking me down to the kitchen floor.

"I-I ss-said sorry" his closed fist makes contact with my cheek this time shutting me up and forcing me to brace myself for what ever else is to come.

"I don't fucking care" he grounds out along with another hard slap to my already sore cheek this time it feels worse do to the punch, it feels even harder then before making my left eye feel like it could pop out of it's socket.

"I don't know why the fuck I'm still with you, your so fucking ugly and worthless you make me fucking sick"

The sting his words once made me feel has now gone away along with my feelings for him.

Why did it take this moment right here for me to realize it? Had I been hoping that he might change?

His words used to make me feel like life wasn't worth living and I believed him when he would tell me how worthless I was because I was nothing to anyone who ever came into my life, according to him I was nothing but a burden.

Now that feeling has vanished making his harsh words nothing but noise. Nothing but fuel to the fire that burns inside me, the fire I'll use to get away.

Bracing myself up on my elbows I feel something I haven't in so long.

Strength.

It's an amazing sensation, making me wonder if this is what those mothers who save their children from burning buildings and can lift cars clear into the air if their children was trapped underneath.

I listen to his nonstop berating as I lay on the floor, tuned out to everything but the fire he's lite inside my soul.

A small surge of courage courses through my veins and I bite back with as much attitude and venom as I could muster saying "Then fucking leave"

Yeah see that was a mistake and I knew it the moment the words left my mouth and his broke out with a sinister smile.

"What the fuck did you just say" I shake my head no not wanting to repeat myself and try to get away knowing that if I dare to repeat what I had just said the 'punishment' will be worse then It's already going to be.

Do I regret my words and the small moment of bravery that passed through my body only moments ago yes, I can truthfully say yes I do.

"I fucking ASKED YOU A QUESTION!" he says grabbing me off the floor by my shirt while yelling in my face, then letting me go only to grab a handful of my hair.

I don't answer his question keeping my mouth sealed shut. I don't dare let out a single sound or whimper even though I can feel my own scalp being pulled away from my skull. I know that if I answer him it won't matter and it doesn't.

The next hour or so goes by in a slow blur and I'm sure I passed out at some point during the time he held me under his mursales assult.

The sound from the repetitive punches, kicks, slaps and even the whooshing of his belt through the air reverberate off the walls of our small studio apartment as he continues to "punish" me to at some point during his angry assault possibly forgetting what he was doing it for and just continued because he needed the release.

I always wondered if our neighbors could hear what was going on or if they just didn't care enough to call for help or maybe he had them somehow wrapped around his fingers in believing that I'm the crazy one who abuses him.

I wouldn't put it past him.

"Stupid fucking bitch clean yourself up" he tells me then spits on the hardwood floor next to my bleeding head turning on his heels he walks into the room and back out with his charger in hand "I'll be back later".

After he left I stayed on the floor with so many things running though my mind, so many questions I wonder if I'll ever get answer to, so many emotions I wonder if I'll ever understand.