The Baby

(Sofia)

Three months later….

I walked out of Millhaven General's urgent care clutching the ultrasound printout to my chest like my life depended on it.

The paper was warm from the machine. My hands were shaking too hard to keep it steady.

The doctor's words kept echoing in my head.

"You're about 12 weeks pregnant, Ms. Rossi."

Twelve weeks.

I had a baby growing inside me and I was tearing up just thinking about it.

My heart pounded loud enough that I was sure the nurse at the desk could hear it. I leaned against the wall outside and tried to catch my breath. I was scared. I was angry. I was royally screwed.

How am I going to take care of this baby?

I thought to myself as I stared at the black-and-white smudge that was supposed to be my kid.

I had been sick for weeks. Waking up at 5 AM puking into the toilet, blaming it on diner coffee and stress and Millhaven's shitty water. I waved it off like it was nothing. A stomach bug. Just keep showing up for shifts.

Maya had teased me about it last month. She's the only person here who actually talks to me without looking like I'm going to quit and run back to New York.

She had been behind me one night when I was hunched over the staff bathroom sink, shaking and wiping my mouth.

"You sure it's not a bun in the oven, Rossi?" she said, rubbing my back.

I laughed. A real laugh. Because how could it be?

"Come on, Maya. Who gets pregnant from one night? Besides, I think we used protection."

My voice sounded weak even to me.

Maya stopped rubbing my back.

"If you paid attention in health class instead of staring at the ceiling, you would know one time is all it takes. And 'I think'? Sofia, you slept with a stranger and you're not sure?"

"We were both messed up that night," I said. "I don't remember the details."

Maya didn't push. She just said, "Girl, you need to take a test. I've got one in my locker. We're doing it now."

I gave her a look.

"What? I like being laid, but I don't want accidents," she said, already walking away.

"I'm not pregnant," I said to the empty bathroom.

I did the test in Maya's apartment that night.

Pee on the stick. Wait ten minutes. Pretend it doesn't matter.

I just wanted to prove her wrong and get on with my life.

Two lines.

"No, no, no. This can't be right," I said, running my hands through my hair.

Maya sat on the floor next to me.

"Sweetie, it says you're pregnant. That explains the puking. These aren't 100% accurate though. We'll go to urgent care tomorrow morning."

"Why wait till tomorrow?" I said. I needed to know now. Needed it to be a mistake.

"Because I've got a 7 AM shift and if I'm late, Henderson will make my life hell," Maya said. "Go. I'll come with you after my shift."

"Fine. I'll go myself. I need to figure out what's wrong with me."

I went to Millhaven General after my shift ended at 3 PM.

I told myself I was just there for a stomach bug check. That the test was wrong. That cryptic pregnancies weren't real and I'd just read too much WebMD at 2 AM.

I walked into the maternity section and immediately felt out of place. Women with baby bumps everywhere. Partners holding hands. The whole place smelled like baby powder and fear.

"Fill this out," the nurse said, handing me a clipboard.

Name, address, occupation. Partner, if any.

I stared at that line for a long time.

I wrote Maya's name. If something went wrong, she was the only person who'd answer the phone.

"Follow me for bloodwork," the nurse said.

I nodded. The pinch in my arm felt distant. Like it was happening to someone else.

"Results in 30 minutes. You can wait in the lounge."

I waited. The pictures of newborns on the wall didn't help. They made it worse.

"First baby?" asked the woman next to me.

I nodded. It was easier than explaining.

"Don't worry. I was terrified with my first too. This is my third. You'll be fine," she said, rubbing her bump.

She showed me pictures of her kids. They were cute. It didn't make me feel better. It made me feel like the universe was mocking me.

"Dr. Patel will see you now, Ms. Rossi."

I stood up on legs that didn't feel like mine.

I knocked on the door.

"Come in."

Dr. Patel was young, maybe early 30s, with tired eyes and a kind voice.

"According to your bloodwork and ultrasound, you're about 12 weeks pregnant," she said.

At that moment, my world crashed again.

"Twelve weeks? But I had my period last month. I had cramps. How is that possible?"

"It's called cryptic pregnancy. It happens. Some women don't know until they're in labor," she said gently.

I didn't know what to say.

How was I going to take care of a child alone?

I didn't even know how to find the father. He was a stranger. I had no number, no address, no way to reach him.

"Are you okay?" Dr. Patel asked.

"I'm okay," I lied.

"Since you're near the end of the first trimester, I recommend an ultrasound to check the baby's health. And… if you don't want to continue the pregnancy, abortion is still an option."

"I want an abortion," I said. Too fast. Like if I said it fast enough it would be true.

"Are you sure? There's adoption, support programs—"

"I'm sure," I said. "I can't do this alone. I can't reach him. Even if I could, I wouldn't."

"Okay. Sign these forms."

I signed without reading. My handwriting was shaky.

She led me to a room that smelled like disinfectant and soap.

"Lie down. I'll be right back."

I lay there staring at the ceiling and I thought about it.

About that night. About how for ten minutes I felt safe with someone who didn't even know my last name.

About how I had spent three months trying to erase it, and now I was about to erase the only thing left of it.

Should I give this baby a chance?

Maybe I shouldn't do this, I thought, and I sat up before the doctor came back.

"I'm sorry," I said when she walked in. "I can't do this."

She stopped. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. I have to go."

I didn't wait for her to argue. I grabbed my jacket and left.

These memories are still sharp in my head as I walk out of the hospital clutching the ultrasound.

My baby is healthy. Heartbeat 148 bpm.

That's all that matters right now.

Maya meets me at the bus stop, even though she's supposed to be sleeping. She takes one look at my face and wraps an arm around me.

"You okay?"

"No," I say. "But I'm not doing it."

She nods like she already knew.

"Then we figure it out. Together."

I don't have him and I can't reach him but for the first time since I got to Millhaven, I don't feel completely alone.