Chapter Five

Valentina's POV

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling of a house I had promised myself I would never return to.

A life I thought I had escaped three years ago.

But maybe no one could truly escape their destiny.

And whether I liked it or not, this was mine.

The sooner I accepted it, the sooner the pain would stop.

I'd been back for three days now, and all I did was wake up every morning, eat a little, take my bath, lie back down on the bed, cry until I fell asleep, then repeat the same thing all over again.

But I didn't even know why I was still crying. It wasn't only because of Daniel.

Or at least, that was what I kept telling myself.

Daniel had betrayed me, but somehow, being back here with Renzo hurt even more. It brought back everything I had spent three years trying to forget.

Being in the same house with him was killing me. And the worst part was that I hadn't even seen him properly in three days.

I had barely left my room. But his scent was everywhere. His voice. His footsteps. Everything about him refused to leave my head.

And I hated myself for it.

Because I wasn't even an afterthought to him. I had expected something from him during those three years. A call. A message. Anything that would have told me that leaving me hadn't been easy for him either. But nothing ever came.

Sometimes I wondered if he had ever loved me at all. Because if he had, how could he have gone three years without even checking on me? I closed my eyes, and tears rolled down my face.

Deep down, I wished I didn't have emotions. I didn't want to feel anymore. It was too hard. And I couldn't bear the pain.

A knock landed on the door.

I opened my eyes and stared at it for a moment before closing them again.

I didn't want to see anyone. Especially not Renzo.

The person didn't knock again. I was grateful for that.

But then the door opened. I quickly sat up.

It was Renzo. He stood by the door looking like a soldier. Straight, serious and unbothered.

"Your father wants to see you."

I looked away.

"He wants to have breakfast with you."

"Tell him I'm not hungry."

"I know."

I looked at him. "Then why are you here?"

"Because your father is worried about you.”

He walked closer into the room. "He wants to see you eat properly."

"Renzo, please."

My voice cracked.

"I'm not hungry. I don't want to eat anything. Just go away. I want to be alone."

"Valentina."

He said my name in that usual way.

The way that had always made me lower my guard. But not this time. I wasn't going to fall for it again.

He walked over and sat on the edge of my bed. I wanted to scream at him to leave. But I couldn't.

I didn't know if it was because I wasn't strong enough… Or because a part of me wanted him to stay.

God, why did he still have this effect on me?

"What if..." he started.

I looked at him.

He wasn't looking at me.

"What if I promise you we're going to have a proper conversation about why I chose to stay back three years ago?"

My heart skipped.

"But you need to eat first."

I stared at him.

"I need you to promise me."

He finally looked at me.

"And you need to keep that promise."

His eyes were intense. There was something different about them. They were slightly red, like he hadn't slept.

Or maybe he had been crying. But Renzo doesn't cry. At least, not where anyone could see him.

"I promise, baby girl."

My entire body went still.

Baby girl.

That was what he used to call me. I hadn't heard those words from him in three years.

And hearing them again reminded me of the girl I used to be before he broke her heart.

I quickly got out of bed.

"Fine."

I walked past him before he could see what those two words had done to me.

When I reached the dining room, breakfast was already waiting.

There were eggs, bacon, orange juice and pancakes. Everything I loved.

My father sat at the end of the table, a huge smile on his face when he saw me.

"Dad, why do you always make the cook prepare so much food?"

I pulled out a chair.

"There's no way in hell I'll finish all of this."

"I was the one who asked her to make this much."

He smiled.

"I wanted you to have all your favorites in front of you."

I couldn't stop myself from smiling.

For the first time in three days, I felt like I could breathe.

We ate quietly.

Occasionally, I caught my father staring at me.

He didn't ask me questions or bring up what had happened. He told me he just wanted to enjoy having his daughter home. And honestly, I was grateful. I wasn't ready to talk.

I still had to tell him what had happened between Daniel and me. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not yet.

After breakfast, I went straight back to my room.

For some reason, I expected to find Renzo there. But the room was empty. 

Where was he?

I didn't understand why I cared.

I walked out of my room and headed toward his.

I didn't knock. I pushed the door open and then I froze.

Renzo was inside with one of the maids. My entire body went cold.

For a second, I couldn't understand what I was seeing.

The maid was standing very close to him, her top buttons slightly opened.

Renzo turned his head and saw me. But before he could say anything, I turned around.

My chest tightened. The same horrible feeling. The same feeling I had felt three years ago when Renzo told me he wasn't leaving Russia with me.

I forced myself to move. I took a step. Then another.

I walked back to my room like a robot. And the moment I closed the door behind me, I collapsed onto my bed . I screamed into my pillow and cried until my throat hurt.

My chest hurt and I couldn't breathe properly.

Why?

Why did he have to do this to me?

Why did every man I loved find a way to destroy me?

Daniel had cheated on me. And now, from what I had just seen, Renzo had done the same thing.

Maybe I really was the problem.

Maybe there was something about me that made every man I loved eventually hurt me.

I cried for hours.

My eyes became so swollen I could barely keep them open.

I couldn't take the pain anymore.

I looked at the bottle of painkillers sitting on my nightstand. My hands trembled as I reached for it.

I stared at it for a long moment. I just didn't want to think anymore.

I didn't want to hurt anymore, I just wanted everything to stop. And before I could change my mind, I swallowed the pills. All of them.

I layed my back on the bed and my body slowly became heavier. The room started spinning and the tears on my face slowly dried.

And for the first time in days… I felt nothing.

Darkness quickly closed in around me. And for one terrifying moment, it felt like peace.