Eleven

VESPER GREY LYSAN POV 

TWELVE YEARS LATER

"How about dinner tonight, Ves? We should celebrate your first big contract don't you think?"

I glanced up from the documents in front of me, my brows arching "I told you not to call me that." 

"Oh," he got out, his nervous laugh short and hollow. "I'm sorry... I forgot for a second."

I waved his words away. "It's okay, but try not to do it again okay?"

He nodded, a thoughtful pause on his face. I could see that he wanted to ask me why, but decided against it at the last second.

"So... dinner?"

I shook my head, glancing away. "Not tonight. I've got like tons of paperwork to get through," I flipped through the files on my desk, my brow furrowing. "I swear work will be the death of me. I can't even catch a break, I mean, look at all these," I muttered, my gaze darting from the files to Cyran. "How about you take Myra instead? Yeah. You two should go out and celebrate. I'll take care of the bill."

"But I don't want to celebrate with Myra. I want to be with you" he voiced out, His shoulders squared as he stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Also, why do I get this feeling that you're avoiding me these days?"

I glanced up, my brows dipping. "Don't be silly, Cyran. Why would I avoid you?"

His shoulders shrugged. "I don't know Vesper. But these days, every time I try to get close to you, you push me away. Is it because I told you that I like you? Is that the issue?"

I went still, my hand clenching around the file, the crinkling sound filling the quiet space.

Cyran stepped close, then leaned towards me, his hands dropping on my desk. "All I need is just a chance Vesper. I can be so good to you. I really, really like you Vesper."

My gaze moved to his, my lips quivering as I tried to keep my emotions in check. "That's enough Cyran. I already told you that we can't be together, so stop trying so hard..."

"And why not!" His voice burst out, sharp and frustrated. "It's been eight years, Vesper, and in those years you've gone on dates with different men..."

"And they're all dead!" I snapped, cutting him off, my eyes stinging as my lungs closed up. "They're all dead, Cyran, so what does that tell you?" I asked, took a deep breath, and looked away from him.

"But those were just coincidences. Their death wasn't your fault at all."

My gaze snapped to his. "That's where you are wrong Cyran. They're all dead because of me. 

You might not know this, but I've done some terrible things, Cyran, and because of those things, I'm being punished. I know you think you know me, but you have no clue at all the kind of person I am. Being with me is only going to get you killed."

He watched me, his eyes shaking in their sockets. "And what if I am willing to be with you even if it means dying? I really like you, Vesper. I don't care that you think you are cursed, and I definitely don't care about your past, whatever it is. All I want is you. Just you"

My heart clenched, the face I thought I had long forgotten flashing in my head at his declaration.

This was why I couldn't be with him no matter how much I was tempted. He reminded me too much of Zevran and I didn't want to remember him. Because all his memories brought was pain and regret.

My nails dug into my palm.

"But I don't even like you like that Cyran. People don't just get together based on one person's feelings, do they? This is the last time, I'll entertain this, so drop it. No matter what you do, I'll never be with you" I said, holding his gaze so he knew I wasn't joking. "I'd like to get back to work, so please, see yourself out," I said, pointing to the door.

I didn't mean to be harsh, but it was the only way to show him that no matter what he did, my answer would always remain the same.

He watched me, his broken expression breaking my heart, then he let out a breath.

"I won't give up on you, Vesper. I love you, and no matter how hard you try to push me away, I'll never stop loving you. I'm going to fight for us. I'll make you love me, even if it takes years. I swear it."

His eyes stayed locked on mine as he said it, the promise hanging heavy in the air. Then he turned and walked out of my office.

The door clicked shut.

I stared at it, frozen, air scraping down my throat like sandpaper.

My hands trembled, the feeling of anxiety churning in my guts hot and restless.

Just why was Cyran doing this again? I thought after years of being rejected over and over again, that he'd give up. I was wrong. So very wrong.

I leaned back into the headrest, my heart pounding loudly in my chest. Gosh, I was going to be sick.

Even though Cyran reminded me a lot of Zevran, he was the only man I've liked unconditionally in a very long time. If I took a chance and let myself be with him and he died, I didn't think I'd be able to live with myself.

My eyes slowly drifted shut, the nauseous feeling intensifying as my thoughts spiraled.

"Are you alright?" 

My eyes jerked open, then I straightened, clearing my throat as I faced the person standing in front of me. "What—what is it?"

"I asked if you were alright?"

I nodded, my lips stretching into a forced smile. 

"I'm fine Myra. I was just lost in thought. A bit."

"Oh. Okay. Well, Cyran just left, but he didn't look so good. Did you two fight again?"

I shook my head. "No, we didn't. He just got an upsetting call and had to leave that's all"

"Oh!" She nodded, her eyes darting around my office. "So, are you two official yet. He told me he was going to ask you out again if you got the contract. He's really determined to be your next boyfriend, you know."

My smile wavered, the corner of my lips twitching as I fought to keep them in place. "He's just messing around. He knows that'll never work, besides, I don't even like him like that."

Myra sighed, her gaze pinning mine. "But why not. You two are such a perfect match."

I shook my head, picking up my pen and twirling it to distract myself from the wave of panic clogging my lungs. "We just won't work. Besides, we're business partners; it's not professional."

"But you dated your assistant last year..." She let out a sharp gasp, her palm slamming over her mouth. "Oh my gosh, I didn't mean to say that," she blurted, her brows squeezing. "I really didn't mean to bring him up..."

"It's okay," I cut her off, then let out a breath. "You don't need to apologize or be so dramatic. I'm totally fine," I said, lying through my teeth. I was far from fine. I was hanging on a bare thread and it was close to snapping.

She nodded, her hands moving to tuck her hair behind her ear. "You say that all the time, but if you ever need anyone to vent to, you know I'm always here for you, right?"

I couldn't force another smile. "Yes, I know that Myra, but right now, I just want to be by myself." 

She nodded then pointed to the door. "Um, I'll just see myself out then," she said, turned to go, then whirled to face me. 

"Oh, I almost forgot. How's your cut healing? Is it better now?"

I raised my arm, showing her the bandage. "It doesn't hurt anymore. The doctor said I can take it off today."

"That's good. Try to be more careful from now on, okay? Getting cuts every other month is only going to leave you with scars. You should be glad you have such great skin," she said, gave a small wave, and stepped out of my office while I stared after her.

I glanced at my arm, a cold chill going down my spine.

She was wrong about me being careless. I was always very careful. But then I'd wake up to a new cut with no idea how I'd gotten it.

I tried not to think the worst, but I couldn't shake the feeling that it was Zevran's ghost finally coming for me after ripping apart every man who ever dared to love me.

I let out a shaky breath. "You're starting to go crazy again, Vesper," I groaned, grabbing my face in my palm. "Please, let's not go crazy again. Please," I breathed, my hand moving to my hair and tugging hard.